


Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

by Cheriluvs10



Series: Turn Me On, Dead Man [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005), The Beatles
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:51:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 59,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2091390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eleven/Amy/Rory with The Beatles: Takes place after The Big Bang. In late 1966, Paul McCartney was killed and replaced by a double. The Doctor, Amy and Rory travel back to find out the reason why and change history by saving Paul's life. FINISHED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88090) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88090)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=1) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter One  
  
Amy giggled as she and Rory ran down one of the corridors of the TARDIS. It had been a month since they'd gotten married and they were enjoying their life both as a married couple and as a pair of time travelers assisting one of the greatest time lords that ever lived. Amy was so glad that she managed to remember who the Doctor was, being a time traveler was the best thing that ever happened to her, well that and getting married to Rory Williams. In between going outside the TARDIS and exploring, the pair did some exploring of their own, walking down the corridors and seeing what was inside the rooms that weren't locked.  
  
Amy giggled when Rory chased her, his fingers wiggling while he tried to tickle his wife. She sprinted halfway up the corridor then turned and waited for him to catch up. Her lips caught his in a passionate kiss and the two of them embraced each other while they snogged. While they kissed, Amy could hear rumbling above her which sounded suspiciously like deep laughter. The Doctor had told her once that his ship was alive and she wondered if the TARDIS was watching them in amusement. She pondered on that for a moment then decided she didn't care. She was too much in love with her husband to worry about voyeurs, whether they were man or machine. She was so glad that Rory had not only come back to her but had made the decision to wait for her while she was in the pandorica. Knowing that he had stood guard over her for two thousand years convinced her that she had made the right choice marrying him. Not every man would be willing to wait two eons for a woman.  
  
They finished kissing and Amy took his hand. They walked towards the end of the corridor and saw a door on the right side.  
  
"Come on, let's see if we can go in this one," Amy said to him.  
  
"Amy, we better get back soon. The Doctor might need us," Rory said.  
  
"Eh, if he wants us, he can come find us," Amy said. "He told us he wanted to relax today so I'm sure he's somewhere doing just that. Come on, one more and then we'll go have lunch, yeah?"  
  
Rory smiled and nodded. Amy kissed his cheek. They walked up to the door and Amy tried it. She grinned when the door opened and she opened it wide. They peeked inside and their eyes bulged. Inside were shelves on every side and on those shelves were all kinds of Beatles memorabilia. They stepped inside and Rory closed the door.  
  
"Blimey, look at this collection," Amy said, looking around.  
  
The shelves held everything from Beatles plushies to toys to magazines and articles about the group and the Doctor even had first pressings of the record albums in mint condition. Both Amy and Rory walked up to the shelves and began gently picking up the items, looking at everything.  
  
"This is why I love travelin' with him, Rory. I bet the man's met them."  
  
"More than that, I bet they're his best mates," Rory said, examining a Sergeant Peppers record album.  
  
"I wonder if he'll introduce us then," Amy said with glee.  
  
A smile spread over Rory's face.  
  
"Maybe if we ask nicely," he said with a wink.  
  
Amy, excited at the possibility of meeting the Beatles, went back to examining the rest of the Doctor's collection. She had been a fan of the group since early childhood. Her parents had most of their albums and she remembered listening to them with Rory while they were growing up. She always wanted to meet them and now she realized she might get her chance to do just that. She walked over to a stack of magazines that were enclosed in plastic slipcovers. She gently picked them up and stared at the photos on the covers while she read what was on the front. She got about halfway down when one magazine caught her attention. She picked it up and held it while she stared at the cover.  
  
"Rory…" she said, showing it to him.  
  
Rory looked her way. The magazine had a huge photo of Paul on the right side with smaller photos of the other Beatles beside him. Above the Beatles it said, IS PAUL MCCARTNEY DEAD? Rory chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, I've heard about that rumor. Supposedly he was killed in a car crash and got replaced by a double. Load of codswallop if you ask me," Rory said. "Paul's alive and well and singing songs."  
  
"Maybe, maybe not," Amy teased. "After travelin' with the Doctor, I've learned that not everything is as it seems."  
  
"Oh, come off it, Amy. There's no way they can replace Paul McCartney. The man is a legend. Besides how are they gonna train someone to walk and talk and sing and play bass like him. It's impossible."  
  
"Well, you know, there is one man who can clear that up for us," Amy said.  
  
Rory raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah? D'ya wanna make a bet before we go ask him?"  
  
"Why not! Bet ya ten quid he says Paul's dead," Amy said.  
  
"Okay, you're on. Ten quid."  
  
They shook on it. Amy took the magazine with her and they left the room to go find the Doctor.  
  
They found him in the console room working underneath his console. Amy and Rory climbed up to the console and walked over to him. He was lying down with his legs sticking out from underneath. Amy smiled and nudged his leg with her right foot.  
  
"Do that again, Pond, and I tie you to the top of the ship and leave you there," they heard him say.  
  
"What are you doing down there?" Rory asked.  
  
The Doctor slid up.  
  
"Well, I was working on giving the old girl a bit of a tune-up before you decided to come and bother me. Thought you two were off somewhere enjoying a bit of married bliss?"  
  
"We were exploring some of the rooms," Rory said.  
  
"Uh-huh and who gave you permission to do that?" the Doctor asked him as he got up.  
  
Rory pointed at Amy.  
  
"Who gave you permission to go in my rooms without permission?" the Doctor asked her.  
  
"I gave myself permission. We weren't bothering anything," Amy said.  
  
"Then how come I spy one of my Beatles magazines in your grimy little hands?" the Doctor said, pointing to it. "One of my definitions of bothering something is moving it from its proper place and you've seemed to done just that."  
  
"We have a question," Amy said, handing the magazine to him. "Is that true? About Paul dying?"  
  
"Yes," the Doctor said without preamble.  
  
Amy and Rory stared at him in shock. The Doctor shrugged.  
  
"Take a look at photos of Paul before and after 1967, you'll find that he looks markedly different when he gets to his Sergeant Pepper days," the Doctor said.  
  
"Gee, I s'pose I owe ya ten quid now," Rory said to Amy.  
  
Amy ignored him as she took the Doctor's arm.  
  
"You're having us on," she said.  
  
"No, I'm not. Sometimes urban legends and folklore turn out to be true," the Doctor said. "Paul McCartney died in late 1966 and was replaced by a double."  
  
"Okay, why?" Amy said.  
  
The Doctor shrugged.  
  
"No idea," he said. "Now if you'll be so kind as to return this to its proper place I would be most grateful…"  
  
"Wait!" Amy said, holding up her hand. "You're tellin' me that you knew Paul died and you weren't the least bit curious as to what happened?"  
  
"Well…I was curious and I s'pose I did promise myself to go and see what happened but you know how it is, so many other things crop up and you get busy defending time and space and suddenly Paul McCartney's death gets put on the back burner."  
  
"But…we can go now," Amy said. "We can go and find out what happened to him?"  
  
The Doctor thought for a moment and shrugged.  
  
"If that's what you want to do. I have nothing else planned at the moment," he said.  
  
He moved towards the console when Amy grabbed his arm again.  
  
"Yeah?" the Doctor said.  
  
"When we were negotiating with the Silurians, you said that some events were fixed and some weren't, that our meeting with the Silurians was an opportunity to change history. Is Paul's death fixed or can we change it?" Amy asked.  
  
The Doctor searched the time lines for a moment and a grin spread over his face.  
  
"The events surrounding Paul McCartney's death are in flux," he said.  
  
"So we can change things? We can save him," Rory said, coming up beside his wife.  
  
"Yes. This is another opportunity to change history," the Doctor said. " The three of us can go back and meet them just before his death takes place…"  
  
"And save him," Amy said.  
  
The Doctor grinned and nodded.  
  
"So…is that what you want to do then?" the Doctor said, slapping his hands together.  
  
Amy and Rory shared a glance, both nodded.  
  
"Fine. I'll set the coordinates and while I'm doing that, put that back where you found it!" the Doctor said, pointing to the magazine. "I take pride in my Beatles collection and I don't wanna find out that you've gotten your greasy fingertips all over my magazines because you decided you needed to have something to read while you ate your bacon butty. Now go!"  
  
Amy nodded. She and Rory quickly hurried back to the memorabilia room while the Doctor darted around his console and set a course for 1966.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	2. Chapter 2

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88117) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88117)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=2) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
(September 9th, 1966…)  
  
Chapter Two  
  
"Alright, boys, have a rest."  
  
Paul McCartney breathed a sigh of relief. For six hours now they had been in the studio recording new tracks for their next album which had the working title of Smile for the moment. They had recently been to America and performed a concert at Shea Stadium in August and that combined with the hectic schedule of working on their new album, interviews and photo shoots had left him drained. He set his Hofner bass down in its stand and stretched while his friends and fellow band mates stretched and milled about.  
  
John Lennon walked over to the plate glass that looked out on the studio and rapped on the glass with his knuckles. George Martin, the producer, looked at him and turned on the intercom.  
  
"Yeah?" he said.  
  
"Can we take a break, George? I'm hungry and I could use a cuppa."  
  
The other three murmured in agreement. George checked his schedule and nodded.  
  
"Go ahead. But be back here in two hours, we have a lot to do," George said.  
  
John snorted.  
  
"Why am I not surprised?" he muttered as he walked back to the others. "Come on, lads, let's go get some Chinese and try to relax for a couple of hours."  
  
They told George where they were heading before they left the studio. Once they were gone, George stood up, stretched and lit up a cigarette.  
  
Meanwhile, the Doctor landed the TARDIS near the Abbey Road recording studio. The TARDIS powered down and he smiled at Amy and Rory while he extended his hand towards the door.  
  
"Here we are, September 9th, 1966, two days before Paul meets his untimely end. I figure that will give us enough time to meet them and figure out what happens before we save him," the Doctor said. "So everyone out! It's time to embark on our own Magical Mystery Tour."  
  
"Wait a tic," Amy said, holding up her finger, "maybe I should change. I mean I'm not exactly dressed for 1960's London."  
  
"Never stopped me before," the Doctor said with a shrug.  
  
"Yeah, well, that's because you're weird," Amy said.  
  
"Thank you," the Doctor said cheerfully. "But if you're going to change into different clothes, do it now so we can go look for the Beatles."  
  
Amy and Rory hurried out of the console room while the Doctor sat down on the seat near his computer screen and waited. Both of them hurried to the wardrobe room. Rory climbed up to the first level where the men's outfits were located and Amy went one level above him where women's clothes were kept. She looked at the assortment of clothes, trying to find something suitable for the '60's. She finally found a purple frilly blouse, brown skirt that came down mid-thigh and some brown leather go-go boots. She picked out a small brown leather purse and transferred some of the things she had in her jean pockets into it. She hesitated a moment while she was transferring items and pulled out a postcard. She had spied it among the Doctor's Beatles memorabilia when she returned the magazine. The front of the postcard had the Sergeant Pepper album cover on it and she reasoned that if she took it she might be able to show it to Paul and convince him of the danger he was in. She stared at it for a moment, her eyes shifting back and forth from the waxwork of Paul to the man wearing the bright blue military uniform. She thought for a moment and then decided to slip the postcard into the pocket on the left side of her skirt.  
  
"If all this is true and someone did kill you and replace you, Paul, I'm not about to let it happen," Amy murmured as she patted the pocket.  
  
She put the purse strap over her right shoulder, checked her reflection in a nearby full length mirror and satisfied that she looked alright, headed back downstairs. On the way down, she saw her husband. He had on dark brown corduroy pants, brown leather boots and a paisley shirt with frilly sleeves. Rory shot her a look when Amy giggled at him.  
  
"Groovy, man," Amy said, flashing him the peace sign.  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Rory said, rolling his eyes.  
  
Amy gave him a kiss on the cheek, took his hand and both of them headed downstairs. The Doctor jumped up and smiled when he saw their outfits.  
  
"Very good. You chose well," he said. "I like your outfits. So…are we ready to go?"  
  
His companions nodded and all of them walked towards the front door. The Doctor opened the door, peeked out and nodded to Amy and Rory. They went outside and Amy nearly froze when she saw Abbey Road studios nearby. It finally hit her that they were going to meet the Beatles and excitement flooded her body.  
  
"So…do we try to go inside there?" Rory asked, pointing to the front door of the recording studio.  
  
"Come on, surely they have some kind of security there," Amy said. "If the Beatles are making an album they must have someone who keeps an eye out for fans."  
  
"Yeah, but maybe we can pose as journalists and tell them we've come for an interview," Rory said.  
  
"Hmm, not a bad idea, I've used that very ruse before when meeting famous people," the Doctor said.  
  
"So…is that what we're going to do, pose as journalists?" Amy said.  
  
The Doctor was about to reply when the recording studio's front door opened. The three of them jumped behind a tree while they watched the four Beatles walk down the steps towards a black car.  
  
"So, Ming's alright then?" John was saying to the others as they walked towards the car.  
  
"Yeah, I like their food," Ringo replied.  
  
"Well, I better drive then," John said, looking back over his shoulder with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "We all know what happened the last time Paulie drove a vehicle."  
  
Paul flipped him off as they reached the car. The Doctor, Amy and Rory watched them get in. They waited till the car started and drove off.  
  
"Right," the Doctor said, coming out from behind the tree, "do you lot have any cab fare so we can follow them to Ming's?"  
  
"I do," Amy said.  
  
"Brilliant," the Doctor said, "because I have none. And I promise I'll pay you back…sometime."  
  
Amy gave him a dubious look before she searched inside her purse for some money for cab fare. In the meantime, the Doctor walked up to the curb and began to scan the road in search of a cab.  
  
"Wonder what John meant about we all know what happened the last time Paul drove a vehicle," Rory mused as he stood between the Doctor and Amy.  
  
"In December of last year, Paul crashed a moped and chipped his tooth and scarred his upper lip," the Doctor said absentmindedly while he searched for a cab.  
  
Rory and Amy made a face.  
  
"Ouch, I didn't know he did that," Amy said.  
  
"Well, now you do," the Doctor said without looking at her.  
  
He spotted a black cab coming their way and held up his arm to signal it to stop. The cab pulled up alongside them and the Doctor asked if he knew where Ming's Chinese Restaurant was. To his relief, the cabbie nodded and they settled back in the seat while he drove off.  
  
Twenty minutes later, the cabbie stopped beside a rectangular restaurant that looked relatively modern. Amy paid the fare and they got out. They stood on the pavement across from the restaurant. It was a drab concrete building with a white sign above the front door that said Ming's Chinese Restaurant in huge block letters. There was a large plate window on the left side of the door and they could see booths and tables inside. Along the left side of the building was another plate glass window and one was on the right side. Through the front window, they could see the four Beatles sitting at a booth beside the left hand side window. A young Chinese woman dressed in a red cheongsam was taking their order while the four of them smoked cigarettes.  
  
"So, now what do we do?" Rory asked while they watched the waitress walk away. "Do we go up and introduce ourselves?"  
  
"And say what?" the Doctor asked him. "Got any ideas on how to strike up a conversation without them thinking we're a bunch of star struck fans? Because I have a feeling "Paul, you're in danger and you'll die in two days time," will go over like a lead balloon."  
  
Amy stared at Paul through the window. He took a drag on his cigarette and then laughed at something someone said. She smiled thinking how cute he looked and how she would like to meet him without him thinking she was a nutty fan. Then suddenly, she had a thought.  
  
"Leave it to me, boys!" she said to the Doctor and Rory.  
  
Both men looked at her, confused.  
  
"You have a way we can get close to the Beatles?" Rory asked.  
  
"I do. I'll use the fact that I'm a beautiful, young woman to my advantage. The Beatles fancy the girls, yeah? All I have to do is sit by myself and look attractive and perhaps one of them will come over and try to chat me up."  
  
"Excuse me?" Rory said while the Doctor put his hand over his face, trying to cover up his laughter. "Chat you up? I believe you're a married woman, Amy."  
  
"I know that, Rory, but we need to get close to the Beatles and I'm sure if they see an attractive, young woman they'll wanna talk to her."  
  
"And what do we do in the meantime? Stand out here and watch?" Rory said angrily.  
  
"No. Follow me in but sit at another table and order something to eat. I'll sit by myself near the Beatles and see if I can get one of them to come over and say hello."  
  
Rory looked at the Doctor.  
  
"Are you okay with this?" he asked him.  
  
"Sounds like a good plan to me, but then again, I'm not married to her," the Doctor said. "She's right. The Beatles do have an eye for the ladies and one of them might come over and say hello. I can't think of any other way to get close to them, can you?"  
  
Rory shook his head.  
  
"But no funny business, you hear?" Rory said to Amy.  
  
Amy's mouth dropped open.  
  
"What do you think I'm gonna do, Rory? Throw Paul McCartney across the table and shag him on top of the won tons?" she said while the Doctor sniggered. "I do know I'm a married woman. Christ, give me some credit. I won't cheat on you, alright?"  
  
Rory nodded. The Doctor patted him on the shoulder and gestured to the front door of the restaurant.  
  
"After you, Pond, good luck and good hunting," he said.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	3. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88132) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88132)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=3) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Amy, mindful of the role she was playing, made sure she looked attractive and moved seductively the moment she walked in the door. But, mindful of Rory and his reaction to her plan, she kept her wedding ring on her finger so the Beatles didn't get the wrong idea about her availability.  
  
She was correct. When she walked in the door, the Beatles had been chatting and laughing amongst themselves but the moment Paul and Ringo caught sight of her they immediately shut and up and stared at her. John and George, wondering what they were looking at, turned in their seats and they too went quiet while they looked at the attractive woman passing by their table.  
  
Amy couldn't help but feel flattered at that, especially when she heard George mutter, "Check out the bird." Meanwhile, Rory and the Doctor deliberately headed for a booth on the other side of the room, making sure that it didn't look as though they were with her. Amy chose a table just past the Beatles booth. She tried to appear casual while she rifled through her purse trying to find her money.  
  
The Beatles continued to stare at the attractive woman, watching while she pulled out a small wad of bills and counted them. Their eyes drifted down to her legs and they lingered there. John's eyes flicked up to Paul who was fixated on Amy and her body. He grunted when John gave him a playful punch in the arm and Paul gave him an annoyed look.  
  
"No. You can't look at her," John said, wagging his finger with mock sternness.  
  
"Who says?" Paul retorted.  
  
"Mate, you can't fancy her, what will Jane think?" John said.  
  
Paul's mouth dropped open.  
  
"Um…you were also fancying her and last time I looked you were married to Cynthia."  
  
John shrugged.  
  
"What Cynthia doesn't know won't hurt her," he said.  
  
"Okay, well, what Jane doesn't know won't hurt her," Paul said.  
  
John gave him a scandalized look while Ringo and George snickered.  
  
"You hear that, lads? Saint Paul is being sinful; he's been hangin' around us too long," he said, nudging George in the ribs.  
  
The smiles fell off their faces when Paul started to slide out of his seat.  
  
"Where are you going?" Ringo asked.  
  
Paul gave them a haughty look.  
  
"Saint Paul is gonna be sinful and go chat up the bird."  
  
John raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Paul, I was only having ya on. I didn't mean for you to go over there and talk to her."  
  
Paul crushed out his cigarette in the ashtray.  
  
"I know that," he said. "But I'm bored and there are times I prefer female company to you lot. She seems like a nice girl and I want to get to know her better."  
  
"Why? So you can bring her back to Jane's house and shag her?" George said.  
  
"No," Paul said with an angry sigh. "I'm just going to talk to her, nothing more than that."  
  
"We'll eat your share of the food then while you're busy impressing her with the fact you're Paul McCartney," John said as he got up and turned away from them.  
  
The Beatles watched him intently while Paul walked over to Amy. Amy saw him approaching and her heart raced as she forced herself to remain calm. She glanced over and saw the waitress approaching at the same time Paul was coming up to her and she cursed the rotten timing of the Chinese woman. She kept her eyes on the waitress as she sensed Paul coming to her side.  
  
"Hello," Paul said.  
  
Amy forced a neutral expression on her face as she turned her head to look at him. She nearly hyperventilated when she saw the charming smile on his face and she thought she'd faint dead away. However, she forced herself to be calm and gave him a pleasant smile as the waitress came up to the other side of the table.  
  
"May I sit with you?" Paul asked, gesturing to the empty chair across from her.  
  
"May I take your order?" the waitress said, holding up a pad of paper and a pen.  
  
She ignored her for a second while she gave Paul the okay to sit with her. As Paul was sitting she turned her attention back to the waitress.  
  
"I would like a cup of tea and some chicken chop suey," she said to her.  
  
The waitress wrote it down and looked at Paul.  
  
"Same and put it all on one bill please," he said.  
  
He smiled at Amy while she wrote it down.  
  
"Don't worry about paying. I'll get it," he said to her.  
  
"Thank you," Amy said as the waitress walked away.  
  
"Well, least I can do for intruding," Paul said. "Besides I think it's more polite if I pay for the meal. Um…"  
  
Paul paused a moment and then chuckled.  
  
"This is a bit awkward since I'm pretty sure you know who I am but again, in the interest of being polite, my name is Paul."  
  
"I'm Amy."  
  
"Pleased to meet you," Paul said.  
  
There was another awkward silence. Paul glanced back at the booth and noticed that the others were still watching him and sniggering. Paul turned his attention back to Amy.  
  
"Um…I'm sorry but I just realized that it's become a bit awkward for me meeting new people since I assume most of the world knows me and knows about me and I'm afraid anything I say will be answered with an I know that, idiot."  
  
Amy laughed.  
  
"I expect it is difficult being one of the most famous people on the planet," she said. "But I have to admit I don't know everything about you. For instance, I only learned earlier today that you had an accident on your moped."  
  
Paul groaned.  
  
"Yeah, I was an idiot. I went riding with my friend Tara late at night and noticed the moon and was so busy looking at it that the next thing I knew I was falling towards the ground. Chipped my front tooth and scarred my lips but didn't kill me, thank God."  
  
Amy felt a twinge upon hearing that and her hand drifted down to the pocket and felt the postcard through the fabric. She looked at Paul and suddenly noticed two small slash-like scars on the left side of his upper lip.  
  
"I'm glad you weren't hurt that badly," Amy said.  
  
"Yeah, me too. I didn't feel any pain when my tooth chipped because it didn't hit the nerve ending but the piece went through my lip when I hit the ground. And now…my friends over there aren't letting me live it down, John especially has plenty of bad driver jokes but that's John's way, sarcasm is a second language to him so I don't take it personally. He and I have been mates for a long time and I know he's only joking."  
  
They looked up when John walked up to them with a cup of tea.  
  
"You forgot your tea, Matron," he said, sitting it down in front of Paul.  
  
Paul groaned.  
  
"Bollocks and I just ordered another cup without thinking," he said with a laugh.  
  
Amy laughed when John tapped the side of his head.  
  
"Wake up, Paulie, get that brain in gear so you aren't up to your armpits in tea cups," he said.  
  
John looked at Amy and smiled.  
  
"John Lennon," he said, extending his hand.  
  
"Amy Pond," she said, shaking it.  
  
"Amy Pond, nice name. Nice to meet ya. I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything, didn't want me bandmate's tea gettin' cold. I'll be goin' back to me seat now. Behave yourself, son!" he said, wagging a finger at Paul.  
  
"Yes, Dad," Paul said as Amy giggled.  
  
John looked at Amy, gave her a wink and headed back to his seat.  
  
"Like I said, you have to excuse John, he's always joking," Paul said. "I honestly didn't remember the tea though. Now I'll have two cups."  
  
"That's okay, I'll help you drink some of the second cup,"Amy said.  
  
Paul sighed and rubbed his eyes. Amy suddenly noticed the heavy dark circles under his eyes and guessed the reason he had forgotten about his first cup of tea.  
  
"You're tired, aren't ya?" she said.  
  
"Gee, is it that obvious?" Paul said.  
  
He took a sip of tea and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, isn't easy being famous. When we were in Hamburg, we dreamed about making it to the top and now that we're here, I find it exhausting. Seems like we get one thing done and we have to go on and do something else. Neverending, it is. Just got done last month touring America and that was stressful enough considering a good chunk of America is angry at us now for John's comment about us being bigger than Jesus. All the time we were touring, there were constant death threats, everyone from preachers to the KKK was breathing down our necks, threatening to kill us if we played in their city. I'd never been so scared in me whole life. We're talking about not touring anymore, just concentrating on making albums. It's never been done before, making albums and never touring, but I'd rather be in the studio alive than ripped apart by angry mobs. But now we're working on a new album so I haven't had much sleep lately so I apologize if I look a bit out of it or I'm a bit forgetful."  
  
"It's alright, I understand," Amy said.  
  
Paul smiled at her.  
  
"Thanks," he said. "What about you though? Where are you from? Scotland?"  
  
"Was. I was born there but my parents moved to England when I was a little girl."  
  
They spent the next hour chatting while they ate. Amy loved talking to Paul. She loved how sweet and charming anddown to Earth he was. She could see why so many people liked him and it hurt thinking that someone actually had it in them to kill him. It made her silently renew her vow to help save Paul McCartney from whoever was going to kill him.  
  
After about an hour, Paul suddenly laughed again which made Amy smile.  
  
"What is it?" she said.  
  
"I just noticed your wedding ring. See, I told you I was knackered. It's been on your finger the whole time and I've just seen it. I hope your husband doesn't find out you've been chatting with me," he teased.  
  
Amy debated whether or not to tell him about Rory and then figured that if the Doctor and Rory were going to help Paul, she might as well come clean about them. She turned in her seat and pointed towards Rory.  
  
"Actually, that's him right there," she said.  
  
Paul did a double take and stared at him.  
  
"Wait, this whole time your husband's been over there and you're not sitting with him? Why not?" he said.  
  
Amy coughed nervously, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Paul grinned.  
  
"Let me guess. You wanted to appear single in the hopes that one of us would come over and talk to you," he said.  
  
He laughed when Amy turned crimson.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Not the first time a girl's done that. Except this is the first time the husband was in the same room. He must be very understanding since he's been sitting there the entire time watching me chat with you."  
  
"Well, he does want to meet you as well, him and my friend there."  
  
"What are their names?"  
  
"My husband's name is Rory and my friend's name is the Doctor."  
  
"Doctor who?"  
  
"He just calls himself the Doctor, it's a…nickname," Amy said.  
  
Paul shrugged.  
  
"Fair enough," he said. "Rory! Doctor! Come here! Now that I know about you, I want to meet you in person!" he called to them.  
  
The other Beatles looked up from their meals and watched while the Doctor and Rory got up and came over.  
  
"Wait, they're with her and they've been sitting over there the whole time?" George said as John and Ringo snickered.  
  
"What is this?" John said to George and Ringo, "some elaborate scam to get Paulie's autograph?"  
  
"Apparently they don't give a damn about us, lads," George said.  
  
"No, it's Paul, it's always about Paul," John said before he feigned weeping over his tea.  
  
"Alright, you knuckleheads, come over here and meet them!" Paul called to them.  
  
The three Beatles looked at each other, grabbed their cups and slid out of their booth. They walked over and Paul introduced them. The Beatles gave each other amused glances when they learned Rory was married to Amy but they all pulled up chairs and chatted with one another for another half hour. While they were chatting, Paul looked at his watch and grimaced.  
  
"Bugger, we have to get back to the studio. Do you three want to come with us? Be our guests for the day?" Paul said to Amy, Rory and the Doctor.  
  
The three travelers looked at one another.  
  
"We'd be honored, Paul," the Doctor said.  
  
"Good. Because it gets boring in the studio and I'd like to have someone to chat with during breaks," Paul said.  
  
"I second that," John said. "Course we're working on new material so you have to be sworn to secrecy and not tell anyone about our new songs or we'll have to kill ya."  
  
Amy flinched at the mention of someone being killed. Paul noticed it and gave her a confused frown but Amy quickly regained her composure and smiled at John.  
  
"I agree with the Doctor, it would be an honor to come and watch you work," she said.  
  
"Pfft," Ringo said. "Enough with the you'd be honored rubbish. We're not royalty, we're just like everyone else."  
  
"I'm not," John said with wide eyes. "I've been sectioned."  
  
"Oh yeah, John's been sectioned," George said as everyone laughed. "But other than that, we're normal blokes so feel free to treat us as such."  
  
Amy smiled at that and nodded. She caught Paul's eye and he grinned and winked at her and once again, Amy felt herself melting into a puddle of goo. John called for the waitress and asked for the bill for all three tables. He ended up paying for everyone and after they were finished, John gave everyone taxi fare and told them to meet them at Abbey Road Studios before the four of them climbed into John's car. The Doctor, Rory and Amy watched while they drove off and once they were gone, they started looking for a taxi.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	4. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88157) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88157)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=4) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Four  
  
By the time they found a cab and got to the studio, a man was waiting for them by the front door as they climbed out of the cab. He was tall and thin with dark wavy hair and glasses with thick 1960's style black frames.  
  
"Doctor?" the guy said to them. "Amy, Rory?"  
  
They nodded and the man smiled.  
  
"Name's Mal Evans. I'm the Beatles roadie and part time bodyguard. The lads said you were coming so I came out here to make sure they let you in. Follow me."  
  
He led them through the building to the recording studio. When they entered, a thin man with short dark hair was sitting at the sound board.  
  
"This is George Martin," Mal said. "He's the producer of most of the Beatles albums and he's working on this one as well."  
  
George stood up and shook hands with them. While they were doing that, Amy glanced through the window and saw the Beatles playing 'When I'm 64'. Paul winked at her as he kept on playing and singing. George gestured to three blue suede chairs that had been brought in and set up at the back of the room beside a tea trolley.  
  
"Make yourselves at home," George said. "I have to get back to work."  
  
They nodded and Mal left the room while the Doctor, Amy and Rory went over to the tea trolley. They used three Styrofoam cups and fixed three cups of tea before all of them sat down in the chairs and listened to the Beatles. They ran through several takes of the song and Amy had to keep reminded herself not to sing along since it was supposed to be a brand new song. Her thoughts drifted back to the Sargeant Pepper album and once again her hand went down to her skirt pocket.  
  
After about an hour and a half, the Beatles took another break. All of them came out of the studio and smiled at the Doctor, Amy and Rory.  
  
"Well, what'd ya think?" John asked while George Martin stood up and left to use the restroom with George and Ringo.  
  
"It was fantastic," the Doctor said.  
  
"Yeah, it's a wonderful song," Rory added.  
  
"Well, we have Paulie to thank for that," John said, pointing to him. "And now that we're on another break, would you like a quick tour of the studios?"  
  
They nodded and stood up. John beckoned to them and the Doctor and Rory followed him as he went out the door. Amy started to follow then noticed Paul walking over to the tea trolley, making himself a cup of tea.  
  
"Not coming?" Amy said.  
  
"Not interested," Paul said with a shrug. "I've seen the studio a million times and I think John's capable of leading a tour on his own. What about you? Not interested in seeing a recording studio?"  
  
"Not really," Amy said.  
  
"Well, I'm having a cuppa if you wanna keep me company," Paul said, sitting down in the chair nearest the trolley.  
  
Amy nodded. Paul watched while she refilled her cup and gave another appreciative glance at her long legs.  
  
"You better watch it. Your legs could cause traffic jams," he said, pointing to them.  
  
Amy glanced down and her mouth dropped open when Paul gave her a devilish grin.  
  
"Cheeky," Amy said.  
  
"Can't help it. I see a pair of lovely legs, I gotta admire the view," he said with a shrug. "I may be in a committed relationship but I am a man and I do still like to browse from time to time. Doesn't mean I'm interested in being your boyfriend. But…would you mind if I counted you among my friends? Don't have very many friends outside the band and our inner circle."  
  
"I'd be hon…"  
  
She laughed when Paul raised his eyebrow at that.  
  
"I would love to be your friend," she corrected herself as Paul sniggered. "And I'm sure you can count on the Doctor and Rory to be your friends as well."  
  
"Good. I mean it. That's another downside to being famous. You can't enjoy real friendships anymore, at least not without wondering that the people you're befriending are only there because you're a Beatle and they want to have bragging rights."  
  
"It must get lonely at times being famous," Amy said sadly.  
  
"Can be. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being a Beatle. I'd rather have dosh than be on the dole any day but there are all the downsides to fame, especially when you're as famous as we are. I think when I wrote Eleanor Rigby I was writing about myself and how isolated I've become from the rest of the world. I think John was thinking the same thing when he wrote Nowhere Man. Blimey, now I'm depressing you, sorry. Here, wait a tic…"  
  
Amy watched with an ache in her heart while he sat his cup down on the trolley and went into the studio.  
  
"I know how you feel, Paul," she murmured when he was out of earshot. "I felt the same way when I lived alone in my house."  
  
Paul returned with his acoustic guitar. He plopped down beside Amy and began to pluck out a pleasant melody.  
  
"Don't mind me. I do this frequently. Gives my hands something to do while I chat and I figure a pleasant tune will lighten the mood a bit. So…you like the song? I realize it must have been boring listening to the same song for an hour and a half but what did you think?"  
  
"I liked it. It's a great song."  
  
"Thanks. I wrote it one day after imagining what my life might be like at 64 years of age. Living in a house with Jane, being happily married with grandkids on our knees, that sort of thing," he said as he continued to pluck out the melody. "Hopefully, I'll make it to 64 and…"  
  
He trailed off when he saw Amy flinch again.  
  
"Hey, can I ask you something? Everytime someone mentions death, you act nervous. Does death scare you or something?"  
  
"Um…yeah, I s'pose so," Amy said.  
  
Paul shrugged as he played.  
  
"Nothing to be scared of. At least I don't think so. Death's as natural as life. We're born, we die, we're reborn, all part of the cycle of life."  
  
"You believe in reincarnation then?"  
  
"Yeah. Didn't use to but George digs India and I read a few books on Hindu philosophy and most of what I've read rings true with me. I figure most things in life are part of a cycle of death and rebirth, why not us as well? I'm not quite as keen on India as George is but I like what I've read and heard about it. In fact, George wants to use more of the sitar on this next album like he did for Norwegian Wood."  
  
"That's a good idea. I like that song," Amy said.  
  
"So do I."  
  
Amy smiled when he strummed the melody to Norwegian Wood while he spoke.  
  
"I'm glad you like my song. John thinks its rubbish to be honest," he said while he played his guitar.  
  
"What? Why?" Amy said.  
  
"Oh…he thinks I spent too much time writing soppy, simplistic love songs instead of writing deep, thoughtful songs. John believes we should use our celebrity status and our influence to make a difference in the world and write songs that deal with social issues. I believe that as well but I also think a love song can influence someone just as much as a political song. But John's never been much of a romantic, at least not openly so he's not too keen on my latest offering."  
  
"Nah, ignore him. I like love songs," Amy said.  
  
Paul beamed at that.  
  
"Thank you. Nice to have someone not mocking my songs for a change," he said.  
  
Amy giggled and began to sing to him.  
  
"You think that people have had enough of silly love songs. But I look around me and I see this isn't so, oh no. Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs. What's wrong with that, I'd like to know? Because here I go…again!"  
  
"Hey, that's nice. Is that yours?" Paul said, momentarily stopping his strumming.  
  
"Um…no…I…read it somewhere as a poem," Amy said sheepishly.  
  
"I like that. Sums up my feelings perfectly. I'll have to keep that in mind and use it in a song someday. And you…anyone ever tell you that you could be a fabulous singer?"  
  
Amy blushed and shook her head while Paul laughed.  
  
"I'm serious. You have a beautiful singing voice and you're beautiful if I may say so. That and your voice and your personality…you could make millions, my lovely."  
  
"Thanks," Amy said, blushing, while Paul chuckled.  
  
"Something to consider. Our manager, Brian Epstein, manages several other bands besides us. He's always looking for new talent. If you're interested, I could recommend you."  
  
"Um…I better talk it over with my husband and friend before I go off and have a singing career," Amy said.  
  
Paul shrugged.  
  
"Fair enough. Let me know your answer though because I think you could make it in show business."  
  
He gave her a million watt smile and began to strum the melody to Yesterday while Amy drank her tea.  
  
"Yesterday," he crooned while Amy's heart did flip flops, "all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh I believe in yesterday."  
  
"I love this song," Amy said after swallowing her tea.  
  
"Good," Paul said.  
  
He went on singing while Amy took another sip of her tea.  
  
"Suddenly…I'm hot and tired and dead manky. I got a shower waiting at home for me. Or a bath…with thick sud-sees!"  
  
Amy nearly choked on the tea in her mouth while Paul chuckled and continued to play.  
  
"Why…we…have to make songs, I don't know, I couldn't say. I am…really bored; now I wanna go out and play-ay-ay-ay."  
  
Amy laughed and sat her cup down so she could applaud him. Paul smiled and bowed his head. He thought for a moment and then played the opening chords of Michelle.  
  
"Mi…chelle, you smell, you're a slag and a hag and you have a bum like a bell, my Michelle."  
  
Amy chortled as Paul kept on innocently singing.  
  
"Mi…chelle, you smell, frère Jacques, vive le France, din, din, dong…din, din, din, dong."  
  
Amy bent over laughing while Paul grinned. He began to sing Eleanor Rigby to her while he played.  
  
"Aaaah, look at all the grotty people!" he sang while Amy laughed hysterically. "Aaaah, look at all the manky people! Eleanor Rigby, she is a bore and a whore and I'm glad that she's dead. Now I can go to bed."  
  
"Stop that!" Amy said, giggling along with Paul. "You're gonna make me wet myself, you jerk."  
  
"Jerk?" Paul said as Amy laughed harder. "See here, I'm a Beatle, you don't call a Beatle a jerk, only the Beatles are allowed to call the Beatles jerks. How dare you, madam!"  
  
"You're funny," Amy said.  
  
"Thanks. Gotta be a bit silly to get along in this world. Plus, when you hang around John Lennon and listen to his constant teasing, you can't help but develop a weird sense of humor. I'm more than the cute one, you know."  
  
Amy smiled at that. She hesitated a moment and then leaned over. Paul's eyes widened when she gave him a peck on the cheek. He stared at her for a moment.  
  
"Um…got a question for ya. How stable is this marriage of yours?" he teased.  
  
"Very stable but after everything you've been through, I figure you needed a friendly kiss to cheer ya up."  
  
Paul grinned from ear to ear. He leaned over to her cheek and gave her a friendly peck in return. Amy sipped her tea and listened while Paul continued to play melodies on his guitar while they waited for the others to return.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	5. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88163) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88163)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=5) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Five  
  
After John led the others back from the tour, George Martin came back and the Beatles went back to work while the Doctor led Amy and Rory out in the hallway. The Doctor closed the door behind them and turned to Amy.  
  
"I take it you were spending time with Paul while we were on the tour," the Doctor said softly.  
  
Amy nodded.  
  
"So, what happened?"Rory said.  
  
"Yeah, did he say anything that might give us a clue about his death?" the Doctor added.  
  
"Not really. We were just messing around and havin' a laugh. He's mainly tired and lonely, I think the fame is gettin' to him."  
  
"I imagine so. It's rough for most bands but they're one of the greatest bands who ever lived," the Doctor said. "I think burnout was one of the factors in their breakup, that and I'm sure the three of them wanted to find a way to get out of their contracts and away from the fake Paul after he died."  
  
"But why would they agree to that?" Rory said. "Why would they allow Paul to be replaced like that? Especially John. Paul was his best mate; I know I wouldn't want to work with some double after my mate died."  
  
"That's what we're here to discover," the Doctor said. "I can tell you this much, I have a feeling that the other Beatles and any of Paul's friends and family were coerced into accepting this double into their midst."  
  
"So someone killed Paul and threatened the others to accept him or they'd die as well?" Amy said.  
  
"That's my thought. Seems like the best answer for why a band would accept some stranger who's passing himself off as your band mate," the Doctor said.  
  
"So we just continue to hang out with them until the baddie pops up?" Amy said.  
  
"Yeah, unless one of them has seen or heard something suspicious lately," the Doctor said. "The trick is asking without arousing their suspicions or panicking everyone. But…"  
  
He shut up when he saw Mal heading their way. The three of them pressed themselves up against the wall when they noticed two men were following him. Both men were wearing grey business suits and had a haughty air about them. One of them was tall, lean with a chiseled jaw, hard cold sapphire blue eyes and short sandy blonde hair. The other was slightly shorter, skinny with an angular face and long chin with a dimple in it, short dark wavy hair and piercing brown eyes. Both men were glowering at Mal's back and they turned their angry gaze on the three of them as they walked past. Mal stopped them just outside the door to the studio and asked them to wait. He hurried inside and shut the door behind him. The two men turned and stared quietly at the Doctor, Amy and Rory. The Doctor gave them a cheerful smile.  
  
"Hello," he said.  
  
"You realize this is a place of business," the one with the blonde hair said to him coldly. "The Beatles are working."  
  
"They also asked us to be here," the Doctor said just as coldly. "If you don't like it, take it up with them."  
  
The blonde haired man glowered at him, the Doctor held his gaze without flinching and Amy wondered if it was going to degenerate into a fist fight between them. But blondie snorted and he and his friend turned their backs on them while they waited. The Doctor looked at Amy and Rory and spun his finger around his ear while they bit their lips and tried to keep from laughing. Two minutes later the door opened and the Beatles filed out before Mal invited the men inside. The Beatles backed away from the men and stood up against the wall with the others.  
  
"Not again," George muttered as the door shut.  
  
"Who are they?" Rory asked.  
  
"Dunno," John said. "George, our producer, isn't sure. They look like they're from the record company but he goes up there from time to time and he said he's never seen them there before."  
  
"They bother George all the time," Paul said. "Badger him with odd requests."  
  
"Like what?" the Doctor asked.  
  
Ringo snorted.  
  
"They keep trying to persuade him to make us sing songs that they've written or someone's written," he said, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Weird songs with far out lyrics," Paul added.  
  
"Such as?" the Doctor said.  
  
Paul scratched his chin thoughtfully.  
  
"They showed George one. Something about monkey fingers and eyeballs and toe jam football or something like that."  
  
The Doctor, Rory and Amy shared a look.  
  
"Yeah," Ringo said. "And there was another one that had a lot of weird words and phrases in it and it was something about a walrus. Complete rubbish if you ask me."  
  
"And they want you to sing these songs?" Rory said.  
  
"Yeah," Paul said. "We told George we have enough songs of our own but they keep on coming back and having meetings like this where they try to get George to cave in. And it's always these two blokes, no one else. They give me the creeps."  
  
"Do you know their names?" Amy asked.  
  
"Not their first names," Paul said. "The blonde one is Mister Jones and the other one is Mister Brown. That's all we know."  
  
"Generic sounding names," the Doctor said.  
  
"Exactly. Something isn't right here," Paul said.  
  
"They've never given George any sort of business card," John added. "He doesn't know their first names either and they won't say much about themselves, just come in and start badgering him about getting us to play their stupid songs. We've tried talking to them but they have about as much warmth as a rock in wintertime."  
  
"They never smile either," George said. "They always look like they have a stick up their arse. We've tried to be polite and say hello but they'll either ignore us or tell us to piss off, depending on the sort of mood they're in."  
  
"And they want you to record their songs while they treat you like dirt?" Amy said.  
  
"Exactly," George said. "I'm not suggesting they treat us like Lord God Almighty but a little common courtesy would be nice."  
  
"And George the producer just refuses them each time they come round?" Rory asked.  
  
"Yeah, he's a close friend and we told him that we aren't interested in recording these daft songs of theirs so he's respecting our wishes, which is more than I can say for them," Paul said. "He gets an earful of their abuse but George stands his ground, he's more concerned about what we want to do rather than what they want."  
  
The Doctor thought about that and suddenly got a sneaking suspicion about the men.  
  
"Have they ever threatened to hurt you lot or George if you don't do what they say?" the Doctor asked.  
  
The Beatles looked at each other.  
  
"Um…not to our faces," Ringo said.  
  
"And if they've threatened George, he's never said a thing about it," George said, shrugging.  
  
"I wouldn't put it past em though," Paul said. "These men mean business, you can tell that much about em. George makes us leave whenever they come round and I'm glad to get the hell out of their way. I think George is also afraid they might do something to us and that's why he insists we leave."  
  
"How long till they leave?" Rory asked.  
  
"Depends," John said with a shrug. "Could be minutes or hours, lately it's been minutes since they know George is gonna say no. I think they love coming round and screaming at him. After that, I'm sure they go back to whatever rock they crawled out of."  
  
Amy stared at the closed door, her heart tightening as she wondered if these were the men who would end up killing Paul. She didn't know if the Beatles were concerned for their lives but just from looking at them, she could imagine them doing something to Paul and threatening the others to comply…or else.  
  
The door opened and the Beatles pressed up against the wall as Mister Jones and Mister Brown stomped out in a huff. The two men stopped in front of the band and the Doctor balled up his fist and tensed his muscles in case they tried anything.  
  
"You lot are idiots," Brown snarled at them.  
  
George Martin appeared at the door.  
  
"Leave them alone!" he yelled. "Get outta here."  
  
Brown smirked at him.  
  
"You think you're gonna win? We will have our way, one way or another."  
  
"I believe George just told you to leave," Paul said.  
  
Brown and Jones looked at him and smirked.  
  
"Oh look, Baby Face is trying to be a tough guy," Brown said. "How'd you like me to rearrange those baby features of yours?"  
  
Amy stiffened when she saw Paul wasn't backing down and the look of anger in Brown's eyes at his defiance and refusal to be cowed by him. While they were staring each other down, John stepped up beside his best friend and glared at Brown.  
  
"Get the fuck outta here now," he growled at Brown. "Before you're the one who gets the messed up face."  
  
The other Beatles clustered around John and Paul giving Brown and Jones threatening looks. Brown scoffed at them.  
  
"I'd watch it if I were you because very soon you're going to be working for our employer and you don't want to get on his bad side."  
  
"And who exactly is your employer?" the Doctor asked.  
  
Brown and Jones glanced at him, gave him a disdainful look and turned their attention back to the Beatles.  
  
"We'll leave but just remember what we said. Enjoy your creative freedom while it lasts because it won't be long until you're taking orders from our employer," Brown said.  
  
He looked at Paul.  
  
"And I'd watch my tongue, Baby Face, because I can make the scars from your scooter accident look like nothing," he said with a sneer.  
  
John balled up his fist but before he could do anything, the men turned. With one backward glance at the group who was glaring at them, they headed towards the front door and left the studio.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	6. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88171) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88171)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=6) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Six  
  
The Beatles went back in the studio and tried to work on their songs but after the visit by Brown and Jones they're hearts weren't in it anymore and George the producer was feeling the same way.  
  
"Why don't we end this tonight, lads?" he finally said into the intercom. "We can start again in the morning after we've had some rest and gotten over what happened today."  
  
The Beatles put down their instruments, relieved to have a night off. Mal went in and put some things away while John and George put their guitars in their cases and Paul did the same with his bass. When Paul finished putting his bass away, he carried it out into the studio and set it down while he smiled at the Doctor, Rory and Amy.  
  
"Wanna go get something to eat?" he asked them.  
  
They nodded and Paul called to the others and told them they were coming with them.  
  
"We know a good chippie near here if you feel like fish and chips," Paul said to them.  
  
"Sounds good to me," Amy said.  
  
"Yeah, I could go for that," Rory added.  
  
"Chippie sounds good," the Doctor added.  
  
"Groovy. Wait a tic, we're almost ready," Paul said as he went back in the recording booth.  
  
Ringo came out and plopped down in a chair.  
  
"I don't have much to do," he said smugly. "My drum kit stays here so all I got to look after is me drumsticks. Sometimes it's good to be the drummer."  
  
"Except when crazy Hindus want the sacrificial ring off your finger," Rory said.  
  
"Oh yes!" Ringo said while they laughed. "I have that problem all the time. Crazy people trying to paint me red so they can kill me. It's irritating having to change me suits every five minutes."  
  
"What's that?" Paul said, coming outside.  
  
Ringo told him what they were talking about and Paul chuckled.  
  
"That was actually a fun experience. Much more of a plot than Hard Day's Night and we got to shoot part of it in the Bahamas. Nice and warm. You lot said you travel. You need to go to the Bahamas sometime if you get the chance."  
  
He picked his case up off the floor and used the strap to carry it on his back. George and John came out doing the same thing with their guitar cases. After telling the other George and Mal they were leaving, they wished them goodnight and walked outside. By the time they got outdoors the sun had nearly set. Dusk provided the Beatles with some camouflage from the fans but John went to his car and passed out some fedoras and dark sunglasses to his friends. Paul put a grey fedora on his head and put on his sunglasses.  
  
John walked to the driver's side and looked at Paul when he noticed he wasn't coming with the others.  
  
"Walking?" he asked him.  
  
"Part of the way. I gotta go over to the house and drop my bass off and let Jane know that I'll be back early tonight. We'll get a cab and meet you there."  
  
John nodded before he got in. Paul stepped back and stood with the others while the other Beatles closed their doors and they drove off.  
  
"Come on, you lot can meet Jane before we go and eat," Paul said as they followed him. "I room with her and her family in their house and they like to meet my friends. We'll say a quick hello and then be off."  
  
(Meanwhile…)  
  
"Report…"  
  
"It is nearly finished, my master. Soon the Beatles will be ours to control and through them and other entertainers, we will control the thought of the masses."  
  
"Have the Beatles agreed to sing the songs we have written for them?"  
  
There was a moment of hesitation.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Not yet, Master, so far they and their producer have refused to cooperate."  
  
"That is unfortunate. We may have to put our second plan into action in order to get them to cooperate. We must own them or all is lost."  
  
"Yes, Master. Do you wish me to carry out the second plan?"  
  
"Not yet. Give them one more chance."  
  
"And if they refuse?"  
  
"Choose one of the Beatles and kill him. Offer him up to our Lord Satan as a sacrifice to his glory."  
  
"I understand, Master. I believe I know who among them would be the perfect sacrifice."  
  
"Remember, my acolyte, if you carry it out, make it look like an accident. We don't want to arouse suspicion in the entertainment community, at least not yet. Once the Beatles and others like them are completely in our thrall then we can drop all pretense."  
  
"Yes, Master. What about the doubles?"  
  
"They are nearly ready. The brainwashings and training are complete and our Lord is only waiting to see if the Beatles will cooperate. If they don't, then we will eliminate one of them and use his double. Once that happens, we can proceed with the next phase and perform the plastic surgery that will make them look like their counterpart. Until then, they will remain in their cells."  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
"Now go and keep an eye on the Beatles. Try again tomorrow and if they refuse, pick the one you will sacrifice and then…let nothing or no one stand in your way."  
  
"Hello?" Paul said as he unlocked the door of the house he shared with Jane Asher and her family. "Jane? You here?"  
  
He looked around while the Doctor, Amy and Rory stood behind him. He called once more and shrugged when he didn't receive an answer.  
  
"Musta went out to eat with her parents. They do that if they think I'm gonna be working late," Paul said to his friends. "Be right back."  
  
He rushed upstairs and put his bass in his room. He came back down five minutes later and slapped his hands.  
  
"Right, let's go meet the others," he said.  
  
He locked the front door and put the key in his trouser pocket before he and the others walked to the pavement.  
  
"You're welcome to come back to the studio in the morning," Paul said as they looked for a cab. "Mal will let you in again. Where are you staying the night? Are you close? I take a walk in the early morning and if you're close enough, I can come get you and walk with you."  
  
"Actually, we're very close," the Doctor said. "But there's no need to come get us. Now that we know where you're staying, we can come and meet you in the morning for your walk."  
  
"Okay. I usually start out about five a.m. then," Paul said.  
  
"Will you be alright?" Amy asked.  
  
"Sure. This neighborhood, everyone knows me and they keep an eye on Jane's house. Our neighbors chase away any fans that try to camp out and they look after me when I'm out walking. I'll be fine."  
  
"I mean…you know…those two men," Amy said.  
  
Paul scoffed at that as he spotted a cab and signaled for it.  
  
"Them? P'eh, I think they're a couple of windbags. I don't think they'll do anything. They wouldn't dare. The moment it got out that they hurt Paul McCartney they'd have to run for their lives because a bunch of angry fans would want to rip them to pieces, not to mention Jane, her family and my neighbors. I'll be alright, Amy."  
  
The cab stopped and all of them got inside. Paul gave the cab driver the directions to the chippie and all of them relaxed as it pulled away from the curb.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	7. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88175) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88175)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=7) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
After eating, they walked with Paul back to his house while John dropped the other Beatles off at their flats before he went home to Cynthia and Julian. By the time they got to Paul's house, Jane and her parents were home so they quickly met them before bidding them all good night and letting Paul know that they were be outside at five in the morning. Paul stood at the front door and waved goodbye to them. He waited till they were out of sight before he went back inside and shut the door.  
  
They went back to the TARDIS and went inside for the night. The Doctor went to his library while Amy and Rory went to the room they shared and got ready for bed.  
  
"Quite a day, eh?" Rory said as he shut the door and they began to undress. "I'm so glad I followed your lead and decided to travel with the Doctor. Always wanted to meet one of the Beatles and now I've met all four of them. It's something to tell our children if we ever have any."  
  
He fell silent when he noticed Amy looked sad.  
  
"Amy? Are you alright?" he asked, crossing over to her.  
  
"I'm just worried about Paul. All of them, really, but Paul especially. What if those loonies make their move while we're in here?"  
  
"They won't," Rory said gently. "The Doctor said he won't die until September 11th."  
  
"Yeah, won't die but that doesn't mean he couldn't be kidnapped tonight and held until they killed him," Amy said. "What if something happens to him before tomorrow?"  
  
Rory took her in his arms and kissed her forehead.  
  
"He's with Jane and her parents and we'll see him at five in the morning. I think he'll be alright for tonight, love. Just quit worrying about it."  
  
"I'm trying; Rory, but I can't help it. I got to know him today and he's such a sweet guy. I hate to think that someone actually killed him. What if that Mister Brown and Mister Jones did it? Shouldn't we be keeping an eye on them? What if they're keeping Jane's house under surveillance? What if…"  
  
Rory put his hand over her mouth and Amy fell silent.  
  
"Amy, you can't keep watch over him 24/7. I told you, he's with Jane and her family, they'll keep an eye on him and so will his neighbors. Just relax and try to get some sleep, yeah? You won't be any use to Paul if you're knackered."  
  
Amy nodded and sighed as Rory kissed her face and neck. She put her arms around him neck and Rory opened his mouth so she could snog him. They sat down on their bed and spent an hour nuzzling, kissing and petting one another, giving each other some soothing comfort before they decided to go to sleep. Amy fell asleep in Rory's arms. For awhile she didn't dream but a few hours in, she had a horrible dream where she was tied up to a tree, forced to watch while Mister Brown and Mister Jones beat Paul McCartney's body until he was near dead and then they slit his throat while they laughed. Amy's eyes snapped open. She looked at Rory who was snoring softly and she slowly moved away from him to the edge of the bed. She sat up and slowly stood up, careful not to wake her husband. She went outside the room and walked to the console room.  
  
The Doctor was sitting in his chair, relaxing while he listened to Mozart playing from his console. His eyes were closed but he sensed Amy coming and opened them.  
  
"Everything alright?" he asked her.  
  
"I'm just worried about Paul, Doctor," Amy said as she squatted down beside him.  
  
The Doctor smiled and patted her shoulder.  
  
"Paul's safe. He's with Jane and her family and I doubt someone will make a move if he's around others. The whole idea is to make it look like Paul had an accident."  
  
"Do you think Mister Jones and Mister Brown are behind it?"  
  
"Dunno. They seem like the shady types that would carry out an execution. On the other hand, they could just be hired muscle for the real mastermind and they're sent round to try to get the Beatles to agree to work for this other person before they get their hands dirty with killing someone."  
  
"Paul won't agree to work for them."  
  
"I know. I believe that's why he ended up dead. I've been thinking it over and one thing that I realized is that before Sergeant Pepper came out, Paul didn't do any hard drugs. He said so himself in an interview. He smokes pot and takes an occasional Quaalude to wind down but that's it. Suddenly, Sergeant Pepper comes along and he's giving interviews and admitting to taking LSD."  
  
"So? Lots of people experimented with it in the '60's, right?" Amy said.  
  
"Yes, but Paul was insistent that he would never do that sort of thing. He wouldn't use cocaine or heroin so it seems a bit odd that he suddenly fancies LSD only months after he dies. You've met him and spoke with him, Amy. Does he seem the type to suddenly decide to take harder drugs after he made up his mind he wasn't going to?"  
  
"No. I can't imagine him doing that, sitting in a corner or something tripping on acid. It doesn't seem like him. But this double…he thinks it's alright to do that, yeah?"  
  
"Yes, but I think it's more than that. I think it's more than personal preference. I have a feeling that the LSD is part of the larger agenda. But I still have to fit that puzzle piece into its proper slot. I just know that it seems odd that Paul not only starts taking acid but he goes on record saying that he sees nothing wrong with it. Has to be a connection somewhere between his double and the sudden use of LSD."  
  
"How did he die?" Amy said after a moment of silence.  
  
"Car crash. At least that's the legend. He lost control one night and crashed his car and he was decapitated."  
  
Amy made a face as her hand went up to her neck.  
  
"And someone started putting all these clues on the record albums?"  
  
"Well, supposedly that someone was John. John wanted the world to know the truth so he started inserting all these clues on the songs and on the album covers so someone would finally figure it out. Again, that's a part of the legend. I don't know for sure if that's true but if your best mate is killed and a double is thrust upon you and you want people to find out, what better way than to hide the clues inside your songs and on your albums."  
  
"And they said if you play some of the songs backwards, you hear some of these clues," Amy said.  
  
"Yup. Have you ever done that?"  
  
"Played record albums backwards? No," Amy said.  
  
The Doctor got up and walked over to his computer terminal. He stopped the Mozart and looked at Amy.  
  
"Ever heard Revolution 9?" he asked her.  
  
"A long time ago. I remember it was weird and I hated it."  
  
"Yes. It was created by John and Yoko and the other Beatles fought to keep it off the White Album but in the end John and Yoko won out. I have the song in my database and I can get the TARDIS to play it backwards. Have a listen, it's fascinating."  
  
Amy nodded. She sat down on the floor beside the Doctor's chair. He cued up Revolution 9 and commanded the TARDIS to play it backwards. Once it started, he sat back down and he and Amy listened. Amy's eyes bulged when a few seconds into the song, she heard a childlike voice saying, "Satan, look at me, please."  
  
"What? Did I hear that right?" Amy said to the Doctor.  
  
"About Satan? Yes, there are a couple of bits related to Satan in addition to the Paul is dead stuff," he said.  
  
They listened. Amy couldn't make out everything but she heard more about Satan before she finally heard the phrase turn me on, dead man repeated over and over.  
  
"This is what you get when you play the phrase number 9 backwards. That's why it keeps repeating because John inserted that into the song many times. Now, listen and you'll hear the actual car crash."  
  
Amy heard a screeching that sounded like skidding tires followed by a crashing sound. Then she heard someone repeating "Get me out," over and over. Then she heard the sound of crackling flames and in the middle of it, a high-pitched voice saying "Paul is doomed." Her blood ran cold as she imagined Paul trapped inside a car, screaming in pain while he burned to death. She then had a thought.  
  
"Wait, you said he got decapitated so how could he be screaming, "Get me out?" she said.  
  
The Doctor chuckled.  
  
"I didn't say the clues were absolute proof, I'm just letting you hear some of the clues pertaining to the legend and let you decide for yourself."  
  
As Amy listened, she suddenly had a disturbing thought.  
  
"What if it doesn't matter?" she murmured.  
  
The Doctor jerked his head down.  
  
"I'm sorry?" he said.  
  
"What if what we do doesn't matter in the end? We tried to help Van Gogh and he still ended up killing himself. What if we save Paul and instead we just delay the inevitable," Amy said, her voice cracking with emotion.  
  
The Doctor got up and got down on the floor beside her. He put his arm around her and Amy wrapped his arms around him while the Doctor laid his head on hers.  
  
"You can't think that every time we help someone," he said gently. "You can't think that what we do won't make a difference in the end. That's defeatist talk and you can't be a defeatist and travel with me. Otherwise you'll eventually come to the conclusion that nothing you do matters and you won't help anyone and you'll be no use to me or anyone else."  
  
"I just don't want Paul to die," Amy sobbed. "I had to come to terms with Vincent killing himself and thinking…"  
  
"Thinking what?" the Doctor said when she trailed off.  
  
"Thinking that he might have committed suicide because I didn't stay and marry him. What if I'm the cause of his suicide?"  
  
"Pond, you can't do this," the Doctor said, cupping her face with his hands. "You don't know that. You don't know why he killed himself and you can't torture yourself with what ifs. You had a choice to stay with him and be his wife and you declined. Right or wrong, you chose your path in life and right or wrong, so did he. Same with Paul. I know you care for Paul and I know you and he have become friends but sooner or later we're gonna have to leave him behind and leave him to make his own decisions and determine his own destiny. Now, we have an opportunity to save his life and stop a gross injustice from being committed, what happens afterwards is up to him and if it so happens that we leave and the next day he walks across the street and gets hit by a car then unfortunately that was a consequence of not allowing him to die in this car crash that was depicted on Revolution 9 or whatever method was used to kill him. If you truly care for him, you'll help save him and then keep him in your heart and trust him to fate or luck or his destiny, whatever it may be. But you can't sit around and think what if, what if, what if all the time, Amy, it'll drive you insane. So will you stop second guessing everything and worrying about what might happen if Paul is or isn't rescued?"  
  
Amy nodded and the Doctor gave her a firm kiss on the forehead and put his own forehead against hers.  
  
"Promised ya I wouldn't kiss ya anymore but I think the occasion calls for a friendly kiss, especially if it makes you feel better. Does it?"  
  
Amy laughed through her sobs.  
  
"Yeah, it does," she said.  
  
"Good. Now I want you to go back to bed, relax and snuggle with your husband. We're gonna see him in the morning and I promise you, he'll be alive and well when we walk up to his house. Okay?"  
  
"Yeah," Amy said, nodding.  
  
The Doctor gave her another kiss on the forehead and smiled when Amy hugged him. He returned the hug and patted her back. He wished her goodnight and watched while she walked to the back door. Once she was gone, he got up off the floor, went to his monitor and started up the Mozart again.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	8. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88200) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88200)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=8) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
The next morning, Rory and Amy awoke when the Doctor knocked on their door and got them up at 4 a.m. They went to separate bathrooms and got ready for the day. Amy went back up to the wardrobe room after freshening up. She chose a knee length purple paisley dress that had pockets so she could still keep the postcard with her and she kept her go-go boots. After checking herself in the mirror, she went back downstairs with her purse. She met Rory and the Doctor in the console room. Both Rory and the Doctor were still in the same outfits they had on yesterday. Amy rolled her eyes at her husband.  
  
"You're getting to be as bad as him," she said, pointing to the Doctor.  
  
"My clothes aren't dirty," Rory said defensively. "Besides they're comfortable."  
  
"Yes, why change clothes when they work so well on your body?" the Doctor said.  
  
"Men…"Amy muttered, rolling her eyes.  
  
They walked out of the TARDIS and headed back down the street to Paul's house. By the time they got there, Paul was waiting by the house. He was wearing a leather jacket and had his fedora and sunglasses on in addition to a false mustache and small beard on his chin. Jane was standing beside him when they walked up and they both waved. Jane was slightly shorter than Paul, thin and statuesque with long red hair that was a shade lighter than Amy's. It came down to her shoulders but for the moment she had pulled it back in a ponytail. She was dressed in a yellow top with brown trousers and flip flops.  
  
"Mornin'," he said as he and Jane walked towards them. "Jane wanted to greet you before we walked off."  
  
"I'm cooking Paul's breakfast and since you've kind enough to walk with him this morning, I'll fix enough for all of you. An English breakfast will be waiting for you when you come back."  
  
"Thank you, that would be lovely," the Doctor said while Amy and Rory nodded.  
  
"Jane takes care of me. I have to walk just to work off the calories from her cooking, otherwise I'd be as big as a zeppelin," Paul said, patting his stomach. "And…because Amy is concerned about my safety, I decided to put a false beard and mustache on this morning."  
  
"And I'm glad he did," Jane said. "Ever since he told me about that Mister Brown and Jones I've been worried about him."  
  
"I'll be alright, love, promise. Quit worrying, yeah?" Paul said.  
  
The Doctor, Amy and Rory smiled when Paul kissed her lips for thirty seconds before pulling away. He waved at Jane with everyone else and she waved back, going back inside the house when they walked away.  
  
"My mustache and beard are from the opening scene of Hard Day's Night," he said to them as they walked. "When I was hiding from the screaming girls with my grandfather. I kept it, figured it would come in handy sometimes and I just put a bit of spirit gum on them and hey presto, I have facial hair. It's not much of a disguise but not many people are out at 5 a.m. and the ones that are usually are heading to work and don't have time to stop and look. But I've tried to take a morning walk ever since I was a teenager back in Liverpool. I find it relaxing, more so now that I'm famous and can't walk around like I used to. Jane doesn't fancy morning walks though. Sometimes Tara will walk with me but that's not very often either so it's nice to have company for a change."  
  
"Who's Tara? Another lady friend?" Amy said.  
  
Paul chuckled.  
  
"No, Tara's a bloke. Tara Browne."  
  
Paul frowned when Amy shrugged and said, "I don't know who that is." The Doctor looked back at her.  
  
"Tara Browne mum's is heir to the Guinness fortune."  
  
"Correct," Paul said, "and his dad's a baron so he's very wealthy and a bit of a playboy. He's a nice chap though. He's good for a laugh and he's one of the few people who understand what it's like to be wealthy and famous."  
  
"He's the same one who was with you when you crashed your moped?" Amy said.  
  
"Yeah. He went riding with me and as I was telling Amy, it was a cold, clear December night and the moon was out and I was admiring it and the moped must have hit a hole in the road because the next thing I knew I felt like I was heading towards the road in slow motion. Chipped my tooth and the chipped tooth came through my upper lip and sliced it and the spot above my left eye was bruised and bloodied. Tara took me back home and he helped Jane's dad get my lip stitched up but I still have the scars."  
  
Rory turned so he could get a look at the scars. Everyone stopped with Paul and he pointed to a spot on the left side of his upper lip. Everyone leaned in close and saw faint scars just under the mustache.  
  
"Ouch," Rory said.  
  
"I didn't really feel it, to be honest. The stitches hurt more than the accident. I told Amy I didn't even feel my tooth break off because it missed the nerve ending. I have the tooth capped now," he said, pointing to his left front tooth," but it took awhile for me to get it done because I kept putting it off since we were so busy. The day after it happened we filmed a short promotional film for Paperback Writer and you can see my chipped tooth. And I wore sunglasses because my eye was still swollen and I sat through the whole thing because my body was aching. The other guys wore sunglasses as well so I wouldn't look so out of place but then we ended up doing another promotional film for Rain and you can still see the chipped tooth. After that, George Martin told me to get it capped or he'd do it himself so I gave in and made an appointment."  
  
They walked on, talking to one another, unaware that they were being followed by a man in a black trench coat. He was walking on the other side of the street, keeping to the shadows, a black fedora pulled down over his face and dark sunglasses covering his eyes. He walked slowly but not so slow he wasn't able to keep the group in sight. He reached into the pocket of his trench coat and pulled out a small black communicator. His Lord, Satan, the Prince of Darkness, had given one to all his minions so they could keep in contact with each other. He had never seen anything like it. A small box that you could speak into like a walkie talkie but it was unlike any walkie talkie he'd ever seen. Still, Satan was all-powerful and who was he to question his master. His job was to obey his orders and he and the others had been following the Beatles. He was currently assigned to Paul. He had been following him for a few months now, had learned his routine and he knew about his morning walk. However, he usually walked alone, this was the first time the three people from the studio had joined him. He guessed that they were just one of many hangers on that the Beatles brought to the studio, stray dogs that followed at their heels wherever the four of them went. Still, it didn't matter; these three were inconsequential compared to Paul. He lifted the box to his lips and pressed a small black button on the side of it.  
  
"I'm following Paul McCartney now," he spoke softly into the tiny speaker on the top of the box.  
  
He let go of the button.  
  
"What is he doing?"  
  
The voice was of Martok, Satan's second in command and the one who directly led his minions. Martok was the one he reported to. He only saw Lord Satan when it was absolutely necessary which was good because Martok was frightening to look at but nothing compared to the Prince of Darkness. He pressed the button.  
  
"He's out for his morning walk, but there are three others with him. New people. They were at the studio yesterday so I'm guessing they're more people they found and brought back there."  
  
"This habit of bringing strangers back to the studio is irritating, rest assured once the Beatles are under our control it will stop," Martok said. "They will be too busy working for us to entertain guests."  
  
"What do we do in the meantime?" the man said. "What should we do with these three interlopers."  
  
"Nothing at present. I will send Mister Brown and Mister Jones round to ask their producer one more time if they will work for us. The Beatles usually work till eleven p.m. or midnight. If they refuse us then you and Mister Brown and Mister Jones will wait outside the studio. Paul usually walks home since it's not very far from the studio. Wait till he's far enough away from the others and take him, let him be the sacrifice since he is the easiest one to kidnap. He's perfect anyway. He is filled with love and goodness and he is a being of light and the fool must die so that darkness and shadow can come in and rule the others. He is an innocent and that's exactly what we need, an innocent sacrificial lamb that will glorify our master and allow him to grow in power and strength."  
  
"Yes," the man hissed. "I promise, Lord Martok, I will not fail you."  
  
"You better not or you might find yourself on the sacrificial altar," Martok said angrily. "We have spent months preparing for this moment and you will not ruin it!"  
  
"I will not fail, I swear it, he's as good as ours!" the man said.  
  
"Good. Keep following him. I'm pretty sure his producer will refuse again and if he does, Paul is ours."  
  
A maniacal grin spread over the man's face. He put the communicator back in his pocket and put his hands in both his pockets while he casually followed his quarry.  
  
Martok put the communicator back in the leather pouch he had tied around his waist. He chuckled to himself thinking how gullible the humans were. His race was far from being the mythological demons the Christian Bible depicted but with their red skin, cloven hooves on their feet and long horns they certainly looked the part. They had come to Earth centuries ago with the aim of slowly manipulating the human race so that they could finally rule over them someday. In a flash of inspiration that came after reading the Christian Bible, the commander of the first expedition renamed himself Satan and made himself known to a group of humans he had been observing. These humans were power hungry, eager to extend their influence over their fellow man at any race and Satan realized that these callous, greedy humans could be used as tools in service of their ultimate plan. In another flash of inspiration, he gathered them together, convinced him he was the actual Satan and called their group Illiminati or the light bringers, a name that brought Satan and the others great amusement since these evil minded humans were anything but light bringers. He helped establish these humans in positions of power in different fields and they and their descendants with the guiding hand of Satan and his race have been slowly working behind the scenes, causing wars, depressions, genocides and disasters, manipulating the gullible humans and through the illuminati influencing everything from public opinion to fads and fashion. Centuries after they first formed the Illuminati, their influence stretched far and wide from Wall Street to the entertainment world and there was no shortage of those who were willing to give their allegiance to Satan and his minions in return for the false promise of power, drugs, women, prestige and anything else their greedy, selfish minds dreamed up.  
  
Occasionally, there had been those who had resisted them and tried to fight back but most were quickly paid off, disgraced, subdued and in extreme cases, killed. The murders were either outright homicides or in most cases made to look like accidents or suicides. A great majority of those that were killed were replaced with doubles who had been brainwashed to act and think like the person they were replaced, their faces sculpted with plastic surgery to get them to look like the person as accurately as possible. Which was what they planned to do with the Beatles should they resist. The Beatles rocketed to the top of the entertainment world, adored by millions, thought of as rock gods. They had much influence over the populace, although at the moment that influence was mainly used to promote peace and love. It was Martok and his minion's job to use that power for their own ends. The Beatles would still be seen as messengers of light but through subtle guidance and manipulation of the humans that hung on their every word they would bring about Satan's agenda and help forward his master plan. Martok chuckled to himself. In his opinion, the humans were like the sheep that roamed aimlessly around fields, willing to follow anyone they saw as better or more important than themselves. And like sheep, eventually these same humans would be led to slaughter and someday, he and his race would rule the Earth with absolute authority.  
  
His ears perked up when he heard Satan summoning him from the other room. Their main headquarters used to be a warehouse until they converted it. For the human's benefit, they put satanic symbols up all over the place, but these symbols meant nothing to him and his people, it was merely all part of the deception. He went into the next room which used to be someone's office. The office part had been preserved so Satan would have a workarea. He had a large desk made out of teak wood with a black computer chair and two wooden chairs in front of the desk for other people to use. The wooden bookcase behind him held books, papers and manila folders filled with information on various people. There was a small wall clock on the left side of the wall and one lone light bulb hanging from a light fixture above his head, other than that the office had nothing else in it. Satan gestured to one of the chairs in front of him and Martok sat down.  
  
"Have you heard anything from your spies?" Satan said.  
  
"Yes. Mister Johnson just reported in. He's following Paul McCartney as he takes his morning walk. There are three others with him, friends that apparently followed him to the studio last night and haven't left yet. Mister Brown and Mister Jones are going to ask George Martin one more time if they will comply with our demands, if not, I instructed Mister Johnson to kidnap Paul and bring him here."  
  
"Excellent. We've allowed that band too much freedom for too long; it's time we were telling them what to do. Since you have chosen Mister McCartney, I will have the other doubles destroyed and prepare William Campbell to take his place. "  
  
"Yes, Satan, I will incinerate the other doubles and bring William Campbell to you for final instructions."  
  
"Excellent. Is there anything else?"  
  
"No, that was all he had to report."  
  
"Very well. Go and keep monitoring Mister Johnson. Tonight, we finally make our move."  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	9. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88207) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88207)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=9) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
Amy yawned and glanced up at the clock in the studio. It was nearing midnight. After eating breakfast at Jane's house, they walked to Abbey Road with Paul. Amy thought it strange that he didn't have a car of his own and asked about it before they left Jane's house.  
  
"Oh, I have a car," Paul said.  
  
He pointed to a white Aston Martin parked beside the curb near the house.  
  
"That's mine. I don't use it in the city very often since London is a nightmare to drive through. I like to drive into the country though when I have the time and that's when I use it. The house is right down the street from the studio and like I said, the neighborhood is pretty safe for me to walk through. Other than that, we all use John's car and ride together. Saves time and petrol."  
  
That had been nearly 16 hours ago, now Rory was asleep beside her and the Doctor had his eyes closed as well, although Amy thought he was meditating rather than sleeping. The Beatles had recorded several tracks, most of them Amy recognized from Sergeant Pepper and they worked on Octopus's Garden for awhile. They had taken a couple of breaks to go and eat and they had gotten some Chinese takeaway early in the day and reheated it up for supper. The other thing that happened was Mister Brown and Mister Jones returned to once again talk to George Martin. The Beatles, by now thoroughly sick and tired of the interruption, fought to keep their tempers under control while they stood outside in the hallway with her and the Doctor and Rory and waited for them to leave. This time George Martin screamed at them to leave and never come back and they could hear him through the door. To their relief, they did just that but Amy noticed that both men stared at Paul with evil smiles on their faces while they walked past him. The look they gave him was almost predatory and it chilled her to the bone. She silently made a decision to stick by Paul and make sure nothing happened to him, now and for the rest of the night.  
  
Finally, a half hour after midnight, George Martin told everyone to go home for the night.  
  
"We'll take a day off tomorrow so everyone can recharge their batteries," George told the band while they breathed a collective sigh of relief.  
  
"Thank God," John said. "I'm gonna go home and sleep for twenty four hours straight."  
  
"Sounds good to me, mate," Ringo said, "But I think I'll sleep for forty eight."  
  
"You're always trying to outdo me, Starr," John said. "It's getting to be annoying."  
  
He noticed Paul passing by him.  
  
"And I'm sure Paulie will be having sex nonstop till he comes back to the studio," he said loudly.  
  
"That's between me and Jane and no one else," Paul said over his shoulder as he left the studio.  
  
"Damn, you mean I can't bring the wife and kiddy over and get some pointers on my technique?" John said as Ringo sniggered.  
  
"Nah, I don't want you scaring Jane's parent's again," Paul said airily as he walked out of the room.  
  
He paused and noticed Rory was asleep. The Doctor and Amy were giggling at George who pretended he was about to punch him.  
  
"Should I wake him up in a violent manner?" George asked his friend.  
  
"Nah, might make him cranky and he might attack," Paul said. "Use the gentle approach."  
  
"Bugger, that's boring," George said as Amy laughed.  
  
He bent over and shook Rory's shoulder.  
  
"Roooory," George said in a falsetto voice while everyone in the room giggled, "love, it's mummy. We're at gran's now, wake up."  
  
His eyes closed, Rory grinned at that while everyone laughed harder. He opened one eye and looked at George.  
  
"Funny, you don't look like my mum," Rory said.  
  
"I've gone into menopause and my hormones went wild," George said, using the falsetto voice as everyone laughed.  
  
He switched to his normal voice.  
  
"I envy you," he said to Rory as he straightened up. "I've been wanting to sleep all night and I come out here and you're living my fantasy."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry. It got a bit boring listening to the same songs for sixteen hours," Rory said, stretching.  
  
"You're telling me?" George said while his band mates howled with laughter. "I'm the one playing the ruddy songs; I know full well how boring it is to play them over and over."  
  
Rory stood up and stretched his back.  
  
"Is it time to go?" Rory asked.  
  
"Yeah, they finally let them go for the night," the Doctor said, standing up.  
  
"Are you staying for a few days?" Paul asked. "I wouldn't mind if you came back over in the morning and walked with me again."  
  
John looked at George and Ringo.  
  
"When did Paulie become so needy?" he said as George and Ringo snickered. "He never asks us to go for walkies but total strangers? Sure, come along with me as I watch the sunrise. Makes me feel like an old used boot and here I gave Paul his lucky break when he joined the Quarryman. Some thanks!"  
  
"Right, John, like you would tear yourself away from Cynthia and your stash of pot to come and walk with me," Paul said.  
  
John raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Wanna say that a bit louder, Paul? I don't think the bobbies down the street heard you mentioning my pot supply," he said. "Not to mention this lot could be a bunch of police informers."  
  
"Nah, we won't tell anyone about your pot," Rory said.  
  
"Better not or you'll get the Scouser Special," John teased, holding his face up to his face.  
  
George put his hand on John's shoulder.  
  
"There, there, Johnny, remember the last time you used the Scouser Special? We had to rescue you from the Black Hole of Calcutta."  
  
"Oh yeah," John said, scratching his chin thoughtfully, "I owe you for that. Although…it wasn't that bad being crammed in with all the other prisoners. I was just getting to know that muscular transvestite, Frodo, he was a top bloke and he promised to bugger me so gently I wouldn't be able to feel it."  
  
Paul rolled his eyes.  
  
"And on that note, I believe I will take my leave," he said as everyone laughed. "Good night everyone!"  
  
Amy glanced up at the clock and her heart raced. It was now nearly 1 a.m. on September 11th. She knew that the stories said that Paul crashed his car at night and she suddenly had an urge to stay near him.  
  
"Doctor," she said softly, leaning into his ear. "It's September 11th now."  
  
"I know," the Doctor said. "We'll have to be extra vigilant tonight."  
  
"Well, do you mind if I walk Paul home and come back to the TARDIS? I don't want something to happen to him."  
  
"Good idea. Rory and I will follow at a distance and if you like, we'll stay near his house tonight and keep a watch until 5 a.m."  
  
"Yes, please, I wanna do that."  
  
The Doctor nodded. He smiled and patted her shoulder and whispered to Rory what they were going to do while Amy walked off to find Paul.  
  
She found him just outside the studio, finishing a cigarette. He smiled when he saw her come outside.  
  
"Hey, just relaxing a moment. I know I don't have far to walk but I've been on my feet for sixteen hours and right now my house seems like it's in China or at least that's what my feet are telling me. So I thought I'd have a fag and let my feet realize the inevitable."  
  
"I was wondering if you'd like me to walk you home, give you some company on the way."  
  
Paul beamed.  
  
"I'd love that," he said, dropping his cigarette and crushing it out with his foot. "The Doctor and Rory don't mind?"  
  
"Nah, it isn't that far from where we're staying," Amy said. "I told them my idea and they were okay with it."  
  
"What about you? Will you be alright walking back by yourself? It's a safe neighborhood but still…"  
  
"Nah, I'll be alright, I can take care of myself."  
  
"I can believe that actually. Well then, ready to go?"  
  
"If your feet are up to it."  
  
"Ready or not," Paul said with a shrug.  
  
Amy laughed. Paul took her hand and they walked off. The two of them chatted quietly while they headed towards the house. Halfway there, Amy suddenly had a funny feeling they were being watched. Figuring it was the Doctor and Rory, she turned her head and her eyes widened when she saw Mister Jones, Mister Brown and a third men following them.  
  
"Paul," Amy said, tugging his hand.  
  
Paul gave her a questioning look, saw she was looking behind her and looked back.  
  
"Oh…fuck," Paul muttered when he saw Brown and Jones. "Amy…get behind me, I'll sort this out. Once I get done fucking up their faces, they'll finally learn not to harass us anymore."  
  
"No! Paul, run!" Amy said urgently.  
  
"Run? Amy, they're just gonna follow us and keep on harassing…"  
  
"No, they wanna kill you! We have to run!"  
  
Paul gave her a confused look but he looked over his shoulder and noticed the maniacal look in the three men's eyes. He suddenly had a sneaking suspicion that Amy was right. He looked at her and leaned in close.  
  
"Okay, we run. Head towards my Aston Martin. The roads won't be as congested now and we can drive towards the countryside."  
  
Amy didn't like the idea of Paul being behind the wheel of his car now but she knew they had no choice. His Aston Martin was the quickest way to get away from the men. She nodded and Paul gave her hand a squeeze. He counted to three and screamed NOW as they broke apart and sprinted towards the car. Amy's heart raced when she heard Brown scream "Get them!" and she ran as fast as she could, making a beeline for the Aston Martin as Paul raced beside her. Amy could hear the cursing of the three men behind her but she kept her focus as her feet pounded the pavement. She hoped that the Doctor and Rory were catching up to the men. She had no idea if they saw what had happened but she hoped that her husband and friend weren't far behind.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, they reached the car.  
  
"Door's unlocked, get in!" Paul yelled at her.  
  
Amy lunged for the door handle as the three men yelled more curses. She and Paul flung themselves into the car and slammed the doors. Both of them locked their doors and Paul stuck his key in the ignition.  
  
"Come on, come on," Paul muttered, his hand shaking as he turned the key.  
  
The car roared to life and Paul switched it into first gear. The three men behind them cursed louder as the car zoomed out into the empty road and sped away. Paul let out a sigh of relief before he let out an angry yell and slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.  
  
"Damn those mother fuckers. What the hell is their problem? Bunch of fucking nutters!" he yelled.  
  
He calmed down and shook his head.  
  
"Don't worry, Amy," he said as he drove. "I have some friends that live out of town. One friend I know of has a large house and he's a night owl. He'll be up at this hour. We'll go there and ring the police while we hide. Hopefully, by the time the sun's up, the fuckers will have fled and we can come back. Goddamn it, I'm so glad I don't have to go in tomorrow. It's bad enough spending long hours recording our songs without losing valuable studio time. Nutters."  
  
Amy laid her hand on Paul's arm and he smiled at that while he drove. Being in the car with him on September 11th terrified her and she said a silent prayer to God that they would survive the night. Paul seemed to be calming down the further they got away from the three men and she figured he would be extra careful since she was sitting beside him. Still, she knew she would rest easy when they reached his friend's house. Luckily the traffic was light and they quickly got out of the city and drove into the countryside. Paul kept checking his rearview mirror and with each glance, he calmed down further when he saw no one was following them.  
  
"I think we lost them. I just hope they didn't turn and go back to the studio and ambush the others."  
  
"If he did, the Doctor would have made quick work of them."  
  
Paul grinned.  
  
"He's that tough?"  
  
"Very tough, he may not look like much but he's an expert fighter and he can make those three men regret ever coming to the studio."  
  
"Same with John. John was a teddy boy back in the old days and he got into his share of punch-ups and always won. They'd be wise to steer clear of him."  
  
Amy slumped down in her seat and wiped the sweat from her brow. She glanced out the window and looked at the darkened countryside whizzing by the car. She debated whether or not she should tell Paul what she knew about his death. She wanted to warn him but she didn't want her friend to think she was a nutter.  
  
"Paul?" she finally said.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Do you believe in having premonitions? Like having psychic ability?" Amy asked him.  
  
"Like ESP?"  
  
Amy nodded.  
  
"Yeah. I've had dreams that have come true before and had gut feelings that turned out to be right. I s'pose that could count as ESP, why?"  
  
"I just think that you should be careful tonight," Amy said. "Especially driving this car."  
  
"You mean like getting in an accident?" Paul said, glancing at her.  
  
"Yeah. It's just a gut feeling," Amy said.  
  
"Don't worry. I'm keeping my eyes on the road," he said. "We're nearly there so just relax and…oh…fuck!"  
  
Amy's eyes bulged.  
  
"What? What is it?" she said, panicking as Paul suddenly sped up.  
  
"They didn't have their headlights on and…"  
  
She screamed and lunged forward when a car suddenly came out of nowhere and rammed into the back of the Aston Martin. Paul cursed and quickly corrected the car before they went into the ditch. Amy tried to put her seatbelt on but the car rammed them again and her hands flew out as she caught herself on the dashboard. Paul gritted his teeth as he tried to speed up and get away from them. He squinted his eyes when the car, who was driving without its headlights on suddenly turned them on and turned them on full blast. Paul tried to see out the windshield past the light reflected on it. Then the car sped up, got alongside them and hit the backside. Paul cursed as the car was pushed off the road and he and Amy screamed as the car rolled down a steep embankment, turned over and landed upside down in a field beside a large hill.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	10. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88210) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88210)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=10) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
The Doctor, Rory and the remaining Beatles stepped outside the studio. They had spent nearly a half hour drinking tea and chatting before John, George and Ringo finally decided to go home. When they got outside, they looked around for Amy and Paul and didn't see them.  
  
"Musta already went home," John said. "He's been tired lately. He needs to rest, the poor bugger."  
  
"Amy went with him, wanted to take a walk," the Doctor said. "If they left a half hour ago, she's probably back at our hotel now waiting for us."  
  
"Well, can't keep her waiting. We'll see you day after tomorrow then?" John said.  
  
The Doctor nodded. Everyone said their goodbyes and the Doctor and Rory waited until the Beatles had climbed into John's car and sped off before they walked towards the TARDIS.  
  
Meanwhile, Paul groaned as he lay sprawled out on the roof of his car. He was in severe pain; especially his left side and he could taste blood in his mouth from where he had bit his tongue. He lifted his head and looked around groggily.  
  
"Amy?" he said.  
  
He saw her lying nearby. His heart nearly stopped when he noticed she wasn't moving. He tried to shift his legs around towards the back of the car and move towards her but the pain in his side was unbearable and he stopped himself.  
  
"Amy? Amy, are you…awake?"  
  
To his relief, he heard Amy let out a groan. He gritted his teeth as he tried to move towards her but his side hurt so badly, he couldn't do it.  
  
"Damn, I think I cracked some ribs," he said, putting his hand on his left side. "At least I hope they're just cracked. Amy, can you move? Are you hurt badly?"  
  
"I think I can move," Amy muttered as she slowly lifted her head. "I hurt all over."  
  
"So do I. I think I cracked some ribs and I bit my tongue and my head hurts but other than that, I think I'm alright. I'm alive at least."  
  
Amy turned her head to look at him and he winced when he saw a cut on the right side of her forehead. Dried blood trickled down the right side of her face and there was some bruising on her face and arms but to his relief, she looked relatively unharmed. He was so concerned for her safety that it took him a moment to remember the men in the car and he jerked his head around when he saw movement outside the car and saw two pairs of legs come up to the driver side window. The door was wrenched open and Mister Brown knelt down and smiled at him.  
  
"Hello, Baby Face, have a little accident?" he said sweetly.  
  
"Fuck you," Paul said.  
  
"Nah, you're not my type," Brown said as Jones sniggered and squatted down beside him.  
  
Paul turned his head when the other door was wrenched open and Mister Johnson squatted down and peered inside. Paul shot him a warning look when he saw him leering at Amy and reaching out to touch her legs. He was about to say something when suddenly Brown grabbed hold of his legs. Before he could do anything, Brown started jerking him out of the car and he let out a yell of agony as he was dragged out on his stomach.  
  
"Paul!" Amy yelled as she watched him being pulled out his door.  
  
She gasped when Mister Johnson grabbed her legs and did the same thing. She gritted her teeth, fighting the pain as he pulled her out. Once she was out of the car, Johnson turned her onto her back and for one heartstopping moment she thought he was going to rape her.  
  
"Bring her over here, put her near Pretty Boy," Brown said to him.  
  
Amy winced when Johnson gathered her into his arms. As they went around the car, she could see Paul sprawled out on his stomach between Brown and Jones. Her heart nearly stopped again when she noticed Jones had a knife in his hand, a knife with a blade that looked like it was nearly a foot long. On the end of the handle, Amy saw a carved demon's head. She gasped when Johnson dropped her onto her back a couple of feet from Paul. She looked at him and he gave her a brave smile as he watched her. Amy stared at the blade of the sword-like knife and looked at Jones.  
  
"What are you going to do to us?" she asked, dreading the answer.  
  
"Well, we didn't reckon on you being here tonight but I s'pose the short answer is you and Baby Face here are about to lose your heads."  
  
"No," Paul said, turning his head to look at him. "Let her go, please. Don't kill her."  
  
"How noble," Brown said. "But you see, she's a witness and witnesses are bad. We can't have her telling everyone about us and what we did to you. See, we always planned to have you die in a car crash; make it look like an accident. Except you didn't die so we'll have to finish the job. Luckily we planned ahead and not only have this huge sacrificial knife but also two cans of petrol. So Paulie boy, you and the bird there are gonna be tragic victims of a fiery car crash where you both ended up being decapitated. So sad, but on the plus side, you won't be missed. In fact, no one will even know you're gone."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Paul said.  
  
Amy swallowed hard, knowing exactly what he meant but Brown chuckled gleefully.  
  
"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Baby Face. You won't be around to see what happens next," he said. "Now be a good boy, accept your fate and lie still and if you don't move it'll be a quick and painless death."  
  
Amy knew she had to think fast before Paul's head was severed from his body. She raised her head fighting back a wave of nausea while Jones came forward and Brown put his foot on Paul's back.  
  
"No, wait! Please don't do this!" Amy begged.  
  
"Shut up, duckie. We'll make this quick and then it'll be your turn," Brown said to her.  
  
"No. Please let him live. Let us both live. We're more valuable to you alive than dead," she implored.  
  
That gave Jones pause. He stared down at Paul while Amy silently prayed he'd listen to her.  
  
"We can't. We can't leave him alive. The master said he had to die," Brown said.  
  
"But, that bird is correct; he could be valuable to us as a slave. Both of em. There's no reason why we can't have the master brainwash them, possibly work on their faces and make them unrecognizable so they'll become servants. Serve Mister Rock and Roll Star right if he went from being the most adored person on the planet to a lowly slave emptying chamber pots and waiting on us hand and foot. Perhaps we should spare their lives, at least for now. Once the plan is in place, no one will search for him and as for her…well, people go missing every year, don't they?"  
  
Johnson came up beside them.  
  
"But…he's supposed to lose his head and die in a car crash, how can that happen if we keep him alive?" he said to them as he pointed to Paul.  
  
Jones considered that for a moment and then smirked as he looked at Brown.  
  
"C'mere, need a meeting with ya," he said.  
  
Johnson started to follow them when they walked away but Jones glared at him and pointed at Paul.  
  
"Not you! Guard them!" he said.  
  
Johnson nodded and stood near Paul while Jones and Brown walked for about ten feet, stopped and leaned in while Jones began whispering.  
  
"I don't agree with this, you should die," Johnson said to Paul.  
  
Paul smirked at him.  
  
"Well, apparently that's not your decision to make, is it?" he said.  
  
Johnson balled up his fist and Amy flinched, thinking he was gonna beat the crap outta Paul for that remark but instead he hesitated and looked back at Brown and Jones.  
  
"See, you can't do anything unless your mates give you approval," Paul said to him. "You're as much a captive as we are."  
  
Amy winced when Johnson smacked his face hard.  
  
"I'm not as much of a captive as you are, Pretty Boy!" he snarled at him.  
  
Amy's mind filled with rage when he spat on his cheek and kicked his arm before he straightened back up. He looked behind him when Jones and Brown finally got done with their meeting and walked back towards him.  
  
"You gonna kill em now?" he said to them.  
  
They didn't say anything. Amy gasped when they rolled Paul onto his back and grabbed him under the shoulders and grabbed his legs. She watched while they carried him over to the hill and laid him on his back on the side of it. Then they walked over to Amy and did the same thing, laying her beside Paul. Then they walked back to Johnson.  
  
"Why did you do that? Are you gonna kill em?" Johnson asked.  
  
"No, we have a new sacrifice in mind," Brown said.  
  
Johnson managed to ask who before they grabbed him and forced him to his knees. Brown put his knee on Johnson's back and leaned all his weight on him when Johnson tried to get up. Johnson looked up in horror when Jones came up beside him and grabbed the handle of the sacrificial knife with both hands while he prepared to decapitate him.  
  
"No, you can't do this!" Johnson said as Paul and Amy looked on in silent horror.  
  
"We must have a sacrifice and I'm sorry but we're higher up on the totem pole than you, chappie," Brown said as Jones raised the knife over his head.  
  
"Amy, don't look, close your eyes," Paul said when he saw Jones tense his muscles while he prepared to bring the knife down on Johnson's neck.  
  
Amy shut her eyes and felt Paul's hand on her head. She heard Johnson scream in terror and then the scream abruptly ended. She opened her eyes and swallowed hard when she saw Johnson's head a foot away from his headless body. The body was now on its side and Jones was wiping the blood off of the blade on his t-shirt. They watched while Jones and Brown put first the body and then the head inside the car. Then Jones went to get the cans of petrol from the car while Brown walked over to Paul and Amy with a huge smirk on his face.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Paul asked as Brown sighed and lowered himself to his knees beside Paul.  
  
"If you're going to be alive for the time being I believe I will let our master explain the entire plan to you. See, if you and your friends had just agreed to cooperate with us, none of this would have happened. But you chose to be difficult and here we are."  
  
Paul stiffened when Brown began to stroke his hair.  
  
"I told you we always planned for this to happen. Well, happen to one of you anyway. We made our choice just recently and you came up the lucky lottery winner. Now, poor Mister Johnson will be taking your place but sometimes one must make sacrifices, yes?"  
  
He chuckled when both Paul and Amy glared at him.  
  
"However, we need to make sure that they think it is you so I'm afraid you'll have to make a contribution to this accident."  
  
Amy flinched as visions of them cutting off Paul's finger or hand floated through her mind. She watched while Brown came in close to Paul.  
  
"You do know we've been busy writing songs for you lot, right? Well, we wrote a special song for your bereaved friends to sing about their tragic loss."  
  
"I thought you said they'd never know I was gone," Paul said.  
  
Brown laughed.  
  
"Oh, they'll know all right but the public won't know you're gone."  
  
"What's that s'posed to mean?" Paul said.  
  
"It means they're gonna replace you, Paul, with a double that looks like you."  
  
Both Paul and Brown looked at her in shock. Brown narrowed his eyes.  
  
"How do you know that?" Brown said.  
  
"I guessed," Amy said, trying to sound convincing.  
  
Brown scrutinized her face and she tried to keep passive while he was doing it. Brown snorted and looked at Paul.  
  
"Don't know how she knows that, s'pose she's a really good guesser but yes, she's right. You're about to be replaced by a double who will do everything we say."  
  
"And you think my mates will go along with that?" Paul said.  
  
"They will if they don't want to end up headless in three separate car accidents. Not to mention your precious Jane, her family, your family and everyone who's associated with you. After they learn what happened to you…or rather what they think happened to you, they'll cooperate or they'll die."  
  
He chuckled at the look of horror on Paul's face.  
  
"Naïve fool. You had no idea that almost for as long as you've been the Beatles; you've been watched by people who had plans of their own for you. We have uses for your band and it won't be standing in front of screaming crowds while you sing Michelle, my belle and look cute. Your band has a greater part to play in the scheme of things."  
  
"And these songs you kept trying to dump on us is a part of it?" Paul asked.  
  
"Yeah. Part of it, there's more to it than that but that's one of the things your mates will be required to do with your double."  
  
He chuckled and stroked Paul's hair.  
  
"Now as I was saying, a song we wrote for the Beatles to sing in their grief. One line goes like this…"  
  
He leaned over and began to sing to Paul.  
  
"I'm sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair. You were in a car crash and you lost your…HAIR!"  
  
He grabbed the fringe on Paul's hair and for one terrifying moment, Amy thought he was gonna jerk his hair and cause him pain. But to her surprise, Paul's hair came off in his hand and she stared at his real, finer hair underneath. Brown dangled the hairpiece in front of Paul's eyes.  
  
"Tsk, tsk your hair flew off your head in the crash, how embarrassing. Vanity is a sin, Paulie boy. But then again, I can see why you had to cover up the fact that you were going bald at an early age. I s'pose it runs in your family, eh? Ah well, this is joining the corpse in the car."  
  
He looked at Jones who was standing by the car and threw him the hairpiece.  
  
"Add this to the pile," he said to Jones.  
  
"With pleasure," Jones said, catching it and putting it in the car beside Johnson's head.  
  
Brown feigned sadness as he looked back at Paul.  
  
"Don't worry, where you're going, no one will give a shit about that bald spot on the back of your head. In fact, no one will give a shit about you, full stop."  
  
"You're not gonna get away with this. Someone will figure it out and come to find us," Paul said.  
  
"Yeah? Well, if they don't wanna end up in a flaming car with no head, I would advise against it and I would advise against you and the bird trying to escape. I'm an expert at torture and I can make you both scream for hours on end, maybe even days before I finally let you die. Just remember that."  
  
He smirked while Jones started pouring petrol on top and inside the car, making sure to put a generous amount on Johnson's corpse.  
  
"By the way, you're probably wondering how we found you so fast. We put a little tracking device under your car when you weren't looking. Again, how naive of you to live somewhere that wasn't secure and letting everyone know where you were at. Not a good idea, my little fool on the hill."  
  
He giggled at that while Paul and Amy glared at him. He began to sing again.  
  
"Day after day, alone on the hill, the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still," he warbled as his captives glared at him.  
  
He stood up when Jones finished pouring the petrol over and inside the car. He reached into his trouser pocket, pulled out a box of matches and lit one. He held it up for a second while Paul and Amy watched the flickering flame.  
  
"Paul is a dead man, miss him, miss him, miss him," Brown said before he threw the match on top of the car.  
  
The petrol ignited the moment the match landed on it. Brown walked over, lit another and threw it on Johnson's body. It ignited and Brown lit three more matches, throwing them on top and in the car while Jones carried the petrol cans back to the car. The car became an inferno while Brown pocketed the matches and walked back over to his captives, whistling cheerfully.  
  
"Sorry about your Aston Martin," Brown said to Paul. "Lovely car but you won't be needing a car anymore where you're going. Now…as much as I'd like to stay and watch your car burn, we need to get going. I'm sure someone will see the flames now and it'll look awkward if you're s'posed to be inside your car and you and your friend are lying here on the hill watching it. So…friendly warning, no tricks, no resistance or you and her will have your arms and legs broken. Jonesy, get the rope out of the boot and make room for two passengers in there. Now that we've finished our work here, we're all going for a little drive."  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	11. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88213) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88213)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=11) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
"Amy?" the Doctor called out as he and Rory entered the TARDIS.  
  
They looked around but didn't see anyone. The Doctor called Amy's name again and then Rory di the same. When they didn't get a reply, the Doctor looked up.  
  
"TARDIS? Did Amy come back before we did?"  
  
Rory heard a grumbling sound and he looked at the Doctor.  
  
"What'd she say?"  
  
"She said no," the Doctor said.  
  
"So she's still with Paul?" Rory asked. "Maybe they stopped off at his house to talk to Jane."  
  
"I hope so. I hope nothing's happened to them. Come on, let's go check on them and make sure they're okay."  
  
Rory nodded. He followed the Doctor outside. The Doctor locked the door and he and Rory hurried towards Jane's house.  
  
The Doctor knew something was wrong when they approached the house. Jane was standing out in the front yard, visibly upset, while John Lennon stood with her. Jane spied them and pointed them out to John. John turned and walked towards them.  
  
"Have you seen Paulie?" he said. "Jane said she heard him yelling to Amy about getting in his car and then she heard him drive off like a bat outta hell and that's the last thing she's heard from him. Have you seen him?"  
  
"No," the Doctor said. "We were going to ask Jane about Amy. She hasn't been back either."  
  
"Something happened," Jane said, coming up beside John, "Paul screamed and he sounded like he was panicking but by the time I got some proper clothes on and came downstairs, the car was long gone. I'm scared, Doctor."  
  
The Doctor sighed.  
  
"I think it's time we explained a few things to you," he said. "But first, can you ring the other Beatles and have them meet us here? I want to talk to all of you."  
  
"I'll take my car and go get them if you'll keep an eye on Janie," John said.  
  
"We will," Rory said as the Doctor nodded in agreement.  
  
John nodded. He squeezed Jane's shoulder and ran to his car. They watched him leave and Jane smiled at the Doctor and Rory.  
  
"While we're waiting for him to come back, come inside and have a cup of tea to calm our nerves," she said to them.  
  
Paul and Amy lay together in the dark of the car trunk. They had their hands tied behind them and their ankles were tied together. The trunk wasn't that large so they had been placed on their sides facing one another, so close they were nose to nose. The car was rumbling down the highway and it seemed like every ten seconds they would hit a pothole since the car kept jostling them around.  
  
"If I make it out of this alive, I'm going back to Bermuda and I won't be coming back home for a long, long time," Paul muttered after what seemed like the 100th pothole.  
  
Amy laughed at that.  
  
"Mind if I join ya?" she asked.  
  
"I wouldn't mind one bit," he replied.  
  
Amy smiled. She couldn't see him in the pitch black of the trunk but she felt his breath on the lower half of his face and smelled his combination cigarette/Chinese food breath. That gave her a bit of comfort, knowing he was alive and with her. There was silence from both of them for several minutes. Then Paul spoke.  
  
"What you said before, about a double. Is that why you asked me about ESP? You used ESP to suss out that I was gonna be replaced?"  
  
"No. Not exactly. I…"  
  
She trailed off, debating whether to tell him the truth.  
  
"Amy, if these men are to be believed, we'll be together for a very long time and I would like you to be truthful with me," Paul said.  
  
"I'm trying to be but the truth is rather…bizarre."  
  
"And lying on a hill watching your own death isn't? I have a very open mind. The fact that I changed my mind about reincarnation after reading that eastern philosophy should tell you that much. Please tell me, how did you figure it out, especially since it's not every day that people get replaced by doubles."  
  
"Can I tell you once we're out of here? I don't think we should waste air and suffocate in here," Amy said.  
  
"At the moment, being dead sounds better than being a slave for life," Paul replied.  
  
He felt a pang of guilt when he heard Amy begin to sob.  
  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, please forgive me," he said.  
  
He came close to her face and nuzzled her face. Amy swallowed hard when he found where her tear stains were on her cheek and kissed them.  
  
"Shh, I'm sorry. I won't say anything like that again, I promise," he said softly.  
  
"It's just that I knew this would happen, Paul," Amy said.  
  
"How?" Paul replied.  
  
Amy swallowed hard.  
  
"Please don't think I'm a nutter. I'm not. I'm sane but…I'm from the future. Me and the Doctor and Rory are time travelers."  
  
Paul said nothing and she could hear him breathing in the darkness.  
  
"I swear it's the truth," she said when he remained silent.  
  
"What happens to me in future?" Paul finally said.  
  
"Well, that's just it. In the future, you died and was replaced by a double but everyone knew about it because John snuck clues about your death in the songs and on your record albums."  
  
Paul chuckled.  
  
"Sounds like something he'd do," he said. "So it's inevitable then? I'm going to die?"  
  
"No, the thing is, the Doctor said that it can be changed. Some things in history have to stay fixed but some can be changed and your death is one of those things that can be changed. I came back with them in order to save you so you could continue to be with the Beatles."  
  
"And that's why you went in by yourself at Ming's?" Paul said. "To lure one of us over so you could get to know us?"  
  
"Yes. I was hoping you'd come over so I could talk to you and become friends. That way I could be around when this happened and try to save you."  
  
"But you're in the boot with me. Is this part of the plan?"  
  
"No. this is a cockup," Amy said bitterly. "But I tried my best to warn you without letting you know what I was doing."  
  
"But you knew the date of my supposed death? How?"  
  
"The new album, after you died and got replaced. It's not called Smile, it's called Sargeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and on the front of the album is this painted bass drum. It's one of the clues because if you put a mirror against it and look down, the writing has a one, another one, another one and an X and then he die with an arrow pointing up to your double. People interpreted the numbers and the X as being a date 11 and then I and X is 9 so September 11th, he die with the arrow pointing at your replacement, signifying you died. That's how we knew when to come. We came on the 9th to try to figure out why because the story surrounding your death has a lot of different variations and there's several different stories about how you died and why and we needed to find out all that so we could help you. I know it sounds insane but It's all true. I have a postcard in my pocket with the album cover on it. I brought it along so I could show it to you so you'd know I wasn't lying. I'll show it to you if there's a chance when we're alone."  
  
Paul was silent and Amy listened to his breathing.  
  
"You changed history," he finally said. "You got them to spare my life, at least for the moment."  
  
"Yes," Amy said. "And I changed history by being here with you."  
  
"You risked your life and your freedom to help me," Paul said softly.  
  
"I had to. I'm a huge fan and when I realized the truth, that you had been replaced and there was a chance to change everything, I had to come and try to save you."  
  
There was more silence from Paul. Then she felt him moving his head around. They touched foreheads and then she felt his lips on her forehead. He gave her a soft kiss and then the lips trailed down her nose and finally found her mouth. Amy felt electricity go down her spine as he kissed her firmly and she returned the kiss. They kissed for several seconds and then he put his forehead against hers.  
  
"Whatever happens," he said softly. "I'll protect you. If we end up enslaved, I'll look after you and keep you safe."  
  
Tears came to Amy's eyes and she sniffed. Paul kissed her forehead again and shushed her.  
  
"You're my guardian," he said softly. "So in gratitude, I'll become yours as well. If I have to be enslaved for the rest of my life, at least I'll have a friendly face to look at."  
  
Amy sobbed at that and Paul kissed her forehead again. Then to her surprise, he began to sing When I'm 64 to her. Tears fell from her eyes as she sensed that he was directing the lyrics at her and singing about how they would grow old together in captivity. The thought of that made her weep and Paul stopped singing and kissed her nose and cheeks until she calmed down.  
  
"I'm here, Amy Pond," he said softly, "and it'll take the combine might of all these bastards to keep me from you. Together we'll get through this. In the midst of it all, we'll guard each other's backs and keep each other safe and sane, that's a dead cert."  
  
Amy smiled at that and laid her forehead against his. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer as Paul resumed singing When I'm 64 to her.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	12. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88233) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88233)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=12) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Rory shifted uneasily in his seat as he, the Doctor, Jane and the three remaining Beatles sat in Jane and Paul's bedroom. They had decided to tell them the truth about who they were but they didn't want to alarm Jane's parents who were still in the house so they chose the bedroom where the Doctor could reveal himself in private. There had been a couple of times since Rory joined the Doctor when he finally came clean about being a Time Lord to people they had befriended and it was always an awkward moment, especially if the people were humans who hadn't had much experience with aliens. He could tell from the expressions on their friend's faces that they were wondering if they were both barking mad and he felt the urge to run away before he ended up committed to an insane asylum. The Doctor concluded the first part of his explanation and finished up with an invitation to see the TARDIS. Rory didn't think the Beatles or Jane would follow him to the front door now, let alone the TARDIS. But to their credit, all of them were still sitting on the bed instead of bolting out the door in a panic.  
  
Everyone turned their eyes towards him. He had been silent the entire time and he sensed that everyone now wanted him to verify what the Doctor had been telling them. He swallowed hard as their eyes bored into him.  
  
"It's true, it's all true," he said.  
  
"And are you an alien as well?" George asked.  
  
"No, Amy and I are human," Rory said.  
  
"But you're from the future?" John said.  
  
"Yeah, we started traveling with him in 2010," Rory replied.  
  
"And you came back in time to save Paul?" Jane said.  
  
"Yes," Rory said. "It was Amy's idea actually. She found out that Paul had died on this day and she wanted to save his life."  
  
"And instead of saving his life, she's probably lying dead somewhere right alongside him," John said angrily.  
  
"We don't know that for sure," the Doctor said, holding up his hands. "Until we have concrete proof, we need to treat this like a kidnapping. If that. I mean, all we know for sure at this moment is Paul and Amy drove off in Paul's Aston Martin, presumably pursued by Mister Jones and Mister Brown but there's a chance they could have gotten away from them."  
  
"So now what? You get in your time machine, go back in time a few hours and help them?" Ringo said.  
  
"I can't. Once I land somewhere I become a part of established events and I can't go back along my own time line. We have to find out where they went and help them that way."  
  
"Well, what do these Paul is dead clues say then?" John said. "Does it give a location of Paul's car crash?"  
  
"Not an exact location," the Doctor said. "It's very vague and there are several variations. It's supposedly somewhere in the country, possibly in a culvert by a hill and the crash occurs at 5 a.m. in the morning."  
  
John checked his watch.  
  
"It's nearly 4 a.m. now so apparently Paulie has one hour to live," John said.  
  
"Are there any other clues about the crash?" Jane asked.  
  
"One story says that Paul had an argument with the rest of the Beatles and stormed out of the recording studio angry," the Doctor said.  
  
"Okay, well we already know that's bullshit then," John said.  
  
"It was supposed to be a rainy night," the Doctor continued.  
  
The Beatles turned as one, looked out the bedroom window at the clear night sky and looked at the Doctor.  
  
"Again, bullshit," John said. "So far, this story's scoring a big old goose egg on the truth-o-meter."  
  
"Go on," Jane said, "what happens next?"  
  
Paul was driving through the countryside when he spotted a female hitchhiker walking in the rain who was called Rita. He stopped and picked her up and told her he'd take her back to her house. On the way there, Rita suddenly realized who he was and went nuts. She...fell on him, trying to kiss him and while he was trying to get her off of him he lost control of the car and it crashed. Paul was decapitated and his hair somehow flew off his head and both he and Rita died."  
  
He noticed John was snickering. Jane gave him an angry look.  
  
"What's so funny?" she asked.  
  
"Losing his hair, Janie, we all know what that means, yeah?" John said with a smirk.  
  
"No, what does it mean?" Rory said in confusion.  
  
Jane sighed angrily when John resumed snickering.  
  
"Paul wears a hairpiece," she said.  
  
Rory did a double take.  
  
"He does?" he said while the Doctor raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah," Jane said. "Male pattern baldness runs in his family. His dad went bald at an early age and his brother, Mike, is starting to show signs of it. Paul's hair started to thin out in his late teens. The front of his hair is still full but in back, it's thin and he has a small bald spot on the back of his head."  
  
"When it started to happen," George said. "he didn't want to be the only Beatle with bald spots so he had several hairpieces made that would hide it. That's what I think losing his hair means. If he crashed, the impact would have caused his hairpiece to fall off."  
  
"I heard that bit as well growing up," Rory said, "and I always wondered what it meant. I thought it meant he got the top half of his head sheared off in the crash."  
  
"No, mate," John said with a smile, "I believe it means that our dear Paulie lost his rug and his dignity in this so-called crash of yours. Now apart from the crash and his hairpiece coming off, the rest of the tale sounds like pure codswallop. I could see him being kind and picking up a hitchhiker in the rain but not if he's busy being chased by two nutters. I think whoever thought up this whole thing got their facts mixed up."  
  
"That doesn't mean the crash didn't happen," George said.  
  
"I know that, but I'm saying that we have proof that Paul didn't get mad at us in the studio and leave in his car and we all can see it's not raining so not everything about this story of his is true."  
  
"Then what is?" Jane said. "How do we know how to separate fact from fiction so we know where to look?"  
  
"There is one other variation of the story," the Doctor said.  
  
"And that variation is?" John said.  
  
"The car bursts into flames on impact," the Doctor said.  
  
"Which means we look for a big bonfire in the countryside," Ringo said, rolling his eyes.  
  
Ringo flinched when he noticed Jane's distress at that and he patted her hand.  
  
"I wouldn't worry, love. Some of the story is complete bullshit, maybe that is as well," he said to her.  
  
Just then there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Jane? Fellas, are you in there?" Jane's mother said as she pounded on the door.  
  
Jane got up and opened the door.  
  
"What's wrong, Mum?" Jane said when she saw the distress on her face, "is it about Paul?"  
  
Her mother nodded.  
  
"The police are downstairs. Someone reported a car on fire about twenty miles east of the city. They put out the fire and checked the number plate and the car belongs to Paul."  
  
Everyone got up and rushed to Jane when she staggered back, her face ashen.  
  
"Was…was anyone inside?" Jane forced herself to say.  
  
Her mother swallowed hard and nodded.  
  
"They found a body. Burned beyond recognition and it was decapitated."  
  
Jane let out a cry of anguish and John grabbed her and held her close, comforting her while she sobbed uncontrollably.  
  
"Wait," the Doctor said to Jane's mother, "they only found one body?"  
  
"Yeah," Jane's mother said with a nod.  
  
"Okay, Amy left with Paul. So if this charred body is Paul, where's Amy?" the Doctor said. "Was there any other bodies nearby?"  
  
"I don't think so, love. The police said they found only one body in the car.  
  
"Where's Amy then?" Rory said.  
  
"Exactly. Paul could have stopped the car and let her out but I doubt it if they were in that big a hurry to get away," the Doctor said.  
  
"So you're saying it might not be Paul inside the car?" John said.  
  
"I don't know but I want to go and see the car for myself. Did they say where the car was at?"  
  
"No, but they're downstairs, you can ask them."  
  
They watched as the Doctor went past Jane's mother and hurried downstairs. The mother looked at the others.  
  
"What's going on? Does he think that Paul faked his death?" she asked the others.  
  
"I don't know, Mrs. Asher," John said. "I'm beginning to think that there are a lot of fishy things going on tonight."  
  
All of them went downstairs. The Doctor was in the living room speaking to the officers.  
  
"Please, it's important," the Doctor was saying. "This is Paul McCartney we're talking about here. Shouldn't we identify the body first before word gets to the press?"  
  
"And who are you then?" the officer said.  
  
"He's a friend of the family," Jane said, coming up beside him, "and a close friend of Paul's and I agree with the Doctor. I want to see the crash site and I want to see the body before the tabloids get there and display photos of his charred, mangled body across their front pages. I'm his girlfriend and these are his band mates and friends and we have a right to see him first before anyone else."  
  
The officer thought for a moment and then nodded.  
  
"Very well, Miss Asher. We'll take you in our squad cars to the crash site. Come with us."  
  
The Doctor gave her a grateful look as John came up behind her and patted her on the shoulder.  
  
"Good going, Janie, now let's go see for ourselves if this poor bastard is really Paul."  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	13. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88235) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88235)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=13) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
After about an hour, the car finally stopped.  
  
“Well, we’re here, I s’pose,” Paul said to Amy.  
  
“Great, now the torture can begin,” Amy muttered.  
  
“Over my dead body,” Paul retorted. “They so much as breathe on you wrong…”  
  
He shut up when he heard someone inserting a key in the trunk’s lock. Both of them closed their eyes just before the lid opened and light flooded inside. Paul groaned when Mister Brown gathered him up and lifted him out. Then Mister Jones turned Amy on her back and lifted her out. They noticed they were inside a dirty, dusty garage. There was a wooden door on the right side of the concrete room and the two men headed for that, carrying their captives in their arms. Mister Jones stood Amy on her feet and kept her steady while he reached inside his trouser pocket. He took out a small knife and cut the ropes around her ankles.  
  
“I think you’re able to walk on your own, unlike him,” Jones said, gesturing to Paul. “So I’ll let you walk but don’t even think of running off or we snap his neck, got it?”  
  
“Got it,” Amy said.   
  
Jones opened the garage door and ushered them inside. They walked through what looked like an abandoned warehouse to another door near the back of the structure. They opened it and walked down a corridor of what looked like an office. The building they were in looked more modern and cleaner than the warehouse but as they walked along, Amy noticed that all visible windows had been bricked up, boarded up or painted black so they couldn’t see outside. Jones led them to a room and when they went inside they saw hospital equipment. In the corner at a wooden desk sat a woman that was in her early thirties. She was petite with light blonde hair that was tied up in a tight bun. She had a heart shaped face, sky blue eyes and a scar running down the right side of her face. She was dressed in a nurse’s uniform and when they entered, she looked at all of them. Her eyes fell on Paul who was lying in Brown’s arms, his face contorted in silent agony.  
  
“Who are they?” she asked, getting up from the desk.  
  
“Guests. They were injured in a car crash. This one here is worse off than the girl. Think he might have broken ribs.”  
  
“Put him on the examination table,” the woman said, pointing to a metal table on the other side of the room. “I’ll take x-rays to be certain. And this one?”  
  
“Slight injuries but we want you to keep an eye on her. Don’t let either of them get away or else…” Jones growled menacingly.  
  
“I know the penalty for helping captives escape, thank you very much,” the woman said. “I’ve been here long enough to know how everything’s done here.”  
  
“Good. Keep that in mind while you’re doin’ your job,” Jones said. “We just got done beheading an associate and burning his body, shame if we had to do the same thing to you.”  
  
“Just put him on the table,” the woman said.  
  
Brown glared at her while he walked over and put Paul on the examination table.  
  
“Cut him free. I can’t take a proper x-ray with his hands and feet bound together,” the woman said.  
  
“Don’t even think of escaping,” Brown said to Paul in a low voice as he withdrew a knife from his pocket.  
  
He sawed through the ropes with it and Paul let out a sigh of relief when he was able to lie completely on his back. Jones freed Amy’s hands and she walked over to Paul’s side while the men turned and walked out the door. She took Paul’s hand and he squeezed it while they both watched the woman gather some things together on a metal trolley.  
  
“You don’t have to worry about me,” she said over her shoulder. “I’m not like those two. I’m a prisoner, same as you. They just allow me to continue being a nurse because they have need of my services. My name is Angela.”  
  
“I’m Amy.”  
  
“And I’m Paul.”  
  
“Amy and Paul, nice to meet you,” Angela said. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. I want to mend you both.”  
  
“Why? So we can be slaves?” Paul said.  
  
“I don’t know about that, I do know that you’re injured and you both need medical attention. If I were you, I’d trust me because in here you’re gonna need all the friends you can get. Now just relax and try not to move.”  
  
“Believe me, moving is the last thing I wanna do,” Paul said.  
  
Angela walked over to the corner and rolled over a portable x-ray machine. Amy watched as she adjusted it so the scanner was directly over Paul. She pushed a red button on the side and a square of light with a cross in the middle of it shone down on Paul’s chest. Angela walked over and turned off the light before coming back to the table.   
  
“You think you broke some ribs?” Angela asked Paul.  
  
“Yeah, cracked or broke them,” Paul said.  
  
“Which side?”  
  
“Left, I think,” Paul replied.  
  
“Love, help me turn him on his right side so I can get an x-ray,” Angela said to Amy.  
  
Amy squeezed Paul’s hand. Paul gritted his teeth and winced when Angela and Amy helped him roll onto his right side. Once they were done, Angela made Amy step back and she positioned the square of light over Paul’s ribs. She widened the square until it covered his entire rib cage and then she pressed a few more buttons. Amy frowned when they didn’t move away from the machine.  
  
“Shouldn’t we get behind a shield of some sort?” Amy asked.  
  
“No need to with this machine. It’s perfectly safe. Apparently it’s more advanced than regular x-ray scanners.”  
  
Amy raised her eyebrow at that but said nothing. They both stepped back and there was a whirring sound for a few seconds.   
  
“All done, love,” Angela said to Paul. “Just lie still and I’ll check the results."  
  
Amy came back to his side and laid her hand on his arm.  
  
“Better than some x-rays I’ve had,” Paul said, looking over his shoulder at her.  
  
“Yeah, I’m wondering how advanced this scanner is,” Amy replied while Angela grabbed a sheet of cellophane that came out the end of the scanner.  
  
She watched while she walked over to a light board, put the cellophane on it and turned on the light. Amy studied the x-ray of Paul’s ribs while Paul raised his head and stared at it.   
  
“You’re right, love,” Angela said, looking back at him. “You injured your ribs but they’re only cracked, not broken.”  
  
“Thank God for that,” Paul said, lowering his head. “I s’pose you’re gonna bind up my side so the ribs can heal?”  
  
“No need. I have something that will heal them immediately,” Angela said, walking to a cabinet.  
  
“You…do?” Paul said as Amy raised her eyebrow.   
  
“Yes. The people who are holding us prisoner have very advanced methods of healing people,” Angela said, pulling out a small white plastic jar.   
  
“How advanced?” Amy said.  
  
“They can heal most things immediately,” Angela said, walking over to them. “Can you raise his t-shirt, love?” she said to Amy.  
  
Amy slowly raised Paul’s black shirt, exposing his rib cage.  
  
“Who are these people then?” Amy asked while Angela took the lid off the jar. “How do they have medicines that most hospitals don’t have?”  
  
“Yeah,” Paul said as Angela dipped her fingers in and dipped out some green goo on them before rubbing it on Paul’s ribs, “and if they have the technology, why don’t they share it with other hospitals?”  
  
Angela snorted.  
  
“These people don’t share anything,” she said as she rubbed the goo into Paul’s skin. “And you’d be wise not to ask too many questions. Besides, I have a feeling you’ll both see your masters soon enough. Until then, rest and get your strength back.”  
  
Amy gasped when Paul suddenly let a cry of agony.  
  
“Paul! Oh God, what are you doin’ to him?” Amy said to Angela as Paul’s face contorted in pain.  
  
“That’s the medicine; it’s fusing his bones back together. I’m sorry, dear, there is a little bit of pain involved.”  
  
“A bit?” Amy said while Paul groaned.  
  
But thirty seconds later, his face slackened and he breathed a sigh of relief. Amy flinched when Angela pressed down on his ribcage but Paul showed no signs of pain.  
  
“See, all better,” Angela said, putting the lid back on the jar.  
  
Paul and Amy shared a look.  
  
“What is that stuff?” Paul muttered to Amy as Angela walked back to the cabinet. “I’ve never seen medicine work this fast in me whole life!”  
  
“I don’t know but I have a feeling it wasn’t made in England or on Earth for that matter,” Amy said.  
  
Paul gave her a quizzical look but Amy put her finger to her lips as Angela turned around with another plastic jar in her hand.   
  
“I notice you have a bit of hair loss, love,” Angela said to Paul. “I can fix that as well.”  
  
Paul’s eyes bulged.  
  
“You have something that’ll cure baldness?” he said in disbelief.  
  
“Yes. A quick growing hair salve, have that hair growin’ again in a day or so,” she said, unscrewing the lid.  
  
Paul and Amy shared another look as she reached in with her fingers and got some red salve out. She walked around to the back of Paul’s head and Amy stepped aside, watching while she worked the salve into the bald spot. She covered it completely and then put some on some of the thin patches on the back of his head.  
  
“There you are, you should see some difference by the morning,” Angela said, walking back towards the trolley.  
  
Amy and Paul looked at each other while Angela picked up the lid and screwed it back on.  
  
“What else does she have in that cupboard? The fountain of youth cream?” Paul muttered to Amy while Angela put the jar back.  
  
She turned around and smiled at them.   
  
“Okay, now that that’s sorted, let me check you both and make sure there’s nothing else that needs mending,” she said, walking back towards them.  
  
The Doctor, Rory, the Beatles and Jane got out of the squad cars and the officers led them to the car. As they neared it, the Doctor sniffed the air.  
  
“Petrol, lots of it,” the Doctor said to the others. “The crash didn’t cause the fire, someone used an accelerant.”  
  
They neared the car and the Doctor smelled burnt flesh along with everyone else. As they walked towards the car, he noticed a large patch of grass that was stained with blood.   
  
“Look,” he said to everyone as he pointed it out. “Someone was injured outside the car.”  
  
John squeezed Jane’s hand when she blanched at that. The officer stepped aside when they reached the open door on the driver’s side.  
  
“Was the door open when you found the car?” the Doctor asked the officer.  
  
“Yes, both doors were open,” the officer said.  
  
The Doctor knelt down with everyone else. Everyone except him covered the lower half of their faces with their hands. The Doctor used his respiratory bypass system to keep from inhaling the strong odor of burnt flesh and petrol while he examined the charred corpse and head. John knelt down beside him and stared at the body.  
  
“I don’t think this is Paul,” John said to the Doctor. “Even without the head, he’s too tall and his body’s too wide.”  
  
“Then someone else was killed in his place and I’m willing to bet the actual murder took place over there where the huge blood spot is.”  
  
“You mean they severed his head over there?” George said, pointing back to the blood spot.  
  
“That’s my guess. Killed him, put him in here and used petrol to make sure the fire burned him beyond recognition.”  
  
“Who is he then?” Jane said to him.   
  
“Dunno, but I have a feeling he’s connected to Mister Brown and Mister Jones.”  
  
“You mean they killed one of their own mates so we’d think it was Paul?” John said.  
  
“Unless you think Paul’s capable of cutting someone’s head off and burning their body,” the Doctor said to him.  
  
“You haven’t know Paul for very long but I think you can guess the answer to that one,” John said.  
  
“Yes and Amy wouldn’t do something like this either. So it was either a Good Samaritan who was a complete homicidal nutter or it was Mister Brown or Jones or someone that was working with them. And if it was someone that was working for them and they were crazy enough to kill this person to make it look like Paul died, we need to find Paul and Amy as fast as we can before they end up beheaded.”  
  
They stood up and John looked at the police officer.  
  
“This isn’t Paul,” he said to the officer.  
  
“Who is it then?” the officer replied.  
  
“I don’t know but he’s too tall and too bulky to be Paul. Use dental records to identify him or something, but I know for a fact that it’s not him.”  
  
“And I think you’ll find that whoever it was died over there,” the Doctor said, pointing to the blood stain. “And they used petrol to make sure the car burnt the body so we couldn’t identify it.”  
  
“And what about Mister McCartney?” the officer said.  
  
“I don’t know but you lot need to start looking,” John said. “Him and our friend, Amy Pond. Both of them are missing.”  
  
The officer nodded.  
  
“We’ll start searching straight away. We’ll get some of the officers to take you back in the meantime and we’ll ring you if we find out anything else.”  
  
“Please find them,” Jane said to the officer.   
  
“Don’t worry, Miss. We’ll do all we can to find them and bring them back safely.”  
  
The officer walked over to a few other policemen and told them to take the Doctor and the others back to town.   
  
“What now?” Rory asked the Doctor.  
  
“Now, we go back and wait while we think of a way to find Paul and Amy before it’s too late,” the Doctor replied.   


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	14. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88239) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88239)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=14) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Fourteen  
  
After Angela checked Paul and Amy and mended them, Mister Brown and Mister Jones escorted them to a storage cupboard that had been used as a cell. The room was empty except for several old and worn duvets on the floor with a couple of old pillows, a metal chamber pot in the corner and a pitcher and basin beside it. There were a tin plate and bowl with a couple of metal spoons on the bowl. One light hung down from a light fixture overhead and there was a small vent near the top of the ceiling. Paul and Amy were shoved inside the room and Jones quickly shut the door and locked it.  
  
"Heh, reminds me of my days in Hamburg," Paul quipped as he looked around. "No, actually the rat holes we stayed in were better than this. But at least we're alone for the moment."  
  
He put his hands in his trouser pockets.  
  
"And since we are alone and there's a good supply of air. Explain to me who you are and how you knew this was going to happen," Paul said.  
  
Amy led him over to the duvets. They sat down beside each other and for the next half hour, Amy explained about the Doctor, time travel and how she met him. Paul listened in silence until the end.  
  
"Wow," he said, shaking his head. "Couple of hours ago, I wouldn't have believed it but after seeing what those medicines could do…that comment about the medicines not being from Earth. You've seen medicine like that before then in your travels?"  
  
"No, but I've been with the Doctor long enough to suspect that something that unnatural might not be from Earth," she said.  
  
"Must be interesting travelin' through time. If we escape this place, I might join you. Fighting monsters and aliens sounds a lot less stressful than recording an album."  
  
"I'm glad you believe me."  
  
He chuckled.  
  
"Amy, I think I know you well enough to know that you've got a pretty level head on your shoulders and you've been truthful with me so far so I think I'll take a big leap of faith and believe you when you say that you've traveled through time. So if you're from 2010, what's the future like? They have flying cars and rocketpacks?"  
  
"Um…no, the cars still drive on roads and no rocketpacks."  
  
"Blast. The Sci-Fi novels lied then," he said while Amy giggled. "Oh! You said you had something from the future to show me. Postcard, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yeah," Amy said, standing up and reaching into her pocket. "This is the cover of the Beatle's next record album and you can see the double, he's dressed in the blue military costume."  
  
She handed Paul the postcard and sat back down while Paul studied it. He looked at his double and blinked in shock.  
  
"Amy, this bloke doesn't even look like me. The photo is tiny but I can tell he's got a thinner face than I do."  
  
He held the postcard away so Amy could see it and pointed to the waxworks.  
  
"I know what these are. They're the wax figures Madame Tussauds made of us," he said to her. "Look, you can tell just from looking at me and looking at him that we have different face shapes. I have a rounder face than he does. How did he manage to fool people?"  
  
"Um…I've heard people comment before that you looked older there," she said, pointing to the double.  
  
"Yeah, he does but then again he has a mustache and facial hair usually makes one look older," Paul said.  
  
"Well, I think people think that you naturally aged and got older in addition to growing the mustache."  
  
Paul's mouth dropped open.  
  
"Amy, when was this released? This album," he said to her.  
  
"Um, in the summer of '67, I think."  
  
"And it's September now? I know people age and change somewhat, but not in 8 or 9 ruddy months. You see this, love?" he said, pointing to the bottom of his face. "This isn't baby fat, this is the actual shape of my head and that doesn't change. Even if I lose weight I'm still gonna have a round face. This man has a thinner face than I do. For Christ sake, here's my wax dummy over here and you can compare. And look, look, love, notice how our waxworks are all basically the same height? When the people came to take measurements they were thorough, they took measurements of everything and photographs of us from every angle because Madame Tussauds prides itself on accuracy. They measured our heights because they wanted that to be accurate and it is accurate. I'm nearly the same height as the others but over here…suddenly, I'm three or four inches taller than Ringo is? I'm 24 years old. You don't have a sudden growth spurt when you're 24. How do people explain that?"  
  
"Maybe they think they stood you on a box."  
  
"Okay, why would I be on a box then, Miss Know-it-all?" Paul said as Amy giggled.  
  
"Because they wanted to make you the tallest since you're the cutest?"  
  
She giggled when Paul raised his eyebrow at that. He grinned and gave her a kiss on her cheek.  
  
"That's your reward for saying that," he said while Amy laughed. "But in all seriousness…this is completely daft. You're telling me that they can take a half-arsed double and absolutely convince the world that it's really me? And this photo…blimey, they crammed a bunch of shit into it, I've never seen a album cover with so much crap in it at one time," he said while Amy laughed harder. "And what is the purpose of the people behind the double and my mates? And who are all of them? I know some of them but not all of them. Why are they there?"  
  
"Um…that I don't know for sure," Amy said.  
  
Paul scratched his cheek while he stared at the people behind the Beatles. He shook his head.  
  
"Love, I don't even know these two," he said, pointing to the first two people in the top row. "The first guy looks like he's from India so maybe George would know who it is but this bloke…who the hell is he?"  
  
"I know who he is, that's Alistair Crowley," she said, pointing to the second man in the row.  
  
"And who is that?" Paul said with a frown.  
  
"Um…he was into black magic and I think he was a Satanist."  
  
"What? What the hell is he doing on a Beatles album cover? I've never even heard of him and frankly, I don't think my mates would know him either. Black magic and Satanism? Oh love, this is gettin' scarier by the minute. I'm beginning to wonder what these people have in mind for the band. And it must be them that put this Crowley chap in the photo because the others would never dabble in black magic or satanic things and neither would I. And what about all this stuff in the front? This weird collection of crap, what does it symbolize?"  
  
"Well, some of it is clues about your death."  
  
"Really?" Paul said with fascination, "Such as?"  
  
"Um…let's see. I don't think I know all the clues but I can point out some," Amy said, leaning her head on Paul's shoulder while she looked at the photo. "Um…well, all of this down here is supposed to be a grave where the flowers are. Because it's a funeral…your funeral."  
  
"If it's my funeral, why do the flowers say Beatles and not Paul?"  
  
"They do. This flower arrangement here. It's hard to see here but the guitar's made up of a P, A, U, L and a question mark for the back of it."  
  
"And it's in the shape of a left handed bass, so I get that. But a question mark…as in they aren't sure if I'm dead or alive?" Paul said.  
  
"Um…maybe, I'm not quite sure. There's also three sticks going across the bass and those represent the three Beatles that are left alive."  
  
"Okay…" Paul said, nodding.  
  
"Um…the Beatles are holding brass instruments but your double is holding a wooden instrument which makes him different to the others. And it's wooden like a coffin and it's black which is the color of death."  
  
"Uh-huh…" Paul said, rolling his eyes while Amy giggled. "And of course I could have spotted that straight away since I'm always equating wind instruments with coffins and death."  
  
"And…the TV. It's off to symbolize the coverup of the press coverage of your death."  
  
"Sure? You sure someone didn't get angry when they couldn't watch Coronation Street and they kicked the telly and broke it?" Paul said while Amy giggled.  
  
"Um…this Chinese looking guy with the line going down his head. That's s'posed to symbolize the head injury you had before you died."  
  
"What sort of head injury?" Paul said with a frown.  
  
"Um…your head got cut off?" Amy said.  
  
She giggled when Paul gave her a dubious look.  
  
"Love, there's a difference between hurting your head and losing your head, a biiig difference," he said as she laughed harder.  
  
"Um…let's see, the little red headed doll s'posed to be Jane, I think."  
  
"And what does she have to do with all this?" Paul asked.  
  
"Um…she's your girlfriend?" Amy said.  
  
She giggled when Paul rolled his eyes.  
  
"And having a girlfriend symbolizes death," Paul said, shaking his head. "Everyone knows that."  
  
"The doll over here, you can't see it very well but there's a little toy car on her leg and it looks like your Aston Martin and the interior is red to symbolize blood."  
  
"Yes, because the moment me head came off, I spurted blood all over the leather seats like a fire hose," he said while Amy laughed. "Why does the doll's jumper say welcome the Rolling Stones then?"  
  
"I think they were supposed to be involved with covering up your death."  
  
Paul grinned at her.  
  
"Sweetie, I am friends with them but at the same time, the Rolling Stones are basically our rivals. They're almost as popular as we are but they want to be the biggest group in the world. I'm sure they'd wouldn't give a rats arse if I died. In fact, I'm sure Mick Jagger would be dancing for joy and wigglin' his narrow, bony arse all over my grave if he knew I visited Saint Peter."  
  
He winked when Amy laughed at that.  
  
"But anyway, anything else you know about this cluttered photo and how it pertains to me and my death?"  
  
"Well, see how the double has a hand over his head? Supposedly that's an Eastern sign of death if a hand's over someone's head."  
  
"Really? If I get out of here, I'll have to ask George about that. He would know for sure," Paul said. "Because I've never heard of a hand over the head meaning death. But then again, I didn't know wind instruments and broken telly's mean death too. I'm learning so many new things today. Anything else that has to do with my death?"  
  
"Um…I think so but I can't remember the rest. You'd have to ask the Doctor, I'm sure he knows each and every one. Oh! Wait!"  
  
"What?" Paul said in a hushed whisper. "Does Diana Dors symbolize my death? Or Edgar Allan Poe up there. He wrote about death and dying. Did he predict my death in some obscure short story called Paul dies in the 1960's and I know all about it?"  
  
Amy laughed as Paul winked at her.  
  
"Seriously though, what other death clue is there?"  
  
"Um," Amy said, sobering up. "See this brass instrument in front of wax Ringo?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Um…that's supposed to be the instrument you would have been holding if you'd lived."  
  
"Really? Because I'd rather hold the coffin instrument and be different," Paul said while she giggled. "Be an individual, that's my motto! That's why I chose to be different and die a horrible, fiery death. I figure I can sing my songs from beyond the grave and upstage Johnny! He can't criticize my soppy songs if I'm an angel in Heaven! Take that, Lennon! I'm immortal now and you can't stop me from writing my silly love songs!"  
  
He smiled when Amy laughed at that.  
  
"I'm sorry, love. I know I should be taking this more seriously but this is just blowing my mind. I mean, I can't believe that people think that ugly mother fucker is me!"  
  
"He's not ugly," Amy said.  
  
"The hell he isn't! He looks like a monkey took an enormous shit and sculpted his face from it," he said while Amy laughed hysterically. "I do not have a monkey shit face. I have a cute, sweet face that make women swoon and I don't look Jewish. He looks Jewish to me, what do you think?"  
  
"Um…a little, maybe?" Amy said, shrugging.  
  
"So let me get this straight then. One day I died in a horrible, fiery, extremely confusing way and they found Jewish Monkey Shit Face Man to come along and be me. They put an ugly arsed mustache on his creepy, pockmarked face, put him on stilts so he could be taller and feel more superior to the others and then they said go and mingle with the band. And the band said to Jewish Monkey Shit Face Man when they saw him, "Hi! Welcome to the group. Feel free to take Paulie's place, we hated that sad bastard anyway!" and Jewish Monkey Shit Face Man did just that and all was well in Beatleland. I'm sorry, love, I know I should feel sorry for the bastard if he got mixed up with this lot but…I can't help but be insulted that they think his ugly face would pass for mine. I am certified cute, ask my screaming female fans! Then again, apparently the female fans are too busy screaming to notice I'm not me anymore. I guess all that open mouthed, closed eyes screaming prevents you from paying attention to details."  
  
He sighed and leaned his head against Amy's.  
  
"I wonder if I'll get to meet this bloke then while we're here?" he said to Amy.  
  
His eyes widened and he put his arm around Amy while he said in a hushed voice.  
  
"Does that mean I get to be my own best friend then?"  
  
He grinned and waggled his eyebrows when Amy laughed at that.  
  
"And I know when I meet this chappie, I'll just be beside myself with joy!" he added as she laughed harder. "Or I'll just be beside myself, full stop. I can't wait, love! I've always wanted to have a split personality and now I've got one!"  
  
Amy giggled and Paul held her close to him.  
  
"At least I was able to put a smile on your face," he said. "I do realize that I'm in a dangerous situation. But at the same time, it's all so surreal and bizarre that I can't help but make fun of it. I never realized that being in show business put you at risk for being killed and replaced with ugly doubles that don't even look like you. I mean, I can see a vague resemblance but still…perhaps they had him grow the mustache to distract people? I've never had a mustache or any sort of facial hair in my life and now not only do I have one but the others do as well. Did they order my mates to grow their own so he wouldn't stick out?"  
  
"Maybe you can ask whoever's in charge when we see em," Amy said.  
  
"I will. I want some answers. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die knowing the full story. And if that makes them mad, fuck em! I have nothing left to lose anyway."  
  
He gave the postcard back to Amy.  
  
"In the meantime, I guess I'll have a rest and try to sleep a little so I'll have the strength to face whatever's coming."  
  
"Sounds like a good idea to me," Amy said.  
  
Paul smiled. He kissed Amy's temple and put his arm around her while she snuggled close to him. Both of them closed their eyes and within a few minutes drifted off to sleep.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	15. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88266) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88266)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=15) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Fifteen  
  
When Amy went to sleep, she laid the postcard on her leg since she didn't feel like standing up when she felt comfortable. When she woke up, Paul was awake and quietly examining the postcard. He smiled warmly at her.  
  
"Feel more rested?" he asked her.  
  
"Yeah, I feel better."  
  
"Good. I slept for a bit and when I woke up, I decided to study this album cover again and mull over what you said. This man…do you know his name?"  
  
"Um…I heard once he was called William Campbell," she said.  
  
"Never heard of him, but they could have gotten him from anywhere so that doesn't mean anything."  
  
"I heard they held a Paul McCartney lookalike contest and he won it."  
  
Paul sniggered.  
  
"If he and his ugly face won, I'd hate to see the losers," he said while Amy giggled. "So…they hold a contest and this poor sod thinks to himself, I look like Paul, I'll enter it and when he wins, the grand prize is enslavement by a bunch of nutters. I really do feel sorry for him. I'm sure he had to do this impersonating me rubbish with a gun pointed at his head. But, he must also be a Beatles fan if he entered a lookalike contest. Poor sod."  
  
"And I'm sure they had a gun to the heads of the other Beatles," Amy said.  
  
"Oh, I don't doubt that, love," Paul said. "Especially John. You can tell John what to do for only so long before he starts telling you to piss off and get the fuck out of his face. He doesn't like taking orders that well and it would have to be a gun to the head that would get him to participate in all this. The other lads as well, but John especially. They'd either threaten him or threaten Cynthia and Jules which would be just as bad. If that's true and they did force him to do this, then his inserting all these clues in the songs and albums makes perfect sense. He is a sneaky bastard and he'd want this lot to be found out and pay for what they did to me. Inserting clues in the songs is exactly what he'd do. I'm still trying to suss out why they put these people behind them. I see our old band mate, Stu, and I get him being there but Shirley Temple and Stan Laurel?"  
  
"Who's Stu?"  
  
Paul glanced at her and smiled wistfully.  
  
"Stu Sutcliff. Old friend of John's. When we first put the band together, John asked him to join even though he couldn't play a note to save his life. But he was a friend of John's and that's what counted. He was in Hamburg with us. His playing was so shitty that he stood with his back to the crowd so they couldn't see him missing the chords. He fell in love with a woman there named Astrid who helped us develop our Beatles look and he stayed there with her. He ended up dying of a brain hemorrhage when he got in a fight with a thug and the bastard kicked him in the head with a steel toed boot."  
  
"Oh God!" Amy said.  
  
"Yeah. He was young too, a waste of a talented life. He was pants at playing guitar but he was first and foremost an artist and at that, he excelled. I could see the four of us including him in the lineup since he was our friend but most of these people I have no idea why they were added. Must have something to do with these people's agenda. Some sort of symbolism like the rest of it. Do they have any other symbolic stuff in other albums after this one?"  
  
"Yeah, I think most of the albums after this one have death clues in them," Amy said. "The last album that came out before the Beatles broke up is called Abbey Road and it also has a lot of death clues."  
  
"When was that then? The breakup?"  
  
"Um…1970."  
  
Paul raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Only 4 more years? The band is over and done with that quickly? Still…if I got replaced, I'm sure the others wanted out of the band as fast as possible."  
  
"Yeah, that's what the Doctor thought."  
  
"Makes me wonder how long we would have lasted if none of this rubbish happened. Because I'm sure the others argued with the William Campbell chap and tried to undermine him every step of the way. I mean, don't get me wrong, me and the others get into arguments but we're like brothers and we feel like a family. Families argue but most of the time they get over it and go on. If you're throwing an outsider into this family group, an outsider who is forced upon you and resembles the brother you lost, then I can imagine the anger that stirred up. Like a hornet's nest. Especially John."  
  
"Is he really that bad?" Amy said.  
  
"Do you know much about John's childhood?"  
  
Amy shook her head.  
  
"He was basically abandoned by both his parents. Neither of them really wanted much to do with him and they left him to his aunt Mimi who basically became his mum and dad. Mimi adored him and gave him a stable home life but John was still angry at his parent's betrayal and that anger carried over into his adult years. Later his mum was struck by a car and killed and that added to his anger since he never got to reconnect with her. When I was 14, me mum died of breast cancer and losing a parent gave me some common ground with John when we became friends. But I grew up in a very close family and my dad and I was very close and still are and I think John's always been a bit jealous of that. But anyway, as you might guess, this anger led John to become a sort of tough guy because deep down inside he's a very vulnerable person but he's afraid of letting too many people get close to him, see the real him because they might abandon him like his parents did."  
  
"Is that why he wrote Help?" Amy said.  
  
"Yeah. And that shocked me when he first showed me what he wrote, that finally he was admitting he couldn't be the lone wolf anymore, but I think John is beginning to realize that he can't go through life constantly throwing up walls and blocking everyone out so he doesn't get hurt. Out of everyone he knows, I think me and George and Ringo and his Aunt Mimi are the ones who truly know him and are the closest to his heart. I don't think even Cyn and Jules are as close to him as we are, which is a shame because now he has a chance to be the father figure he never had growing up. But I know that he and Cyn argue all the time and their marriage is not all that stable and most of it has to do with all these issues of intimacy John has. I think if I end up dead, John will completely lose it and if he does, I feel sorry for this William Campbell. If the band finds out I died and they're forced to accept this guy into their midst and he does or says the wrong thing, John'll fuck his face up so much that they'll have to do a complete reconstruction just to get him to look like me again."  
  
He stared at the photo for a moment.  
  
"Love, do you have any idea what their plan is?" Paul said to Amy. "Once this guy is in the band, does "Paul" start acting differently? You said this bloke up here is into black magic and Satanism. Are there any hints of that once this happens?"  
  
He noticed the grimace on Amy's face and he perked up.  
  
"There is?" Paul said in alarm.  
  
"Um…some of the clues to your death are found if people play your songs backwards."  
  
"Backmasking? Yeah, I've heard about that. You can hear all sorts of crazy stuff when you do that," Paul said.  
  
"Well, there's this…I can't really call it a song. It's more like a bunch of noises and spoken phrases. It's called Revolution 9 and it's on this album that people call The White Album because the title of it is just The Beatles but it has an all white cover with nothing on it. Anyway…um…I don't know if I should say this…"  
  
"Might as well, I might die anyway so it won't matter what you tell me."  
  
"No, don't say that. We'll get out of here," Amy said, touching his arm.  
  
"Well, even if we do, I know about this Sergeant Pepper album so you might as well go ahead and tell me about this Revolution 9 song."  
  
"Well, see…what you said about John's relationship with his wife and son. Um…he does end up leaving them for another woman."  
  
"Fuck!" Paul said as he put his hand over his eyes. "So he ends up doing the same thing to his family that his father did to him. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I tried to warn him about that and it just goes in one ear and out the other with John…I'm sorry, love, I s'pose I should have seen that coming but I dared to hope he wouldn't' do that. Anyway, sorry, go on with what you were saying. "  
  
"Well, this woman's name is Yoko Ono. He met her in an art gallery in Soho and she sorta becomes his whole life. He brings her into the studio while you lot are recording your songs and they sorta become joined at the hip. Anyway, it was his and Yoko's idea to make this Revolution 9 song and the others tried to keep it off the album because it's so weird but John and Yoko won out."  
  
Paul snorted at that but said nothing and waited for her to continue.  
  
"The other night when we walked home with you, I couldn't sleep because I was worried about you and I went to talk to the Doctor and he was thinking about why the double was brought into the band and he played that Revolution 9 song backwards so I could hear it."  
  
"And…"  
  
"Well, at the beginning…or I s'pose the end of the song since it's backwards. There's all these Satanic messages about Satan."  
  
Paul raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Um…" Amy went on. "There's also several times that you hear about your death including a recreation of the car crash with the screeching tires and the flames and you supposedly screaming get me out!"  
  
"Get me out?" Paul said. "According to you, I was decapitated. That's a pretty neat trick if my head can holler get me out when it's off me body."  
  
Amy giggled and he squeezed her hand.  
  
"Anyway, this weird song has Satan references and my death on the back of it?"  
  
"Yeah, it was creepy. Um…in the song, someone keeps repeating number 9 over and over and when you play that phrase backwards, it says turn me on, dead man."  
  
Paul chuckled.  
  
"Number 9…heh, I know why that's there."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because John's obsessed with the number 9. He claims it's his lucky number. He was born on the 9th and he thinks it has something to do with that. He's into numerology and he's convinced that 9 is a magical number for him. Me, I don't see the connection. I don't subscribe to numerology like he does but that wasn't them that put that phrase there. That was all John's idea, that's a dead cert. Don't get the meaning of turn me on, dead man though. Turn me on to what since I s'pose it's referring to me."  
  
"Um…I've heard that it's an answer to your Day in the Life song when they say I'd love to turn you on."  
  
Paul frowned.  
  
"I don't know that song," he said.  
  
"Oh, it's on this album," she said, pointing to the postcard.  
  
"That may be, but we haven't recorded it yet. Unless we changed the name of something we've been working on. What's it about?"  
  
"Well, it also mentions a car crash. About a man who blew his mind out in a car."  
  
Paul giggled.  
  
"Okay, wait…I crashed my car, lost my head, burned alive and now my mind is blown out of my skull? Blimey, my body is busy before I die especially if I'm screaming get me out during all of it," he said while Amy laughed. "I never realize my body was so multitalented. But, seriously, there's no song we've written that says that a man blew his mind out in a car. Must be one of those daft songs they want us to sing."  
  
He smiled when Amy started giggling.  
  
"What?" he said.  
  
"Um…do you know about this album they call the butcher album?"  
  
"Butcher album?"  
  
"Yeah, I think it's before Sergeant Pepper. Has the four of you with meat and doll parts draped all over your bodies."  
  
"Oh! Yes, I do know that one, love. We did that for shock value. We knew it'd freak people out but we have weird senses of humor. We weren't surprised when they put a different photo over that one, gave us all a laugh that the executives freaked out at it. But anyway, what about it?"  
  
"Well, was there a pair of false teeth on your body?"  
  
"False teeth…oh yeah, a pair of choppers was on me arm, why?"  
  
"That's another part of it. They also say that when you had the crash your teeth came out of your head."  
  
She giggled when Paul gave her a long, hard stare.  
  
"So when I say get me out, I'm saying it through a decapitated toothless head with no mind that's burning. I really am multitalented. Wait, that's an album that's out now. You're saying there's death clues on albums before this Sergeant Pepper one."  
  
"Well, Mister Brown said that they always planned for one of you to die in a car crash, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah, but the doll parts and meat was our idea, not theirs. No one came up to us and suggested we do that. Perhaps people are reading too much into it?" Paul said. "When did people start finding these clues?"  
  
"Not until near the end. 1968 or 69, I think?" Amy said.  
  
"And I s'pose they assumed if these clues were on some of the albums there'd be some on all of them and they went back too far or at least they assumed too much about some things like the meat and doll parts."  
  
"Did anyone ever suggest you pose a certain way on an album?" Amy asked.  
  
"Oh, we've had suggestions, yes. But we have the final say about what goes on the album. Which is why we were able to get away with using the butcher photo as you put it. What about the other album covers that were released before now? Do you know if people thought there were death clues on them? What about Please, Please Me where we're all looking down from the balcony."  
  
"I don't think so," Amy said, shaking her head. "I've never heard anyone say they saw any death clues on that one."  
  
"With the Beatles? Now that one you can only see our heads and the whole album is black, is that a clue to my decapitation?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Really? Because you can only see our heads and the cover's all black. Someone didn't say look it means death and heads!" he said while she giggled.  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Um…Hard Day's Night?"  
  
Amy shook her head.  
  
"Rubber Soul."  
  
"I heard that you were supposed to be in a cemetary and you're looking at your grave which is why you're looking down at something."  
  
She giggled when she saw the dubious expression on his face.  
  
"We were in a park, not a cemetery. I remember the photo and there's no gravestones behind us so how people came up with that, I'll never know. And if it's my grave, why am I there? What'd the fellas do, dig me up, put a pole up my arse and stick me in the ground so I'd stay?"  
  
He poked her side when Amy laughed at that.  
  
"Well, I'm standing there with them so apparently I'm dead and looking down at my own grave. Musta sewn my head back on as well…and put my teeth back in and put wax on my body to hide the charred flesh. I look pretty good for a corpse now that I think of it. Anyway, Revolver?"  
  
"You're looking off to the side and the others are facing forward."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"That drawing of you…you're looking off to the side," Amy said.  
  
"And…"  
  
"You're different to the others. You're looking off to the side while they're facing front."  
  
"And…" Paul said while Amy giggled. "What has that got to do with me being dead?"  
  
"Because you're always doing something different. They have you doing different things like when you're holding the woodwind instrument or the hand's over your head and not over the other Beatle's heads or you're facing another way or you have on a different outfit…"  
  
"And this means I'm dead?"  
  
"It's…like they're trying to make you or your double stand out. They're calling attention to you by making you different. Like there…" Amy said, pointing to the band in the postcard, "the others are kinda standing at an angle but your double is facing the camera dead on. They made you or your double do something different."  
  
Paul shook his head.  
  
"I don't get why that would mean I died. As for the drawing on the cover of Revolver, that wasn't drawn by any of us, a friend of ours who's an artist drew it and we never made any suggestions to him about what it should look like. So unless he's in league with this lot, he just decided to draw me so I'm in profile. It's just an artistic expression, nothing more. He's the one that designed it so I s'pose you should go ask him, I had nothing to do with it. Um…okay, what about Help then?"  
  
"All I've heard is the coat you're wearing zips up while the others have buttons on their coats."  
  
"SO?" he said while Amy laughed. "Okay, I suppose it's this theory you have of making me look different so I stand out but…oooh, Amy, people read too much into some things. When I put that coat on, I wasn't thinking, "Hey, this has a zipper on it so It'll make me stand out!" Now, the things that come after this album, yes those might have clues that were planted deliberately but I seriously doubt they thought that far ahead that they were placing clues on the albums from a few years ago."  
  
He began to giggle and Amy smiled at him.  
  
"I'm glad they didn't kill me, this is extremely amusing, actually. Nice way to pass the time while we sit here. I'm glad that my fans cared so much about me that they were going over all the albums with a magnifying glass figuring out how I died. Then again, perhaps they were just stoned and bored and saw the albums sitting in the corner and had a dekko at them and suddenly they saw all the clues, including clues that aren't even clues in the first place."  
  
"Speaking of being stoned, there's another thing the Doctor mentioned about a motive…"  
  
"Yeah?" Paul said.  
  
"When we were talking about why they might be doing this. He said that you gave an interview where they asked you about drug use and you said you didn't take any drugs except for pot and Quaaludes."  
  
"Yes. I didn't start using marijuana until Bob Dylan let us try it. I found it relaxed me and that was useful since recording long hours and touring is very stressful. Same with the Quaaludes. I'm not a pill popper but sometimes after long hours, I'm wound up and I need something to relax me so I can actually sleep. But that's all I'll touch. I won't do cocaine or heroin or hash. Being a musician I know people and have heard stories about people who have used that stuff and fucked themselves up. I value myself far too much and I've come too damn far to ruin my life by becoming a junkie. Even though it's stressful at times, I'd rather be one of the most successful people there ever was than be back in the crap holes in Hamburg where we had to play seven and eight hours straight for drunken Germans who would get into fights in front of us over nothing. I'm not about to go back to that or end up a junkie on some street corner somewhere. So yes, I made a choice to stay away from harder drugs. I really shouldn't be mucking about with the pot and the Quaaludes but sadly everyone has their vices and those and fags are mine. Why are you mentioning that interview? Oh God…my double is a junkie?"  
  
"More than that. He gave an interview where he admitted to taking LSD and saw nothing wrong with it."  
  
Paul's mouth nearly hit the floor.  
  
"What?" he said, his eyes open in shock. "That shit's even worse than cocaine and heroin! I would take those before I took LSD! Have you ever seen someone high on acid?"  
  
Amy shook her head.  
  
"I've been to parties where I've seen people take it and you can't talk to them after that because they become totally useless. They wander around and say incoherent things and they hallucinate. And a lot of times they think someone or something is trying to kill them so a lot of them run around screaming that someone's after them and they're trying to kill them. I've heard horror stories from friends about people who jump out windows and injure or kill themselves because they were trying to get away from imaginary killers. I've heard about people slashing their wrists or bodies because they see things crawling on their skin. I definitely wouldn't take that stuff even if you paid me to do it. And now that…bastard is running my good name through the mud by telling everyone I'm on acid. Damn him!"  
  
"The Doctor thought that might have something to do with these people's master plan."  
  
"Taking acid?" Paul said with a frown.  
  
He stared up at the ceiling while he thought.  
  
"When you're on acid," he finally said, "you lose control of yourself for hours on end. You have trouble telling reality from fantasy and sometimes if the acid is too strong you can end up frying your mind on it. I s'pose that can be used by someone to control a person or destroy their mind. But if he goes and tells the press about it…"  
  
"What?" Amy said when he saw his eyes widen.  
  
"I had a thought about why he may have held an interview about that," Paul said, looking at her. "Being a Beatle, I've seen some weird behavior from our fans. We would play a concert and the screams were so loud we couldn't even hear each other. Half the time I thought it was a miracle the four of us were able to keep in sync since I couldn't even hear George and he's usually right beside me on stage. The press called it Beatlemania and mania sums it up perfectly. There's been times when I've sang barely two notes of a song and women are already fainting dead away at my feet. I've seen people literally pull the bloody grass up that we've just walked on simply because we've walked on it. I think some people would do nearly anything to get a ticket to our concerts including kill their own family members. It's always boggled my mind because I don't think we're any different than the hundreds of other bands out there but there's something about us that just causes this mania. I told you about John saying we were bigger than Jesus and maybe he has a point but John sometimes has a problem with tact and since he's said that they've had Beatle bonfires in the US, particularly the places where Christianity is a big deal. We had death threats because people think we're a bunch of heathen blasphemers and I didn't even say it. John said it and they took his quote completely out of context but it's guilt by association so I'm a target as well. My point is, there are people out there who almost worship the ground we walk on and hang on our every word and if someone who looks like me goes out there and says hey, I take LSD and I think it's fine. Love, can you imagine the reaction?"  
  
"A lot of people will start trying it because your double said so."  
  
"Exactly. I'm beginning to see why the band's so valuable to these people. We're basically a propaganda tool. Now I don't know what LSD has to do with their agenda but I'm asking about that as well because that can't be just some random statement. There's a bigger, sinister purpose behind it and I wanna know what that is, especially since all of this is being done in my name."  
  
They looked over when they heard the door opening. They expected Mister Brown or Jones to be there but instead the door was opened by a short Asian man wearing black trousers, white t-shirt and a black leather jacket. He had long hair that was pulled back in a ponytail and a Fu Manchu mustache.  
  
"Both of you come with me, the master will see you now," he said to them.  
  
Paul and Amy stood up. Paul took Amy's hand and gave it a squeeze as they walked towards the man.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
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	16. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88276) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88276)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=16) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
"The moment they stepped into the warehouse part of the building, Amy's blood ran cold. All around them were satanic symbols.  
  
"Gee, suddenly having that Crowley chap on the album cover makes perfect sense," Paul said, glancing up at a large inverted pentagram that had been spray painted on the wall with gold spray paint.  
  
The man stopped them near the front of a warehouse in front of a large altar.  
  
"Wait here," he said to them, "and don't think of escaping, you're being watched and we'll kill you without a second thought."  
  
"I don't doubt that," Paul said to him.  
  
The man let out a snort of contempt and turned.  
  
"Not a fan of the Beatles, I see," Paul muttered while he went through a door behind the altar.  
  
"Paul, look," Amy whispered, pointing at the altar.  
  
Paul looked where she was pointing and anger flooded his mind when he saw traces of dried blood on the altar and the floor in front of it.  
  
"Makes me wonder how many people they've killed over the years," Paul muttered to her. "They obviously have no problem with it since they killed that bloke last night on the spur of the moment."  
  
The man came out of the room and beckoned to them.  
  
"Here goes, moment of truth," Paul said to her.  
  
They walked into the room and both of them froze in shock when they saw the two demons, one sitting at a desk and the other standing on his left side.  
  
"About LSD…"Paul muttered to Amy, "I'm beginning to think they slipped us some when we weren't looking."  
  
The man left the room along with the demon standing beside the desk. As the demon passed by them, he smirked at Paul and chuckled. Paul rolled his eyes, muttered, "Whatever, mate," under his breath and listened to the door shutting behind them. He and Amy stared at the demon while he silently regarded them.  
  
"You don't fear me?" the demon finally said.  
  
"I don't fear people wearing costumes and makeup," Paul said.  
  
"I don't think that's it, Paul. I think he's an alien," Amy said.  
  
"Oh! Very perceptive," the demon said, delighted, "course I wouldn't expect any less from someone who's traveled with the Doctor."  
  
He laughed when he saw the shocked looks on their faces.  
  
"Oh, come now, you didn't think you weren't being monitored, did you? I have this entire building bugged and I heard everything you were saying in your cell. Interesting conversation you were having. I decided after hearing it to bring you here and satisfy your curiosity. Take a seat."  
  
Paul and Amy sat down in the chairs in front of the desk.  
  
"I know your names, my name is Satan."  
  
He chuckled when both of them gave him dubious looks.  
  
"Okay, Satan, I'm Jesus Christ," Paul said.  
  
Satan grinned.  
  
"Very witty, Mister McCartney, I like a sharp mind and quick wit. I find too many of your kind are dull and dimwitted. But on the other hand, that suits our purposes perfectly."  
  
"And what are your purposes?" Paul asked.  
  
"Well, you've managed to guess some of them which is really impressive for a couple of backwards apes," Satan said. "However, you fail to see the big picture."  
  
"And that is…" Amy said.  
  
"World domination," Satan said.  
  
"That figures," Amy said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"I expect you've seen many like me in your travels with the Doctor," Satan said to her.  
  
"Bent on dominating everything, yes," Amy said.  
  
"And I suppose you've helped him stop people like that," Satan said.  
  
"You know the Doctor?" Paul said.  
  
Satan regarded him for a moment.  
  
"My dear boy, almost everyone except Earthlings know who he is," he said in amusement. "Your species is hopelessly backward, clueless and blind. You fail to see the obvious which is why it's so easy to control humans. However, there are from time to time humans who have some intelligence and that includes you and Amy here. Since you don't know who the Doctor is, I shall tell you. Her friend is quite well known throughout the universe because he loves to travel around in his time machine, meddle in the affairs of others and stop them."  
  
"He meddles in the affairs of evil people like you," Amy said.  
  
"Ah, but what is evil? What may be evil to you might not be evil to me."  
  
"I would say killing people is pretty evil to me," Paul said.  
  
"Your species slaughter each other every day. Compared to all the wars your ignorant race has fought, the people I've killed are just a drop in the bucket."  
  
"Well, since I never fought in any wars and haven't killed anyone, I don't believe you can compare me to the rest of humanity," Paul said.  
  
"But you've had thoughts of killing people before, yes? I'm sure there are some people you'd love to see walk off the edge of a cliff or maybe you'd like to push them off yourself. You've just had enough self control not to act on those impulses and fantasies."  
  
"Perhaps, so who is the better man since I've never killed anyone and you have?" Paul said.  
  
"Are you so sure of that? You and your band reach millions and you have much influence. You sure that something you did or said didn't cause a murder or a suicide? Perhaps because Miss Asher became your girlfriend, someone was so distraught that they committed suicide."  
  
"Perhaps, but I'm talking about killing someone myself. That sort of killing I have no direct control over. I'm sure you lot have also caused countless indirect murders and suicides."  
  
"I'm sure we have. Our race have been controlling your kind for centuries, guiding you and influencing you so you'll follow what we want you to do and fulfill our goals. However…there have been occasional setbacks in the master plan. Most of them caused by her little friend," he said, gesturing to Amy.  
  
"Good! I'm glad the Doctor's interrupted you and your lot's plans for world domination," Amy said.  
  
"You wouldn't be gloating if you really knew the Doctor," Satan said. "He's dangerous. More dangerous than you can possibly imagine."  
  
"In what way?" Paul asked.  
  
"He is a destroyer of worlds," Satan said.  
  
"Oh, come off it," Amy said as Paul raised his eyebrow.  
  
Satan snickered.  
  
"You see, blind," he said to Paul as he gestured to Amy. "That's what the Doctor does. He pretends to be this benevolent time traveler who goes around and rescues people. He picks people up from different planets and gives them the honor of traveling with them and while they're blinded by the excitement of getting away from their miserable lives and seeing other worlds, he's busy killing people left and right and disrupting civilizations. You think we're imposing our will on this world? My dear apes, he's imposed his will on countless worlds when he starts fixing things he doesn't like. Isn't that a form of control? You call me evil, Mister McCartney, but he's just as evil as I am."  
  
"I doubt that," Amy said.  
  
Satan sighed.  
  
"Believe what you will, I am not here to argue. It's only from listening to your conversation that I even realized that you were a companion of the Doctor in the first place."  
  
"Yeah and if you know what's good for you, you'll let us and everyone else you're holding captive go before he comes here and makes you sorry you came to Earth," Amy said.  
  
Satan snorted.  
  
"There are surveillance cameras all over the place. The moment he's sighted, the two of you die so if I were you, I wouldn't wish for him to show up. Now…I believe we should steer this conversation back to why Mister McCartney has been chosen as a sacrifice. We always meant to replace one of you if there was a possibility you and your band mates wouldn't work with us. Until yesterday, we hadn't settled on you being the lucky winner, although we've kept you in mind since you tend to walk home from the studio by yourself and you take your morning walks. I assume you got your information about the death clues from the future, Amy. You are correct about his double being called William Campbell and that he was selected from a phony lookalike contest we held about a year ago."  
  
"Where is he then?" Paul asked.  
  
"Just a moment. You'll meet him soon enough," Satan said, holding up his hand. "Since you were discussing LSD use, I will elaborate on that a bit. You've heard of Timothy Leary?"  
  
"Yeah, he's one of those that endorse the use of LSD so you can expand your mind," Paul said.  
  
"Correct. He also works for us," Satan said. "He's part of a project called MK-ULTRA. The project was thought up by my race and implemented by humans under our control. It researches ways to control humans through such things as hypnosis and using certain drugs like LSD. Militaries from different countries have been testing LSD and other drugs on their soldiers for years as part of our continuing study of it. Many humans from all walks of life have been given LSD, most of them unaware they have been given it so we can study the effects. So far, we've had promising results but unfortunately the effects of the drug are random and it's difficult to control some subjects so we're researching a more potent form of the drug, one that will allow us to control the minds of everyone who takes it with 100 percent accuracy."  
  
"And from what Amy said about the future, you are going to use William to persuade people to start taking LSD."  
  
"Correct. So nice that she has this information about the future. We were planning just that. We need to continue our experiments and because we need him to fulfill a mission for us."  
  
"And that is?" Paul said.  
  
"You are aware that a war is raging in Vietnam at this moment."  
  
"Yes," Paul said.  
  
"We helped to start that war," Satan said proudly.  
  
"Why?" Amy asked.  
  
"Chaos, my dear. War is useful, it causes chaos, confusion, fear. It destabilizes countries and leaves people susceptible to outside influences. It's one of the many tools we use to bring about our total control of your planet. Our kind are responsible for most of the wars on your puny little mudball. However, there are elements that rise up from time to time to try to ruin our plans."  
  
"The Doctor," Amy said.  
  
"Yes, but not in this case. In this case, it is the young people, particularly the hippies as they call themselves. They are forming protests against the war and urging others to join them. They are burning draft cards and fleeing the country to avoid fighting. In short they are an irritant to us."  
  
"Good, I'm glad," Paul said. "I'm glad people are taking it upon themselves to fight the evil you're creating."  
  
"I'm sure you are," Satan said dryly. "You and your band are a part of this whole peace movement."  
  
"Yes, we are," Paul said proudly.  
  
"Which is why your counterpart needs to tell others to take LSD. If enough hippies get hooked on acid, they'll forget about protesting the war and spend time in their houses getting high and that's all they'll care about. The peace movement will fizzle out and we can continue our agenda."  
  
"Wait, that's all you need William for? Getting people hooked on acid?" Paul said in disbelief. "You kidnapped this poor man and disrupted his life for that?"  
  
"Yes, but you see, Mister McCartney, we must take things one step at a time. It may seem insignificant to you and perhaps it is but in the long run, it is quite necessary to stamp out this movement. We cannot let light and love and good prevail on this planet. Only chaos and fear and despair will allow us to put forth our agenda and ultimately rule all of you."  
  
"Why? Why do you want to rule the Earth?" Amy said.  
  
"Because that's what we do. Our race has been conquering planets and ruling them since the dark times."  
  
"Dark times?" Paul said.  
  
"Eons before the formation of the Earth, there were several races who spread across the universe spreading chaos to the worlds that existed then. Then, the Doctor's ancestors, the Time Lords, came along and began putting a stop to it, killing my kind and the other dark ones wherever they could find them, even exterminating some of them so that light could prevail in the universe."  
  
"Hmm, I'm liking the Doctor more and more with each passing minute," Paul said.  
  
"I don't doubt it, being an innocent," Satan said dryly.  
  
Paul raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Mate, you don't know me as well as you think you do. I haven't slaughtered people like you have but I'm hardly an innocent man, I've done many things in my life."  
  
"I mean you are an innocent in that you are a being of light and therefore you are ignorant of the dark and the ones who reside there."  
  
"Okay, since you put it that way, I s'pose I am an innocent," Paul said. "I've met some horrible people in my life but I've never met anyone as evil as you and your kind."  
  
"Once again, evil is in the eye of the beholder, but we won't argue that again," Satan said, waving his hand. "Your friends are also beings of light, but you…you are particularly powerful in that regard. You are a force for good just like your friend, Amy, is. Your friends are also powerful but you radiate light from your very being and that makes you a threat to us."  
  
Paul smirked at that.  
  
"Afraid of the light, mate?" he said. "Afraid the light might expose your little activities?"  
  
"Precisely. You and your band mates radiate light and power and that allows you to influence others, only you influence them to embrace the light themselves and improve this world. We are just the opposite. That's why you and your friends must be reigned in and made to serve us. That power must be ours to control."  
  
"You seriously think my mates will obey you? Even if I do die, they'll find ways to stop you," Paul said.  
  
"Oh, but we have ways of controlling them and rendering them powerless. Not just by threatening them and their loved ones but also by the use of hypnosis and mind controlling drugs, the same techniques we used on your counterpart. Actually, we originally had duplicates for all four of you because like I said, we couldn't decide which one needed to be eliminated if you resisted. For awhile we were leaning towards either you or your friend, John because he is also very powerful and influential but in the end, the convenience of being able to kidnap you won out and you were chosen. Once that happened, the duplicates of the others were no longer needed and they were incinerated."  
  
Amy gasped while Paul gritted his teeth.  
  
"You fucking, heartless bastard!" Paul snarled. "I hope the Doctor does find you and defeat you. I'd love to see you thrown in the incinerator and see you burn. I think it'd be a fitting end for you and your buddies."  
  
"Well, actually I share part of your sentiment. I want the Doctor to find you because I also want to see him burn alive which is why I'm going to send William out to meet him and your friends this evening. I'm hoping that they'll figure out where you're at so they can fall into our trap. Of course, if the other Beatles come along, we'll hold them captive until they're brainwashed into submission. Now that their duplicates are gone, we can't afford to lose them. You, on the other hand, are expendable along with your friend here so I'd watch your tongue if I were you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to signal Martok to bring William in so you can meet him before he leaves."  
  
Paul and Amy glared at him as he got up from the desk. He walked over to the door, opened it and stuck his head out. He said a few words and then opened the door wide. Paul and Amy turned in their seats when William walked in. Paul's mouth dropped open in shock. Unlike his photo of the Sargeant Pepper album, William had his dark brown hair combed over his head from left to right. He was wearing wire framed glasses and had a slight mustache. He was wearing a white shirt with a black tie and black trousers and dress shoes. He had a slightly glazed look in his eyes and stood at attention behind the chairs while Satan shut the door.  
  
"This is him? He looks even less like me than he does on the album cover," Paul said as he and Amy stood up.  
  
"That's because he hasn't had much plastic surgery yet. We wanted to wait until we knew for certain before we started sculpting his face to look like yours."  
  
Amy stared at him. She thought she'd seen his face before and then it hit her.  
  
"Paul, the way he looks now…they inserted a photo of him looking like this on this poster that came with the White Album," she said to him.  
  
"And people didn't notice it wasn't me?" Paul said in shock.  
  
"They thought it was you in disguise," Amy said.  
  
"Really? How interesting," Satan said as he came up beside William. "We have taken several photos of him for reference and for before and after comparisons. Perhaps we inserted this photo you speak of as a joke. We like to leave clues to our agenda out in the open and laugh when the human sheep take no notice of them or rationalize away what they see. But where are your manners, William, say hello."  
  
"Hello," William said in a dull voice.  
  
"He sounds nothing like me," Paul said, shaking his head. "He has a Scottish accent."  
  
"That's also something we put off till the last minute. While we use the songs you and friends have been working on for the next record album. We will be training him to walk, talk and act like you and use your accent. By the time we get through with him, he will look like you for the most part. There are some facial features we can't alter but we will use airbrushing on photos, makeup, rubber prosthetics and other things that will ultimately condition the dull witted humans to see him as you. What you see here is step one of the project."  
  
"Project?" Paul said.  
  
He stepped in front of William.  
  
"Mate, wake up. You can't do this. You can't let them do this. You have to fight them!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Mister McCartney, but he's been brainwashed to obey, just as you and Amy will be brainwashed in time to serve us."  
  
Paul stared at William. The dull look in his eyes frightened him and he was suddenly sorry he'd ever joked about the man's appearance. He felt nothing but sympathy for this man who had been brainwashed into submission and now was an unwitting pawn in Satan's plans. He wondered if the Doctor or anyone else could get through to him. He hoped so since he didn't want to say too much to William with Satan standing right behind him. They watched while Satan opened the door and commanded William to leave. William turned and walked back out the door and Satan looked at Paul and Amy.  
  
"I believe our meeting is concluded for now. My servants will take you back to your room now. I suggest you rest and think about your futures. If you obey us and don't resist, we will not only allow you to live but will give you some measure of freedom here. Resist or try to escape and you'll either be put to death or put in chains and every step you take will be chosen by us. So choose your future wisely. And now, I bid you both good night."  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	17. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88307) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88307)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=17) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
The Asian man escorted Paul and Amy back to their cell. When he opened the door and they walked in, they noticed male and female clothes were neatly folded and were lying on the duvets in two piles. Alongside each pile was a small plastic bag filled with toiletries. Next to that was a folded towel and flannel. Across from the duvets on the other side of the wall was a small black and white TV. Someone had brought in a chest of drawers and hung up a full length mirror. The pitcher had been filled with water and next to the door, the plates were filled with bangers and mash and two tin cups were filled with milk. Once they were inside, the Asian man shut the door and locked it. Paul stared at the food.  
  
"Um…that Satan chap just got done telling us they give LSD to people without their knowledge and suddenly we have food?" he said to Amy.  
  
"You think it's safe to eat then?" Amy asked.  
  
"Dunno, love, but I wouldn't bet my life on it. But at least they're trying to make this prison more comfortable for us and hey, we even get the broken TV from the Sergeant Pepper photo. Apparently they have no trouble with us viewing news from the outside world."  
  
"Well, he was boasting we'd never escape. Probably doing this to taunt us."  
  
"He can taunt me all he wants; at least we have something to watch when we get bored. Besides, he mentioned if we were good little apes we'd get a bit of freedom. Perhaps this is the first test of that," Paul said. "At the moment, I'm too tired and overwhelmed to care. So much has happened in the past couple of days, I just want to relax and process it all."  
  
He and Amy moved everything off the duvets and put them on top of the chest of drawers. They lay down beside each other. Paul put his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling while Amy closed her eyes and meditated. They remained silent for about a half hour.  
  
"Amy, are you asleep?" Paul finally asked.  
  
Amy opened her eyes.  
  
"No, I was just thinking."  
  
"Got a question for ya. Knowing what we know now about William's mission, what are the songs like on Sergeant Pepper and beyond? Is the theme of the songs different to the way I usually sing them?"  
  
Amy turned on her side and thought while Paul waited.  
  
"Um…the stuff on Sergeant Pepper is more…psychedelic and surreal and more adult than the stuff you've been doing," she said.  
  
"So no more songs about being in love and getting the girl?"  
  
"Not so much," Amy said. "And nothing you can really dance to. Most of the songs are more for sitting and listening."  
  
"Hmmm. Sitting and listening so you'll be sure to get the messages in the songs?" Paul said.  
  
"I'm not sure. I just know that nothing on Sergeant Pepper is something you can really dance to."  
  
"But are the songs that William sings filled with hate messages and have dark themes?"  
  
"Not really. But there's this one song called Helter Skelter that this murdered called Charles Manson used as an excuse to murder people."  
  
"How so? I don't know the song. Helter Skelter as in a funfair ride?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Okay, how does singing about a funfair ride translate to someone going on a murderous rampage?"  
  
"Well, Charles Manson was American and I don't think he knew what a helter skelter was and he thought the song was speaking to him and telling him to incite a race war between blacks and whites and he and these followers he brainwashed went on this murder spree. They killed several people including Sharon Tate."  
  
Paul did a double take.  
  
"He did?" he said.  
  
"Yeah. Well, I think he wasn't there when they killed her, it was his followers but I remember they said they stabbed her and everyone in the house twenty or thirty times and they opened up Sharon, took out her baby and killed it. Then they wrote things like die, pig, die on the walls and furniture in their blood."  
  
Paul stared at her in silent horror.  
  
"So something that was sung in my name caused a bloodbath in America," he said, his stomach churning.  
  
"Yeah. There were a couple of songs on the White Album beside it. He thought you lot were speaking to him directly. You were asking about songs different to what you would sing and that's one. It's more like heavy metal than slow and soft."  
  
"Heavy metal? What's that mean? I've never heard that term before," Paul said, frowing.  
  
"I think that's because you were one of the first to have a heavy metal song. Um…heavy metal songs are usually played fast and loud and most of the time the person singing it yells the lyrics."  
  
"And that's what William does? Sings it loudly?"  
  
"Yeah. Trust me; it's nothing like Yesterday at all. It's a very…gritty sort of song."  
  
"About a funfair slide? A gritty song about a funfair slide?"  
  
Amy nodded.  
  
"Yeah, but most of the time heavy metal songs are about anger and rebellion and…"  
  
"Chaos?" Paul said with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Amy nodded grimly.  
  
"So…a song that is sung by me that usually is about chaos is interpreted by a man as go out and create chaos and he and his followers do just that. Suddenly, I'm thinking that choice of song was no accident, Amy. Not after what we were told about this lot's plans."  
  
"But only Manson and his followers interpreted the song in that way," Amy said. "If they were trying to control listeners, why didn't more people go on murderous rampages?"  
  
"Maybe some did and we don't know about it because they didn't kill a famous actress," Paul said. "Anyway, not everyone has the same reaction to a song. People interpret songs in different ways. These people were nutters and perhaps that was the intention all along. Perhaps when they used this song on the album, they were hoping some nutter would think it was directed at him and start a killing spree. Is there any other song that people used to start murdering people?"  
  
"I don't think so. Just that song and a couple of others off the white album but as far as I know he was the only one."  
  
"But are there more songs that are different to ones I usually sing?" Paul said.  
  
"Well, when Sergeant Pepper came out, it was the first of its kind because no one had done an album where you had to just sit and listen to the songs and after it came out, everyone started…copying…"  
  
She trailed off while Paul raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Everyone started copying what the Beatles were doing then?" Paul said while she nodded. "Then after this album came a slew of imitators all doing the same sort of songs and you said that the songs became more dreamlike, yeah? Sort of like being on an acid trip?"  
  
"A lot of them were like that, yeah."  
  
"Can I see that postcard again, love?"  
  
Amy handed it to him and Paul turned over on his stomach while he studied it. He pointed to the costumed Beatles.  
  
"Do you know whose idea it was to dress the band like this?" he asked her.  
  
"I'm not sure but I know that the idea behind it was you would pretend to be a different group, not the Beatles but this band called Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band. Like a concept album."  
  
Paul smirked and showed her the postcard.  
  
"Whoever thought this up must have been on acid because these outfits are dead ugly," he said while Amy giggled. "They're poncy looking. Who was Mister Pepper sergeant of, the fop brigade?"  
  
Amy laughed while Paul shrugged.  
  
"I'm serious. The band looks silly. I s'pose that adds to the whole acid trip quality of the album but I really can't see John dressing up like this unless it really was at the point of a gun. Oh…poor fellas, I was so glad I was dead during this because I would rather be caught dead than dressed up in this Easter egg nightmare," he said while Amy laughed harder. "And this continues past this album? Do we go on to make Sergeant Pepper 2?"  
  
"No, actually that's the only time you do that. You go back to being the Beatles afterwards."  
  
Paul chuckled.  
  
"Maybe John really did threaten to break a few heads and they decided to ditch the Easter egg costumes," he said. "But…we have this album, the album with the Helter Skelter song and that Revolution 9 song and what else?"  
  
"Abbey Road and Let It Be?"  
  
"And do those contain any peculiar songs on it?"  
  
"Um…nothing that I could see as causing a bloodbath," Amy said. "Actually, the Helter Skelter song is the only heavy metal song and then you go back to singing calmer songs."  
  
"Then perhaps Helter Skelter was another part of their plan. Use the song, some nutter kills and they go back to the way things were. Another part of their mission accomplished. Satan said they take this whole ruling the world thing one step at a time. Perhaps that was another step."  
  
"But…after those last albums, the Beatles break up and everyone goes on to have solo careers."  
  
"Everyone? Even William?" Paul said.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Really? And what sort of songs does he sing?"  
  
"That's just it. The same sort of songs you like to sing. Songs about love and peace, the opposite of what they like," Amy said.  
  
"Are his songs any good?"  
  
"I like em. In fact, I lied about where that Silly Love Songs came from, that was one of his."  
  
"Aha, and I said it sounded like something I would sing," he said while she nodded.  
  
"But if they're using him to spread chaos and hate why would he sing songs about love?" Amy said. "Unless he breaks away from them and has his own career."  
  
Paul let out a ruthful laugh.  
  
"Love, I haven't know these people very long but I have a feeling you can't just walk away from them and do your own thing, especially if they've gone through the trouble of turning you into a tool for them. No, either he wasn't needed at the time and they let him sing those songs so he'd still be in the public eye or those songs he sings have hidden messages or there's a reason behind it. But apart from that, you say he's successful?"  
  
"Very successful. He has a solo band called Wings and when they break up; he goes off on his own."  
  
"And he's still playing in 2010?"  
  
"Yeah, he released a new album in 2009 and he tours."  
  
"He does? How does he sound, he sound like me?"  
  
"Yeah, pretty much."  
  
"Nice to know I was successful from beyond the grave," he said while she giggled. "What about Jane? Does he marry her?"  
  
"No. She broke up with him eventually. Then he marries this woman called Linda Eastman and she's a part of Wings."  
  
"Really? Gets his wife into the band. Heh, that's one way of keeping your spouse close."  
  
"They also become vegetarians."  
  
Paul's eyes bulged.  
  
"They do?" he said with a grin.  
  
"Yeah, both of them."  
  
"Well, there's another difference because I like meat. I wouldn't be a vegetarian if you paid me."  
  
"Well, I think the reason he gave was after he went solo, he and Linda were eating at a restaurant and they ordered lamb or lambchops or something like that and they were about to eat it when they looked out the window and saw lambs frolicking in a field nearby and they looked at them and looked at their plate and made the connection and they stopped eating meat from then on."  
  
"You know what I would have done if that had been me?"  
  
"What?" Amy said.  
  
Paul leaned in close.  
  
"I woulda said thank you little lambs for my sumptuous meal and then I woulda tore into that mother fucker and gobbled it up!" he said while Amy laughed. "It's commendable that he stopped eating meat in order to save little lambs but the way I see it, we have canine teeth and those are used for tearing flesh. If God wanted us to be vegetarian, he wouldn't have given us those. Nope, not gonna do that! So...William goes on to be a successful solo artist and eats plants. What about the other lads? Are they successful as well?"  
  
"Yeah. John is really successful and…"  
  
"And?"  
  
"Well, he and Yoko marry and they basically work for world peace. You said he was on you about writing more songs that deal with social issues and that's what he does. He tries to bring peace to the world."  
  
Paul leaned in closer after glancing up at the ceiling.  
  
"And they allow this?" he said in a hushed voice as he pointed up.  
  
Amy hesitated but Paul read her face and groaned softly.  
  
"What do they do to him?" he whispered.  
  
"Um…I don't know if they have anything to do with it but he gets shot by this crazed fan and…"  
  
She trailed off but Paul nodded in understanding.  
  
"When?" he whispered.  
  
"1980," Amy whispered back.  
  
"Shit," Paul whispered.  
  
He leaned in closer.  
  
"I told you that John has trouble with authority and taking orders," he whispered. "And a lot of times he'll rebel against someone if he feels they're being too bossy and ordering him about. That's why it makes sense to me that he's the one who hid all the clues to my death. It could have been just a crazed fan that shot him, there's certainly a lot of them out there but…then again…"  
  
"They ordered it?" Amy whispered it as she pointed up.  
  
"I don't know but they said they'd kill them if they got out of line and if John starts trying to work for world peace and going against their agenda…I don't know, maybe he thought after he left the band that they'd leave him alone or maybe eventually he just didn't care anymore and went off and did his own thing. All I know is John has a limit to how much bullshit he'll take from people before he says fuck you and ignores them."  
  
He hesitated a moment while Amy watched him.  
  
"Can you read lips?" He mouthed to her.  
  
Amy nodded and he gave her the thumbs up sign.  
  
"Good. I have a feeling we might need to do that from time to time," he mouthed to her as she nodded in agreement.  
  
"What about the others?" he whispered to her. "Are they still alive in 2010?"  
  
"Ringo is," Amy whispered. "George died of lung cancer."  
  
Paul made a face.  
  
"But…" Amy whispered, "just before he died, some nutter broke into his house that had heavy duty security systems guarding it and stabbed him, nearly killed him.  
  
Paul raised his eyebrow.  
  
"Heavy security?" he whispered.  
  
Amy nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I remember that some people were shocked this guy was able to get past it all and get in."  
  
Paul raised both his eyebrows and Amy nodded.  
  
"Did he do or say anything that would have caused these nutters to send someone after him?" Paul whispered.  
  
Amy thought for a moment and then shook her head.  
  
"If he did, I don't remember what it was," she whispered.  
  
"So once again, could have been just a random attack but on the other hand…Christ, Amy, I've suddenly become fucking paranoid thanks to these people. Now everything has a sinister motive behind it. But I s'pose that's what they mean about me being an innocent when it comes to people's evil intentions."  
  
Amy was about to say something else when suddenly they heard the door unlocking.  
  
"Shit," Paul said softly as he and Amy quickly sat up and waited for whoever it was to come through the door.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	18. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88330) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88330)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=18) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Eighteen  
  
John sighed angrily while everyone sat in the bedroom of Jane's house. It had been several hours since Paul and Amy vanished and he was nearing the end of his patience.  
  
"How much longer are we gonna sit here?" he finally said. "Paul and Amy might be dead by now!"  
  
"Do you have any ideas, John?" Jane said. "Because I have no idea how to find them."  
  
"At least if we're out something we're not sitting here on the bed while someone's torturing them."  
  
"Are you so sure they've been caught?" George said.  
  
"Mate, Paul would have rang us by now to let us know he and Amy were safe. He would have pulled over somewhere and phoned us. They've been taken," John said.  
  
They looked over when they heard a knock on the door. Jane opened it and saw her mother.  
  
"Janie, there's two men downstairs," her mother said. "They said they want to speak to you, all of you."  
  
Everyone looked at each other and followed Jane's mother out of the room. They got downstairs and saw an Asian man standing next to a mousy looking man wearing glasses. The mousy man had a dull look in his eyes as he watched the Asian man come forward to the little group.  
  
"Yes?" Jane said as the rest of the group clustered around her. "Are you here about Paul and Amy?"  
  
"I am," the Asian man said.  
  
"Have you found them?" John asked.  
  
He narrowed his eyes when the man snickered. Everyone gasped when he suddenly reached behind him and pulled a revolver out of his trouser waistband.  
  
"Now, all of you will be quiet and listen to what I have to say," he said, pointing the gun at them.  
  
The door opened and to Paul and Amy's relief, Angela came inside. Angela smiled warmly while she shut the door.  
  
"I've come to check up on you and deliver a message from the masters," she said.  
  
"And the message is…"Paul said as she bent down next to him.  
  
"They've decided to be generous and allow you to help me while I work," she said, lifting the left side of his shirt. "Ribs hurt, love?"  
  
"Um…no, they're fine," Paul said. "What sort of help?"  
  
"Oh, sweeping and mopping my infirmary, assisting me when patients come in, filing, that sort of thing. Your hair is growing back just fine, dear."  
  
"Really?" Paul said as Amy leaned in.  
  
"Yeah, you can't see the bald spot anymore," Amy said, studying it. "And it's fuller in the back now."  
  
"Oh, well, thank you for that," Paul said to Angela. "Now about this working for you, what's the catch?"  
  
"Catch?" Angela asked.  
  
"Yes, what do we have to do in return?"  
  
"Just help me," Angela said. "They're giving you a bit of freedom, dear."  
  
"Testing us, you mean, see if we'll try to escape."  
  
"If you like," Angela said with a shrug, "that's up to you. I'd advise against it but this is your choice. You don't have to come and help me, you can just sit here in your cell but I assure you that I won't hurt either one of you and you'll have an easy time of it. What do you want to do then?"  
  
Paul looked at Amy.  
  
"You wanna take her up on her offer?" he said to her.  
  
"Better than sittin' and rottin' away in here. Give us somethin' to do," she said.  
  
"Okay, we accept," Paul said.  
  
"Wonderful. Now come with me and please don't cause trouble. I like you and I don't want either of you to suffer."  
  
Paul and Amy shared a look before they got up and followed Angela out of the room.  
  
The Asian man sneered as he kept his gun pointed at his captives. Behind him, William stood calmly, taking it all in with unconcern. Jane got her mother and father to get behind the men and she stood by John's side, glaring at the man.  
  
"Where's Paul and Amy?" she asked the man.  
  
"They're dead," he said smugly.  
  
"Mate, for your sake, that better be a lie," John snarled at him.  
  
"They tried to escape so they were put to death," the man said nonchalantly. "But don't worry, you have a new bandmate. Meet William Campbell, Paul's replacement."  
  
Everyone looked at him.  
  
"You're barmy, he looks nothing like Paul," George said.  
  
"Not yet. He will after we finish with his plastic surgery and put makeup and prosthetics on him."  
  
"And that's okay with you then?" Ringo asked William.  
  
"I do whatever my masters command me to do," William said dully.  
  
"See. He's ready and willing to work with you and believe me, you will work with him…or else," the man said, pointing to the gun.  
  
John snorted.  
  
"Take your best shot, mate. After what you did to Paul and Amy, I'll risk a hole in the head just so I can see you suffer."  
  
"Been warned about you. You're the troublemaker of the group. Well, we have ways of reigning in troublemakers and…"  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
The man looked at the Doctor as he came forward. He narrowed his eyes at him while he took in his outfit.  
  
"What are you s'posed to be, a university professor?" he said with a smirk.  
  
"My name is the Doctor and you are…"  
  
The man regarded him silently for a moment.  
  
"Mister Yakamoto," he said.  
  
"Good. We know your name. Now…where are Paul and Amy?"  
  
"I told you, they're dead."  
  
The Doctor leaned forward and Mister Yakamoto stiffened.  
  
"I don't believe you," he said with deadly calm. "I believe both of them are too valuable to you and your friends for you to just kill them. Now…where are they?"  
  
"You'll never find them so you and your friends might as well accept William here and follow our orders, or else."  
  
"Or else, what?" the Doctor said.  
  
"Or else, I beat the everlovin' crap outta each and every one of ya."  
  
"Really, how?"  
  
"I'm a black belt in karate, ninth degree," he said smugly.  
  
"Really? I'm a fourteenth obsidian belt in Venusian Aikido," the Doctor said.  
  
"I've never heard of that," Mister Yakamoto said with a frown.  
  
"Oh, it's quite hard to learn but once you do…"  
  
Without warning, the Doctor's fingers on his right hand shot out and hit Yakamoto in the side of the neck. There was a small cricking sound and Yakamoto's eyes rolled up into his head as he passed out and fell to the floor. The Doctor straightened back up.  
  
"See, I'm much faster than any karate expert plus you were running your gob so much you didn't notice I was readying myself for an attack. Now…"  
  
He walked over to William and smiled warmly at him while the Beatles grabbed Yakamoto and dragged him away.  
  
"Mr. Asher, you have some rope so we can tie this git up?" John asked him.  
  
"I might have some in the garage," he replied.  
  
He went off to check while Rory, Jane and her mother came up behind the Doctor who was studying William quietly.  
  
"William, is that your real name?" the Doctor asked him.  
  
"No, I'm Paul McCartney," he said.  
  
"Like hell you are, you stupid git," John snarled as he stomped towards him. "Where's the real Paul and Amy."  
  
The Doctor held up his hand, stopping John.  
  
"He's been brainwashed," he said to them.  
  
"So, he really thinks he's Paul?" Ringo said.  
  
"Or he's been conditioned to give his name as Paul if someone asks," the Doctor said. "His eyes are a bit glazed. They've done something to him."  
  
He studied William for a moment and then suddenly put his fingertips on his temples. Mrs. Asher gasped when William's eyes rolled up in his head and he passed out. Rory ran to the Doctor's side and both of them lowered the man to the floor.  
  
"What did you do?" Mrs. Asher said.  
  
"I've put him to sleep. I'm going to bypass the brainwashing and get the truth outta him."  
  
He put his fingers to William's temples again while Mr. Asher came back in the room carrying a small amount of rope in his hands.  
  
"I managed to find some, enough we can tie his hands and feet together, what is he doing?"  
  
"He's trying to get the truth outta William," Rory said.  
  
"How?" Mr. Asher said with a frown as he came around the Doctor's side and saw his fingers on William's temples.  
  
"You might not believe this but the Doctor is from a bit father than London," John said to him.  
  
Mr. Asher was about to ask him what he meant by that when suddenly William's eyes opened and the lucidity was back in his eyes. He blinked as the Doctor sat back on his haunches.  
  
"Is William your real name?" he said as everyone came up behind him.  
  
"Yes," William said, nodding.  
  
"Where are you from?" the Doctor asked.  
  
"Inverness."  
  
"How long have you been a prisoner?"  
  
"Not sure. There's no windows in that place. It's been awhile though."  
  
"Are Paul and Amy alive?" Jane asked.  
  
"Yes. At least they were a few hours ago when I saw them," William said.  
  
"How did they kidnap you?" the Doctor asked.  
  
"I entered a Paul McCartney lookalike contest and won. They took down my name and address and about three months later, some men came round to my house. When I opened the door, they overpowered me, knocked me out and took me to their hideout. They told me that I might have to replace Paul if they had to kill him at some point. I was horrified. I'm a huge fan of the Beatles but they began to torture me and give me drugs and I think they hypnotized me as well."  
  
Everyone gave him a sympathetic look.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry about Paul and Amy. I wanted to help but they did something to me where I couldn't help myself, let alone them," he said, imploring them to understand. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to replace Paul. Isn't there something you can do to help them?"  
  
"That's what we're trying to do," the Doctor said gently, putting his hand on his shoulder. "But we need your help, can you guide us back to this hideout."  
  
"I think so, if I can't he can," he said, gesturing to Yakamoto.  
  
The Doctor nodded and patted his shoulder.  
  
"Don't worry, William. You're in good hands now," the Doctor said, getting up and helping him to his feet.  
  
"I'm sorry," William said, his eyes pleading, "I didn't know what I was doing. They have very powerful methods of mind control. I honestly don't want to replace Paul."  
  
John came up and put his hand on his shoulder.  
  
"I believe ya, mate," he said. "Just tell us where Paul and Amy are, yeah? You're safe now."  
  
William nodded.  
  
"They never blindfolded me when they took me out so I think I can show you the way," he said to them.  
  
"Brilliant," the Doctor said. "But I have an idea. I think we'll take my vehicle and I believe I have a way to get Mister Yakamoto to tell us where they're being kept. He should be unconscious long enough for us to go back to my TARDIS. In the meantime, Mr. and Mrs. Asher and Jane, we'll let you know if we find anything."  
  
"No, I'm going as well," Jane said.  
  
"Janie, it's not safe," her mother said.  
  
"I don't care. Paul's in danger and I want to make sure we get him and Amy away from these bastards. Don't worry, mum, the boys'll look after me."  
  
"We'll protect her, I give you my word," the Doctor said to Mrs. Asher.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Just find them and come back safely," she said.  
  
"We will," the Doctor said. "Now…someone grab our friend there. William, come with us. We've no time to lose!"  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	19. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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[Eleventh Doctor](http://www.whofic.com/categories.php?catid=18)  
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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88334) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88334)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=19) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Nineteen  
  
Paul and Amy followed Angela back to the infirmary. While they were walking, Paul glanced up, wondering if they were watching them. He knew they could hear him but could they see him? He decided to risk it and poked Amy in the arm.  
  
"I wonder if she'll help us escape?" he mouthed to her when Amy looked his way.  
  
"Dunno," she mouthed back. "Can we trust her?"  
  
"Not sure but we have to take a risk at some point," Paul mouthed back.  
  
They stopped when Angela reached the door of her infirmary. She opened it and they went inside. Paul and Amy froze when they saw Mister Brown and Jones lying motionless on two gurneys by the x-ray scanner.  
  
"Are they asleep?" Paul asked Angela as he pointed to them.  
  
"No, they're dead. They've been executed."  
  
"What? Why?" Paul said in horror.  
  
"Disobeying orders. They had orders to kill you and when they brought you back alive, they were punished."  
  
Both Amy and Paul were flabbergasted, both at the murders and how nonchalant Angela was.  
  
"So if we're supposed to be dead, how come we're alive then?" Paul said.  
  
"Because obviously the masters see you as useful."  
  
"Then why kill them if we're useful," Amy said angrily. "Obviously, they did the right thing if this lot changed their minds."  
  
"But they still disobeyed their orders which is why they were put to death."  
  
"This place is a madhouse," Paul said, shaking his head. "How do you stay alive in this place when they have so many daft, illogical rules?"  
  
"You have to obey orders, dear. That's your biggest priority right now."  
  
Paul snorted softly. He looked at Amy and rolled his eyes when Angela turned away.  
  
"So now that you killed them, you need help disposing of the bodies, is that why we're here?" Paul said as they walked up to the gurneys.  
  
"I didn't kill em, dear. I just prepare the bodies for burial and no, I'm done with everything. There's nothing you need to do right now. Just have some tea and relax."  
  
"Again with offering us food and drink," he said to Amy.  
  
"What's that, love?" Angela said, looking over her shoulder.  
  
"We were just told that they have been slipping mind control drugs to people without their permission and I'm pretty sure one way they do it is putting the stuff in food. Since we had that meeting with Satan, we've been offered food and drink in our cell and now you're offering us tea. Is the tea laced with something?" Paul said.  
  
"I don't know what you mean," Angela said.  
  
"Has someone put a chemical in the tea so we'll start hallucinating or fall under their control or something like that," Paul said in exasperation.  
  
"No, not to my knowledge. I made that tea myself and I've been here all day. It's perfectly safe, I assure you, so go and have some."  
  
Paul glanced at Amy and they went and fixed themselves a couple of cups of tea. They carried the Styrofoam cups with them back to the gurney.  
  
"Here goes nothing," Paul said, pointing to the cup. "Beat me over the head if I suddenly act barmy."  
  
"Gee, don't you usually act barmy," Amy teased as he took a sip.  
  
"Not always," he said with a grin. "I have my moments of seriousness in the day…all two minutes of it."  
  
She chuckled as he winked at her. He took a sip while he stared at the bodies.  
  
"Poor bastards. I'm sure they were brainwashed as well and now they've paid for it with their lives. Past few days I've seen more death than I have in my entire life."  
  
He took another sip and looked over Mister Brown's body. He frowned and looked at Amy.  
  
"Not trying to be morbid but how did they die?" he said softly. "I don't see any bullet holes, his neck looks fine and his head's still there."  
  
Amy took a sip and bent over slightly to look at him. She didn't see any blood anywhere or any wounds of any kind. Nonplussed, she walked behind Paul and came up on his other side. She stared at his head and then she suddenly leaned forward and stared at his forehead.  
  
"Um…I think I see something," Amy said to Paul who leaned in beside her.  
  
She pointed to a tiny round mark in between his eyes the size of a pinprick.  
  
"What's that?" Paul said.  
  
"Dunno, looks like someone stabbed him there with something."  
  
"Angela, how did they die?" Paul said, leaning back up.  
  
"They penetrated their foreheads with a laser and fried their brains.  
  
"Laser?" Paul said. "What's a laser?"  
  
"Um," Amy said, straightening up, "it's like a concentrated beam of light. They use it for a lot of things but one of the things it can do is cut through things like a knife."  
  
"A light knife?" Paul said, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"Something like that. And you can make the beam very tiny which is why the wound is very small," Amy said, pointing to Brown's forehead.  
  
"They do that if the executions take place in here," Angela said. "Less of a mess to clean up."  
  
"Oh, but outside they have no problem spraying blood all over the fucking place," Paul said angrily.  
  
"Language, dear," Angela said.  
  
Paul rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yes, mum," he muttered while Amy giggled softly. "I don't want to swear and end up with a laser thingy through my forehead, that wouldn't be cricket, would it?"  
  
They walked away from the bodies and sat down in a couple of seats.  
  
"Well then, if we're not needed here, I s'pose we'll chat then," Paul said. "Where are you from? How long you been here?"  
  
"I'm from Sheffield. As for how long I've been here, not sure how long but it's been years," she replied.  
  
"So that's why you didn't know Paul?" Amy said.  
  
Angela frowned.  
  
"No, should I?" she said.  
  
Amy and Paul shared a glance.  
  
"What year were you taken?" Paul asked.  
  
"October 7th, 1960."  
  
"Ah, well, that's before we become well known," Paul said to Amy.  
  
"You're famous, love?" Angela said, looking back at him.  
  
"That's the understatement of the bloody year," Amy murmured while Paul snickered.  
  
"Yes, I am famous. I'm part of a rock and roll group called The Beatles," he said.  
  
"Oh, how nice," Angela said, smiling at him.  
  
"They didn't tell you that?" Paul asked.  
  
"They don't tell me much of anything, dear. And you'll find you'll have it easier around here if you don't ask too many questions."  
  
"And what about William," Paul said. "You have medical training. Are you the one who'll perform the plastic surgery?"  
  
"No, there are two doctors who do that. I assist them and you'll be doing the same now."  
  
"I have to assist someone who's making someone else look like me?" Paul said.  
  
"Yes, it's not that hard. They don't ask you to do too much, just pass them surgical implements."  
  
"No, no," Paul said, holding up his hands, "I'm saying I'm helping to create my own double."  
  
"Yes," Angela said.  
  
"And you don't find that odd?" Paul said. "You don't have a problem with them ruining this man's face so he becomes someone else?"  
  
She didn't reply but Paul and Amy saw the guilt on her face. Paul looked around and noticed a pad of paper and pencil on her desk. He walked over, took both and began to write something while Amy got up and followed him. Angela walked over and Paul gave her the pad of paper. She took it and read…  
  
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO ESCAPE? OBVIOUSLY, YOU OBJECT TO WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO WILLIAM.  
  
Angela held out her hand and he gave her the pencil. She wrote something and handed it back to him.  
  
NO, I HAVEN'T TRIED TO ESCAPE. I'VE SEEN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE TRY IT. AND YES, I OBJECT TO WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO WILLIAM BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM.  
  
Paul and Amy read that. Paul leaned into Amy's ear.  
  
"Better keep a conversation going if we do this. If they hear too much silence they might get suspicious."  
  
Amy nodded and took the paper and pencil from him.  
  
"Why did they take you then?" Amy said while she wrote something. "What is their interest in ya?"  
  
"They needed medical staff. I was taken from Oxford University while I was reading to be a nurse. I was nearly finished and was about to graduate when they took me."  
  
"And that's why they took the plastic surgeons?" Paul said as Amy finished writing and handed the pad to Angela. "They just needed people who could perform all these surgeries?"  
  
"And take care of any injuries that came up," Angela said before looking at the paper.  
  
WE HAVE A FRIEND CALLED THE DOCTOR. HE CAN HELP. HE CAN RESCUE US AND STOP SATAN AND HIS FRIENDS. BUT WE HAVE TO GET A MESSAGE TO HIM SOMEHOW. IS THERE A WAY TO GET ONE TO HIM OR COMMUNICATE WITH HIM?"  
  
Paul leaned over, read what she had written and nodded in agreement with what she had written. Angela thought for a moment and began to write. She finished writing and gave the pad back to them.  
  
IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE BUT IT WOULD BE RISKY. IF WE'RE CAUGHT, WE'LL BE KILLED.  
  
Paul glanced at Amy. He wrote something and handed the pad back to Angela when he was done.  
  
YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR NEARLY 6 YEARS. YOU REALLY WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN CAPTIVITY? I'D RATHER RISK IT AND DIE THAN GROW OLD IN THIS PLACE. ISN'T THE CHANCE OF FREEDOM, HOWEVER SLIM, WORTH THE RISK?  
  
Paul handed it back to Angela. She read it and to their relief, nodded.  
  
"So are you in?" Paul mouthed to her. "Will you escape with us?"  
  
Angela thought for a moment and nodded. She wrote something down and handed it to them.  
  
THERE IS A ROOM WHERE THEY CAN COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR AGENTS. I KNOW WHERE IT IS BUT THE PROBLEM IS IT'S HEAVILY GUARDED AND WE'LL BE WATCHED OUTSIDE THIS ROOM. WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR AN OPPORTUNITY BUT YOU'RE RIGHT. I'D RATHER DIE THAN BE HERE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.  
  
Paul and Amy read it and smiled. Paul wrote something and handed it back to her.  
  
WE'LL FIND A WAY. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WAIT FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO PRESENT ITSELF. WE JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	20. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88346) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88346)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=20) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Twenty  
  
The Beatles stared at the police box in confusion.  
  
"What's this?" John said, pointing to it.  
  
"This is my magnificent ship," the Doctor said.  
  
"It's a bleedin' police box," Ringo said.  
  
"Only from the outside," Rory said.  
  
"What's that s'posed to mean?" George said.  
  
The Doctor pulled out his key and unlocked the door. He threw open the door.  
  
"Come inside," he said.  
  
John was about to make a quip about being crowded but they could see through the door and their mouths dropped open when they saw the interior.  
  
"What the hell is this?" John said.  
  
He carried Yakamoto in while the others followed them. Rory chuckled and the Doctor smiled at the stunned expressions on everyone's faces.  
  
"Say it's bigger on the inside, he waits for that," Rory said while the Doctor chuckled.  
  
"How are you doing this?" George said. "It's a police box on the outside."  
  
"Yes it is and it has to do with different dimensions but we don't have time for that. John, come with me, I want to probe our friend's mind, I think that'll be a quicker solution than asking William to remember the directions."  
  
"See ya later when I get back from my acid trip," John said to his friends before following the Doctor towards the back door.  
  
While Rory closed the door, Jane looked back at William and noticed he was standing apart from everyone else, a sad look on his face. Her heart went out to him and she walked over. She noticed the alarmed look on his face and she took his hand to prevent him from running away. He bowed his head in shame.  
  
"I'm sorry for all of this," he said softly to her.  
  
"There's nothing to be sorry for. You were a prisoner like Paul and Amy are," she said, squeezing his hand. "It's alright, William. No one's blamin' you for this."  
  
"I tried to resist but after all the torture they put me through and the drugs…"  
  
"I understand and I'm sorry they did that to you," she said. "I'm glad the Doctor helped you come to your senses so you can help us rescue Paul and Amy."  
  
She kissed his cheek when he nodded and led him over to the group. Rory, seeing that the Doctor might be awhile with Yakamoto, decided to lead them back to the kitchen so they could have some tea while they waited. He took them back to the kitchen, showed them where everything was and then walked back to the console room to wait for him to return.  
  
Meanwhile, Paul and Amy sat and chatted with each other in the infirmary while Angela filled out some paperwork. Another man had stopped by and told them that they would send a cart around so they could load the bodies up and then instead of burial, they were to be taken to the incinerator. They had already passed the pad of paper back and forth, proposing to try an escape when they went to burn the bodies since the incinerator room wasn't as heavily guarded as other areas in the building. Paul reasoned that if they worked together and used the element of surprise, they might be able to overpower the guards, take their keys and make their escape. Or he also reasoned at the very least, find the communicator room and send a message to the Doctor about their location.  
  
In the meantime, they waited for someone to come and tell them it was time to transport the bodies. Angela found an old crossword puzzle book and Amy was working some of the crosswords in order to keep busy. Paul was doodling on the pad of paper, making amusing drawings that he occasionally showed to Amy in order to get her to laugh. The last time she looked he looked like he was writing something and Amy left him alone, figuring he might be working on a new song. After a half hour, Amy looked down when Paul slipped a folded piece of paper into her lap. She put her crossword book down and looked at it. She smiled when the top part of the paper had Amy on it with a cartoon version of her head, complete with wide eyes and open mouth. She giggled at that and opened it up, finding a note inside. Paul gave her a sideways glance while she started reading it.  
  
Amy,  
  
I'm bored and when I'm bored, I tend to think, perhaps a bit too much at times but hey, that's how I come up with most of my song ideas. But anyway, I've been thinking about the past couple of days and how much you've become a part of my life. You've made captivity bearable for me and you've become a great friend and a confidant. I enjoy hearing all about how I died and all the daft death clues you know about. Perhaps we'll be able to escape here and then I can say that the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated but if not, at least I had the pleasure of meeting you and the Doctor and Rory before I went to the big rock concert in the sky.  
  
The reason I'm writing this is because I want to ask you something, my little guardian. I know that you are with Rory and I'm with Jane so marriage is right out unless you're into polygamy, hee hee. But I do care for you, my little ginger gal, and I wanted to ask you if I could unofficially adopt you as my sister. You see, I've never had one, just a pesky younger brother and I would like to keep you in my life even if that just means that you come back to see me sometimes in your travels with the Doctor. I know that it's your destiny to travel time and space with him but I can't bear the thought of you getting in this TARDIS with them and never seeing you again. I figure if you're my sister you'll have to come back sometime, right? Christmas, New Years, Bonfire Night, you know, all the major holidays. You don't have to answer yes but if you don't want to be my sister, at least be my lifelong friend.  
  
A very bored and extremely needy,  
  
Paul McCartney.  
  
P.S. Still think the lads look like Easter Eggs in those poncy outfits. Glad I wasn't a part of that, hee hee.  
  
Amy giggled at that and Paul looked at her expectantly when she folded up the note. She got up from her seat and gave him a kiss on the forehead.  
  
"You will not look like an Easter egg, big brother," she said.  
  
Paul's face brightened at that and he kissed her forehead.  
  
"Big? How old are you?"  
  
"22."  
  
"Ah, the same age as my brother then. Great, two pesky younger siblings, ugh."  
  
Amy giggled and kissed his cheek before giving him a hug.  
  
"Bonfire Night is a major holiday, eh?" she said.  
  
"Sure is. I love me a big bonfire! Burn, baby, burn!"  
  
She laughed and hugged him again.  
  
"Enjoy it, Pond. Not everyone gets to have a Beatle brother," Paul said with a wink.  
  
He thought for a moment.  
  
"Beatle Brother, that sounds like a good idea. We hire ourselves out to people so they can say I'm their brother for a day. Make some extra cash on top of the millions I already have. It's ingenious!"  
  
Amy laughed when he let out an evil laugh.  
  
"Beatle Brothers, I'll be rich," he said as he followed Amy over to the tea trolley.  
  
"What about me? I'm a Beatle sister now right?"  
  
"Nah, you're not official so you can't participate."  
  
He sniggered when Amy smacked his chest.  
  
"Yup, I can already tell we're siblings," Paul said as he and Amy made fresh cups of tea.  
  
"Are you hungry, dears?" Angela asked when she noticed them over at the trolley.  
  
"Um, a little bit. I haven't eaten since last night," Paul said to her.  
  
"Would you like some biscuits? I promise you they aren't laced with anything," she said.  
  
"Sure," Paul said while Amy nodded in agreement.  
  
Angela opened a cupboard and took down two boxes of biscuits; one was chocolate chip and the other oatmeal. She brought them over to the trolley and both of them thanked her when she set them down. Paul opened the chocolate chip biscuit box and both he and Amy took one each before they stirred their tea. Once they were finished, they took the boxes back with them to their chairs, setting them down between the chairs while they sat down.  
  
"Biscuits, yum," Paul said while they chewed them. "At least one thing around here is safe to eat. Ah, life is good. Being a captive, sitting on my arse sharing biscuits with my newly adopted sister, couldn't get any better than this."  
  
"If you say so," Amy said while he waggled his eyebrows.  
  
"Hey, gotta keep my spirits up, after all I have Easter egg suits to look forward to if I get out of here," he said in a hushed voice.  
  
Amy gave him a mischievous look.  
  
"And after that, magical mystery tours and being the walrus," she said innocently.  
  
She laughed when Paul froze with his mouth on the biscuit. He took it out of his mouth.  
  
"Dare I ask?" he said while she snickered. "Wait, walrus…oh God, not…"  
  
"Yeah, I recognized those song lyrics you quoted. The one that mentions the monkey finger is called Come Together and the walrus one is I Am the Walrus. John sings both of them."  
  
Paul snickered.  
  
"John was the one who hated them the most. Apparently they figured that out and made him sing those songs to torture him. Aaaah, but come now, Pond, what is this magical mystery tour you speak of?"  
  
"Um, it was a film they made."  
  
"Film? They make more?"  
  
"Yeah, that and one called Yellow Submarine. Oh! And Let It Be, but that was more a concert film, not a film with a plot."  
  
"Mmm, okay, out with it, Madam Time Traveler, what's the plot of the mystery tour one?"  
  
"Um, the Beatles hire a large coach and dub it the Magical Mystery Tour and they drive around doing silly things and having adventures."  
  
She laughed when Paul gave her a long, hard stare.  
  
"Mm-hmm," he said when she laughed harder. "That's the plot of this film, eh?"  
  
"Yeah, the four of you just take a lot of weirdos around in a coach and…have shenanigans."  
  
"Mm-hmm," Paul said while Amy giggled. "We lure a lot of weirdoes onto a bus and drive them somewhere."  
  
"Pretty much, yeah. There's the Beatles, a lot of strangers and Ringo's Aunt Jessie."  
  
"Ringo doesn't have an Aunt Jessie."  
  
"That's what he called her in the film."  
  
"I don't care what he called her; he doesn't have an Aunt Jessie. Unless you got the name wrong, what does she look like?"  
  
"Um, if I remember right, she was fat, very fat with black curly hair."  
  
"Nope, sorry, Sis. No fat bitch Jessie in Ringo's family," he said while Amy laughed. "I've met most of Ringo's family and he doesn't have a rotund Aunt Jessie. Maybe they had an actress playing the part of his Aunt Jessie but no actual Aunt Jessie. But anyway, me mates and William take a bunch of loonies for a bus ride."  
  
"Yeah and you see different things and do different things, including the I Am the Walrus song where you all get dressed up in fur and animal masks and stand around singing it."  
  
She laughed when Paul gave her another long, hard stare.  
  
"I repeat for the billionth time, I was so glad I was dead when this was going on," he said. "Fat bitches, animal costumes…"  
  
"The fool on the hill," Amy said.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What Mister Brown said to you when we were lying on the hill, it's from a song called The Fool on the Hill and it's from that film."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, it's…William and he's walking along this hill and being a fool and bouncing around it like a bunny."  
  
She laughed when Paul gave her another long stare.  
  
"I love how all this daft shit was done in my name," he said, shaking his head. "Not enough I was murdered by nutters, they had to go and make poor William hop down a bleedin' hill like the Easter Bunny, which I s'pose ties into the whole Easter egg outfits they had to wear. Sounds like a real winner of a film to me."  
  
"And the walrus is another death clue. Because John says he's the walrus and then in another song, he says, no, you're the walrus."  
  
"And walruses mean death, is that it?"  
  
"Mm-hmm."  
  
"Amy, is there anything in this world that doesn't mean death?" he said. "Okay, I s'pose a walrus is black and black means death. Oh! I got it! Walruses are lazy, slothful buggers who barely move at all. They lay about on the beach all day in one spot and people sometimes see their non-moving carcasses and think they're dead! I figured it out!" he said while Amy laughed. "So I'm the fool on the hill and the walrus, okey dokey, I'll go along with that. What about the other film. I do know the Yellow Submarine song, that was on Rubber Soul. So…it's about a yellow submarine and we load loonies into it and go through the ocean doing silly things?"  
  
Amy laughed.  
  
"No, actually it's an animated film. The Beatles aren't in it except for this one little bit at the very end."  
  
"Really? Animated? Hmm…oh…shit…"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"When you mean animated, it's not that daft, crappy cartoon they made for kids? The one where we look like shit and have crappy non-British accents?"  
  
"Um…I'm not sure; I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"They made this cartoon for children where we act silly but they drew us in a really shitty way. They over exaggerated my eyes so I look drugged and gave me buck teeth I don't have. Ringo's nose covered most of his face and he was a dimwit, which he isn't. They didn't use our regular accents because they were afraid if it were shown in American, the yanks wouldn't understand what we were saying so they used these weird psudeo-half accents that don't sound like any British accent anywhere. We all hate the piece of rubbish and don't want anything to do with it. Is this a film using those characters?"  
  
"I don't think so. Your character has small eyes but they have black around them like you put eyeliner on and you have a small nose and this part that comes right down in the center of your hair and…you have buck teeth, I think."  
  
"Do I look like I have buck teeth? What is it with animators thinking I have buck teeth? And eyeliner? Who the hell came up with that idea? I'm not a girl."  
  
"Well, all the Beatles are weird looking and the whole film's kinda surreal."  
  
"Like it was influenced by LSD?"  
  
"Pretty much, yeah."  
  
"So I die and these two acid trip films are released. I would say it's all part of their devious plan but then again…there were some surreal moments in Help. The exciting adventures of me on the floor comes to mind."  
  
He winked when Amy laughed at that. Amy leaned in.  
  
"If we get out of here," she whispered. "You'll have to come in the TARDIS and I'll show you the Doctor's Beatles collection. He's got both those films plus all your albums, I saw them."  
  
"Really? So I'll get to see something else besides Sergeant Pepper then?"  
  
"Yeah. The Doctor told me once that the inside of the TARDIS exists separately from regular time and space. So if something changes in time, nothing changes in the TARDIS."  
  
"So, if history changes and I end up staying with the band, these films and things that William did with them will still be there in his TARDIS."  
  
"Yeah, I think so."  
  
Paul chuckled.  
  
"Then, Sis, remind me if we get out of here to ask the Doctor to have a look at his Beatles room."  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	21. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88348) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88348)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=21) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Twenty One  
  
After probing Mister Yakamoto's mind and determining the location of the hideout, the Doctor hurried back to the console room and started up the TARDIS. The others stood around it, everyone except Rory staring at the rotor in awe. The Doctor put in the location he got from Yakamoto's mind and stepped back when he was done.  
  
"Right, I have something for all of you," he said to them as he put his hand in his pocket, "I made some of these a few years ago and they worked so well, I thought I'd keep some on hand in case we need them again."  
  
He pulled out a bunch of TARDIS keys that were on silver necklace chains.  
  
"These are called perception filters," he said, passing them out to everyone. "They're gonna help us sneak into this place undetective so we can rescue our friends."  
  
He explained how they worked while he and everyone else put them around their necks.  
  
"And you're sure they won't be able to see us," George said when he finished his explanation.  
  
"Not unless you draw attention to yourselves," he said to them. "So you must stay quiet and try not to bump into anything. Hopefully, we can slip in and out with Paul and Amy but if not, we can use these to ambush anyone who's attacking them."  
  
The TARDIS landed and powered down.  
  
"What about this thing?" Ringo said. "Won't they see it?"  
  
"Usually they won't, it also has a perception filter on it."  
  
"Usually?" John said.  
  
"Well, people can see it if they know it's there and want to see it. Most people pass by it without a second glance. You lot were expecting to see it which is why you did. Now…enough talk, let's see where we are and find Paul and Amy."  
  
Finally, two men came to inform Angela that the bodies were ready for disposal.  
  
"We're trusting you to keep an eye on them," the man said, gesturing to Amy and Paul. "You know what'll happen if they get away or you help them get away.""  
  
"I'm well aware of the consequences, they're with me and they won't get away."  
  
When the man turned away, Paul looked at Amy and raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Hope that was just a bluff," Paul mouthed to her.  
  
Amy squeezed his hand before Angela turned. The men left behind a little metal cart when they went away. Angela, Paul and Amy grabbed the bodies, carried them out and set them inside the cart. Once both bodies were loaded, Angela shut the door and she and Paul pushed the cart down the hall with Amy following behind. While they walked, Amy saw an occasional person but so far, they weren't that many and that gave Amy hope that perhaps they could get away or get help. She was sure if Angela had been bluffing or not or whether her courage would give out at the last minute but she knew Paul was going to do it and that gave her the courage to carry out their plan.  
  
They reached the incinerator room and Angela opened the door. Both Paul and Amy reeled back when the smell of burnt flesh wafted out of the room and hit their noses. Angela noticed them and nodded.  
  
"Yes, it smells bad in here which is why we need to be in and out as quickly as we can."  
  
She paused a moment and smiled.  
  
"And that's why there aren't many guards in here," she mouthed to them.  
  
Amy smiled knowing that Angela was definitely on their side now. She squeezed Paul's hand and they helped wheel the cart into the room. Angela let them pass and then looked around before shutting the door behind them.  
  
Meanwhile, the Doctor and the others came out of an empty room where the TARDIS had landed. They looked around and came out completely when they didn't see anyone. The Doctor took hold of William's hand and gently brought him to the front of the group.  
  
"Where is the most likely place for them to be kept?" he whispered to William.  
  
"I'm pretty sure they're keeping them in one of the rooms the other doubles used to occupy," he said softly.  
  
"Others?" the Doctor said.  
  
"Yes, there were doubles prepared for all the Beatles," William said softly as the Beatles, Jane and Rory shared a look.  
  
"Where are they then if the rooms are empty?" the Doctor said softly.  
  
"They weren't needed anymore when they chose me so they incinerated the others."  
  
A collective gasp rose up from the group. Jane put her hand over her mouth as her eyes misted over and Rory put his arm around her while John shook his head.  
  
"I hope these bastards end up in the same place as these other blokes," he muttered.  
  
The Doctor sighed, keeping his anger in check. They had more important things to worry about at the moment. He asked William to lead them to the rooms. William nodded and everyone followed him down the hallway.  
  
They walked out of one building into the warehouse part. Everyone looked around at the satanic symbols except for the Doctor and William who were both walking purposefully across the room. Then suddenly, the Doctor stopped William and everyone stopped behind them when a door opened behind an altar. The Beatles did a double take and Rory had to quickly cover Jane's mouth before she let out a loud gasp at the two demonic creatures that were coming out of the room. They stood by quietly and listened while the demon with the bigger horns shut his door and turned to the other.  
  
"Martok, I need you to go to the incinerator room," he said to him.  
  
"Why, Commander? I don't like the stench in there, burning flesh makes me nauseous."  
  
"Nevertheless, I need you to go there now. Paul, Amy and Angela went to dispose of the bodies of Mister Brown and Jones. I want you to throw the three of them in after they get done."  
  
The Doctor held up his hand for silence when he sensed the Beatles and Jane were about to say something.  
  
"Why are you killing them, Commander? I thought you needed them."  
  
"Because I suspect the three of them are plotting treachery and trying to escape from here. Call it a hunch since I heard a lot of whispering in the infirmary earlier. I can't have them escaping and foiling our plans. I want them dead before they get out."  
  
"As you wish, Commander," Martok said with a bow.  
  
The Doctor pointed to Martok as he walked away and beckoned to everyone to follow. They nodded and everyone followed behind him once he went past them and headed back into the building.  
  
Paul made a face when he helped Amy and Angela load Mister Brown's body in after Mister Jones. The stench was overpowering and he wondered if undertakers had to deal with the same thing when they cremated the dead. While he stepped away from the incinerator, he glanced around. There were five incinerators along the wall, the rest of the room was empty except for one desk with a home computer on top of it which impressed Paul since the only computers he'd ever seen were photos of some that were as big as the room they were in. Around the computer was paperwork, pens, staple and other office supplies. There were a couple of garage doors off to their left and two men were standing up against the walls beside them. Paul smiled. Two men, that was it. He thought if they suddenly rushed them, maybe rammed the back of their heads into the concrete walls; they could get out through the garage doors. He tried to act casual while they prepared to take the cart outside.  
  
Then, to their horror, the door flew open and Martok entered.  
  
"Ah, good, you've finished burning the bodies. Excellent. He said, quickly closing the door and locking it. "And now that you've done that, all of you are going to join them."  
  
Angela gasped and Paul got her and Amy behind him.  
  
"So, we've outlived our usefulness," Paul said to him as they started to back up.  
  
"That and the master suspects treachery from all of you and I'm inclined to agree. You should have died in that car crash, you and that red haired bitch. So now we're going to correct the problem at last. Guards! Come and restrain them!"  
  
Paul, Amy and Angela looked behind them and the guards sped up when the three of them ran towards the desk. Martok followed them. Amy ran to the home computer. She jerked the cords out of the back of the monitor, picked it up and heaved it at the guards. One of them dodged but the other guard grunted when the monitor hit his chest. He toppled backwards while Paul turned and swung his fist, delivering a haymaker to the other guard who staggered back and fell on his ass. Angela grabbed the chair behind the desk while Amy grabbed the keyboard and held it in both hands like a baseball bat. Martok sneered at them and the three of them ducked and weaved and backed away while he and the guards tried to grab at them. All of them were so busy fighting that they didn't see the door opening, seemingly on its own and then close again. Finally, Martok and the guards got in close enough to punch Paul and the others. When they stumbled back, dazed, they fell on them and pulled them to their feet.  
  
"Nice try, apes, but in the end we were far more powerful than you," Martok sneered. "And now at last the Paul is Dead legend will come true. The three of you will burn alive but don't worry; the pain will be brief compared to the torture Satan could have ordered for you. Now, take them to the incinerators!"  
  
Paul struggled in Martok's grip while Angela and Amy fought against the guards.  
  
Then suddenly, they heard someone yell out, "No!" and suddenly William appeared from thin air along with everyone else. Martok and the guards were so shocked that William managed to punch Martok while the others fell on him and everyone else. John punched Martok after William and that was enough to release his grip on Paul. He wriggled away, turned and joined John, George and William while they punched Martok. Paul looked at William and smiled when he noticed he was lucid now.  
  
"Welcome back, mate," he said to William.  
  
Martok grunted when the Doctor smacked him in the back of the head with the chair and he fell to his knees. He looked over when Satan entered the room followed by several guards.  
  
"I don't know what's going on in here but all of you will die!" Satan said.  
  
The fighters looked at each other. By this time, the guards were unconscious and Martok was struggling to fight off the effects of the chair to the head. Jane spied the monitor nearby and while the others rushed to fight Satan and the guards, she grabbed it and dropped it on top of Martok's head. Martok grunted and fell over unconscious.  
  
"That's for kidnapping Paul and Amy and ruining William's life!" she snarled at him.  
  
She noticed the others were punching the guards and Satan, taking no notice of her in the free for all. A few of the humans were unconscious but there were still four of them left along with Satan. She looked at the chair and looked at Satan who had her back to her while he tried to fight the Doctor, Rory, John and Paul all at once. She grabbed the chair and used the confusion of the fight to run up to him and smack him in the head with it. Satan grunted and the others backed up when he fell over unconscious.  
  
"That's my girl!" Paul said proudly.  
  
By now, only two guards were left standing and both of them froze when they saw their master go down.  
  
"Oh, you lot backed the wrong horse," John said as everyone rushed them and quickly knocked them unconscious.  
  
Once they were down and out, Rory embraced Amy while Paul hugged Jane. Both couples shared a kiss while the Doctor walked to the desk and grabbed the hard drive.  
  
"I think we need to take this and any other hard drives in this place so we can find out how extensive their network really is," the Doctor said as he walked back to them.  
  
He smiled when Amy ran to him and he embraced her with one arm.  
  
"Don't go walking anywhere without me, lesson learned?" he teased.  
  
He smiled when Amy gave his arm a playful smack and he gave her a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Right," he said to everyone, "let's round up everyone here, imprison them on the TARDIS and find anything that will tell us about their organization and what they've been doing and then we can finally leave this place."  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
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	22. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88351) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88351)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=22) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Twenty Two  
  
After they rounded up everyone and put them in holding cells on the TARDIS until they could be sorted out, they went back and went through Satan's office and grabbed the hard drive of his computer and any files and photos they could find. They then made a search of the building and when they felt they had gotten everything relevant they could find, Rory and Paul put their arms around their women and all of them headed back to the TARDIS.  
  
While the Doctor went back to interrogate the prisoners, he told everyone else to relax and eat and not to worry about anything. Rory and Amy led them back to the kitchen while the Doctor went to the holding cells. They rummaged through the refrigerator and started making sandwiches while they got crisps out of the cupboards and milk and soda from the fridge. While they were doing that, Paul introduced Angela to everyone. It was while they were in the kitchen that Amy and Rory finally saw the Beatles loosen up enough that they became as playful as they were in the movies. Paul and George laughed while John chased Ringo around with a knife that had mustard on it, trying to shove it up his nose. While they were doing that, Paul announced to everyone that Amy was now his adopted sister.  
  
"Are you sure, Paulie?" John said as he grabbed Amy from behind, "sure this isn't some ruse to get close to her so you can have multiple girlfriends and she can be married to two men."  
  
"I don't think so, Lennon," Paul said as John ticked Amy and kissed her cheek when she laughed.  
  
While they were playing around, Paul noticed William sitting with Angela at the kitchen table, silently watching. Paul walked over to William and put his hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Listen, mate, you and I are sorta connected now and I would really like to help you," he said to him. "What they did to you was disgusting and I want to make sure you're healed from all this since I was indirectly the reason why you got mixed up with that lot. So if you don't mind, I can find you a place to stay and if you don't want to go back to Scotland, I can find some work for you, perhaps helping us out. We always need roadies or bodyguards or just people to hang out with. Sound good?"  
  
"I'd like that. I've been missing now for awhile and it would feel strange going back home. I'd rather stay in London."  
  
"I know what you mean," Paul said. "And you, Angela?"  
  
"I think I'm gonna go back home. My family probably misses me and I'm ready to finish my studies and become a real nurse."  
  
"Good, I'm glad. Thanks for helping us, both of you."  
  
"Well, you're right. We had to gather up the courage and fight back sooner or later. I didn't feel like growing old and dying in that place any more than you did."  
  
"I'm glad it turned out well and we got out of there alive," Paul said.  
  
He grinned.  
  
"And!" he said, raising his voice above the din. "I was privy to a lot of information about our future, courtesy of my cellmate here and she promised me a peek at the Doctor's Beatle room if we escaped."  
  
"Really? Well, lead on, Pond, I wanna see what debauchery we get into," John said.  
  
Amy laughed. They all grabbed their plates and glasses and followed her. On the way to the room, Paul slowed down until he got in between John and George. John nudged Paul with his elbow as they walked along.  
  
"Good to have ya back, Paulie," John said. "No one can replace ya."  
  
Paul beamed at that. Amy glanced back and smiled when he saw Paul surrounded by his best friends, smiling contentedly as he was surrounded by their love.  
  
Twenty minutes later, the Beatles room was filled with hysterical laughter. There was a poster of the Sergeant Pepper album cover and Paul was using it to inform his friends about the death clues. William was beside him and he was staring at himself in disbelief, hardly able to believe that was him with the other Beatles.  
  
"You know what, mates," John said when he finished explaining the album clues. "I think we should go ahead and do this, just for a laugh. Sort of an inside joke between us."  
  
Everyone laughed when Paul rolled his eyes.  
  
"I told my sister over there I didn't want to look like an Easter egg!" he said, pointing to Amy.  
  
"Yeah, well, I'll look like one just to see you look like one, mate!" John crowed as Paul wacked him in the head with the poster. "Actually, we do know some good makeup artists; we oughta make William up for an even bigger laugh and let him be you on the cover."  
  
"Me?" William said. "You want me to get the plastic surgery done."  
  
"No, no, no!" John said, coming over to him and putting his arm around him. "No, keep your face. We've done a couple of films and we know the people who did our makeup. They're very good at what they do and they could make you up to look like Paul without having to use plastic surgery. It's your decision, of course. But we love having a laugh and we love inside jokes and after seeing this, I think it would be funny to have you stand in for Paulie, at least just this once."  
  
"Unless…" Ringo said, coming up beside him, "you could be his full time double and get into makeup on occasion and make public appearances for him."  
  
"Yeah!" John said while everyone laughed. "You could help Paulie out when he doesn't feel like opening supermarkets and shopping centers."  
  
"Don't listen to them, William. They're nutters. You don't have to double for me if you don't want!" Paul said.  
  
"Just don't make a mistake and marry his girl, that would be embarrassing," John said to William with a wink, "But…Oi, quit wacking me over the head with the bloody poster, Paulie! I'm gonna beat you to death with that Ringo plushie over there if you don't stop."  
  
"Why don't you beat him to death with your own plushie?" Ringo asked.  
  
"Because you have a bigger nose and it'll hurt more," John said as everyone laughed.  
  
He patted William on the shoulder.  
  
"But I do agree with Paul, stay with us for awhile at least as our guest and friend. You probably need some rest after all this."  
  
"Thank you," William said humbly while everyone smiled.  
  
Paul looked at Amy and slapped his hands together.  
  
"So, what else is there? You mentioned two very freaky sounding films, where are those?"  
  
The Doctor was tired. He had managed to interrogate Satan and Martok and got some information from them using hypnosis techniques that were similar to the ones they employed but much more powerful. The other men he learned were brainwashed and he was going to help heal their minds before finding out where they belonged.  
  
While he was walking towards his kitchen, he heard raucous laughter coming from the living room. He went inside and found everyone laughing hysterically at Yellow Submarine. Amy saw him and waved him over.  
  
"I told Paul a few things about the future so he and everyone else wanted to see the album covers and watch the films."  
  
"We watched Magical Mystery Tour and had a good laugh," Paul said to him. "I actually like a lot of the songs and now we're making mental lists of the ones we're gonna steal once this is over."  
  
"Yeah, no sense making up new songs when we have all these readymade ones," John said. "We're even thinking about doing some of this stuff just for a laugh."  
  
The Doctor smiled at that. He quickly went and fixed himself a snack. By the time he returned, they were near the end of the film.  
  
"You lot think it's a bit too coincidental that there are the Beatles and there are lookalikes in Pepperland?" Paul was saying. "Another reference to that lot's evil plots?"  
  
"I don't know about that, but I'm gonna kill whoever told someone to animate me with buck teeth," John said.  
  
"I have buck teeth as well," Paul said. "And look at my eyes; I look like I'm from Ancient Egypt!"  
  
"Well, at least the whites of your eyes are black," Ringo said. "Never mind those demon people in there, I look demonic here."  
  
"Yeah, well at least your hair doesn't look like it's in a perpetual wind tunnel," George said while everyone laughed. "Why they chose to give me hair that sticks out on one end, I'll never know. I can poke someone's eye out with it!"  
  
The Doctor sat down in a chair beside Amy and winked at her while everyone else laughed. Jane snuggled up against Paul while they watched the ending and the three Beatles and William.  
  
"Is it me or are you lot a bit stiff?" Paul said. "Not to mention you're all overacting."  
  
"Sod that, what the hell happened to Johnny's hair, it's draped around his face like a bleedin'curtain," Ringo said.  
  
"Well, that's nothing compared to him lookin' like fuckin' Jesus Christ on that Abbey Road album," George said as they laughed.  
  
"Hey, Johnnie said we're bigger than Jesus so I guess he had to become Jesus to prove his point!" Paul said, ducking as John took a swipe at his head.  
  
After they watched Let It Be, they started playing the albums starting with Sergeant Pepper. They passed the albums around and examined them while they listened to them. Paul started laughing when A Day in the Life came on and they got to his part in the middle of it.  
  
"Oh my God, I know what this is," he said to Amy as the other Beatles laughed. "I wondered how they were gonna use my voice until William was ready. This little bit here is a song idea I had where I sang about a typical day for me. Sometimes if I have an idea for a song and lyrics and we're recording at the time, I come in and sing the lyrics and make a demo to see how it sounds. I sang that bit, didn't like how it sounded and dropped the idea and forgot all about it and now, here it is, the fucking thing is in the middle of another song!" he said as everyone laughed. "So they were just cobbling together bits and pieces so they'd have my voice on there. Actually it sounds odd in the middle of this song. It's a somber song and then suddenly here comes my bouncy, jaunty tune and now we're back to being somber again. Talk about being desperate to include me in the album!"  
  
They finished with that album and listened to the others. By this time, they had gotten a pad of paper and a pen and were jotting down the songs they liked while the Doctor promised to give them the albums and provide a runoff of the lyrics so they would have them for reference. By the time they were finished, several hours had passed and the Doctor had the TARDIS make up guest rooms for them so they could get some rest. Everyone bid each other goodnight and Jane and Amy followed Paul and Rory into their rooms before they shut the door and retired for the night.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
Doctor Who and its accoutrements are the property of the BBC, and we obviously don't have any right to them. Any and all crossover characters belong to their respective creators. Alas no one makes any money from this site, and it's all done out of love for a cheap-looking sci-fi show. All fics are property of their individual authors. Archival at this site should not be taken to constitute automatic archive rights elsewhere, and authors should be contacted individually to arrange further archiving. Despite occasional claims otherwise, The Blessed St Lalla Ward is not officially recognised by the Catholic Church. Yet.   
  
Script for this archive provided by [eFiction](http://efiction.sourceforge.net/). Contact our archivists at [help@whofic.com](mailto:help@whofic.com). Please read our [Terms of Service](http://www.whofic.com/tos.php) and [Submission Guidelines](http://www.whofic.com/guidelines.php). 


	23. Teaspoon :: Turn Me On, Dead Man by cheri

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**Turn Me On, Dead Man** by [cheri](http://www.whofic.com/viewuser.php?uid=1862) [[Reviews](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88375) \- [15](http://www.whofic.com/reviews.php?sid=38150&chapid=88375)] [Chapter](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=23) **or** [Story](http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?action=printable&textsize=0&sid=38150&chapter=all)   
  
  
1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23

  
  
Chapter Twenty Three  
  
The next morning, Amy woke up and went to the kitchen to fix some breakfast. While she was frying some eggs, she heard someone clear their throat and saw Paul and Jane on the other side of the room.  
  
"Got some food to spare?" Paul asked.  
  
"Sure, sit down and I'll fix you some as well," Amy said. "I'm glad I ran into you, I have a gift for you."  
  
"Oh really? You mean something else besides the record albums and the lyric sheets?" Paul said as he and Jane sat down at the table.  
  
"Yes. I told the Doctor about you adopting me and how you want me to keep in touch with you and he gave me something that will allow you to do it. However, you have to keep it a secret because what I have to give you gets invented in the 1990's."  
  
"Ooo, a futuristic thingy," Paul said while Jane giggled. "So…I've seen…a computer that can fit on a desk, medicine that instantly cures and grows things and heard about a beam of light that can cut like a knife. What else is there?"  
  
Amy walked over and pulled a mobile phone out of her jean pocket.  
  
"This is a telephone," Amy said, giving it to him.  
  
"It is?" Jane said as Paul's mouth dropped open in wonder. "It's so small."  
  
"Yeah, I'll show you how to use it but the Doctor fixed this one and mine so it can call from anywhere in time and space. So no matter where I am in time, you can reach me if my phone's on."  
  
Paul and Jane stared at her in shock while Amy giggled.  
  
"Yeah, I had no idea he could do that but I'm glad he can. But let me finish cooking and while we eat I'll show you all the cool things you can do with it."  
  
By the time Amy was finished explaining how to use the mobile phone the others were up and coming into the kitchen to eat breakfast. Paul showed them the mobile and explained what it did to the others while Rory cooked for the ones who came in with him. They sat and stood around the table eating and chatting with one another for about an hour before the Doctor came inside.  
  
"Everyone, come with me, want to show you something when you're finished eating," the Doctor said to them.  
  
They finished eating and followed the Doctor to the console room. He led them to the front door and opened it. They all went outside and froze in shock when they noticed they were on an alien world. They were standing in a field of blue green grass while a large moon and a Saturn-like planet hung in the sky over their heads. It was night and large dragonflies flitted around them.  
  
"This is one of the moons of Corinthus," the Doctor said. "I thought perhaps I would show you exactly what my TARDIS can do."  
  
Paul broke into laughter while he wrapped his arms around Jane.  
  
"You got us beat, mate. This TARDIS is the real magical mystery tour," Paul said to him.  
  
"Hey, are there any planets with volcanoes on them?" John asked.  
  
"Um…yes, why?" the Doctor said, confused.  
  
"Can we fly over one of these volcano planets and drop Paulie inside one?"  
  
"Piss off, John," Paul said while they laughed.  
  
The Doctor hurried back inside and brought out a large blanket. He spread it out on the ground and then he told Amy and Rory to come back inside with him while the Beatles, Jane, William and Angela relaxed. They came outside twenty minutes later with two thermoses of hot tea, Styrofoam cups and milk and sugar. They sat together drinking tea and admiring the evening sky above them. After a couple of hours, the temperature became chilly so they gathered everything up and went back inside.  
  
Finally, they decided that it was time to leave and everyone embraced one another. Paul embraced Amy and held her tight.  
  
"I'm gonna miss ya. I think I'll be using that mobile nonstop," he said as he hugged her.  
  
"You and me both," she said. "Just be careful."  
  
"Me? I'm not chasing aliens around," Paul said. "I think you're the one who needs to be careful."  
  
He kissed her cheek.  
  
"Thank you for everything. I owe you my life," he said to her.  
  
"You're welcome, Paul. I'm glad I could give you your life back," she said to him.  
  
Paul's eyes were misty and she turned to see he wasn't the only one. She and Rory and the Doctor walked around, hugging them all before the Doctor set a course for September 12, 1966.  
  
(A couple months later…)  
  
The Doctor was sitting on his chair in the console room perusing a magazine on Venusian history. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and smiled when he saw his companions enter the room.  
  
"Howdy, fellow adventurers," he said, closing the magazine. "Feel like going somewhere?"  
  
"Yeah, I do. I was wondering if you could humor me and do something special," Amy said.  
  
"I'm listening…" the Doctor said.  
  
(June 18th, 2006…)  
  
Paul smiled when Jane kissed him awake.  
  
"Happy birthday, love," she said to her husband.  
  
"Thank you, thank you," Paul replied as he pushed the covers back.  
  
"You know what today is, right?" Jane said.  
  
"The day I consider getting hip replacement surgery?" Paul said hopefully.  
  
Jane giggled.  
  
"No, it's your 64th birthday."  
  
"Ugh, don't remind me," Paul said, grimacing. "Never thought I'd make it this far."  
  
"Well, you nearly didn't."  
  
Paul smiled at that.  
  
"Yeah, thanks to three special people, I'm still alive. In fact, I oughta ring them as a birthday treat."  
  
He got up and sat on the side of the bed, yawning. He had grayish hair now and a lined face. His jowls were sagging a bit but he still looked youthful for his age. Jane's red hair now had silver in it and she too had a lined face but Paul thought she looked just as beautiful as the day he first met her. Paul groaned and got up, stretching his body, trying to work out the various aches that aging brings. Jane got up and went to fix them breakfast while Paul walked over to his cupboard and chose an outfit for the day. He jerked his head around when he heard Jane let out a delighted yell.  
  
"Janie? What's going on?" he yelled.  
  
Jane appeared a moment later and Paul's face broke into a grin when the Doctor, Rory and Amy appeared behind him.  
  
"Ah!" Paul said as Amy rushed to him and he caught her in a firm hug.  
  
"Happy birthday, Bro," Amy said.  
  
"Best birthday present ever."  
  
He held her at arm's length and glared at her in mock anger.  
  
"Oi, no fair, you look like you did back when I first met ya! I'm an old fart and you're still young, you know how irritating that is?" he said while they laughed.  
  
Amy kissed his cheek.  
  
"You sang to me once and asked if I would still need ya and feed ya when you were 64. Well, I still need ya and…"  
  
The Doctor held up his hand and she took a bag of Chinese food from him.  
  
"And now I'm feedin' ya," she said while they laughed.  
  
"Oh, this is brilliant," he said, opening the bag.  
  
"It's from Ming's," Amy said.  
  
Paul's eyes widened while Jane laughed.  
  
"Ming's? They closed years ago."  
  
"I know but that was our first meeting and I thought I'd bring a bit of nostalgia with me," Amy said.  
  
Paul hugged her tightly.  
  
"Thank you," he said. "So, how have you lot been? It's been awhile since we last saw one another, what's been going on?"  
  
"Um…this is our first visit with you. It's been two months since we dropped all of you off in 1966," Amy said.  
  
"Really? You've visited us many times over the years and we've spoken to each other many times," Paul said.  
  
"Yeah, but we're in a time machine, Paul," Amy said.  
  
"Oh, I see. So the first time you decided to see me was when I was a 64 year old fart, how lovely," Paul said as they laughed. "Thanks, Sis, you made me feel better. So you don't know what's happened since 1966?"  
  
"No," the three travelers said in unison.  
  
"Aha!" Paul said to Jane, "I wondered why when they came and saw us seven months after we last saw them they kept saying "I know that," every time I tried to update them on what happened," he said while they laughed. "Well, Janie was going to fix breakfast and we can eat this Chinese food while I tell you what's happened in forty years."  
  
Once they were sitting around the kitchen table, they divvied up the Chinese food and Jane fixed tea. When they were all sitting and eating, Paul began filling them in on everything.  
  
"First off, William is fine," Paul said as he ate his chicken chop suey. "Not sure about Angela though. I gave her my address and she went back home and resumed her studies but she stopped writing after a couple of years and I lost contact with her, so I hope she's okay. But as for William and me, we both live on farms in the countryside near Inverness and he did reconnect with his family after a few months and let them know that he was safe. He lives down the road from us and we've been neighbors since the band broke up in 1970."  
  
"So, the band did break up?" Amy said.  
  
"Yeah, we debated that and we decided to go ahead and do it because by that time we were all exhausted from Beatlemania and needed a break. We split amicably. There was no rancor involved, no hate filled songs like How Do You Sleep at Night. We just decided to let the Beatles rest and start our solo careers…which was easy to do since we already had a ton of songs courtesy of our little party that night on the TARDIS. Now…because we parted on good terms we did get back together on several occasions and worked on each other's albums and we toured as the Beatles now and then when we felt up to it and…"  
  
He grinned.  
  
"That includes a new world tour that's starting next month."  
  
He smiled at their shocked expressions.  
  
"Yes, my friends, John and George are alive and still with us. Amy told me what happened to them and I debated for a long while whether to tell them what I learned. In the end, I thought that I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't warn them. So I got everyone together and told them what happened to both of them and because of that, John took a long holiday in late 1980 and avoided New York and George and everyone else in the band quit smoking, including me. We're all healthy and relatively spry and we're still touring and having fun together. In fact, we're planning a new album of new material since we've used up all the songs the Beatles originally had. I also spoke to John about Cynthia and Julian and told him I thought it'd be a huge mistake to abandon them. He took my advice and they're still married. Now…Yoko did come along but rather than marry her, John decided to become friends with her and they collaborated together on projects devoted to world peace. As for me, I actually did meet Linda Eastman but I nudged her in the direction of William and they actually hit it off so they're married and both of us have kids."  
  
"That's wonderful," the Doctor said.  
  
"Yes, we managed to rearrange events but still keep some of the main people in the picture. And… it was actually William who formed Wings with Linda and Denny Laine who is a mutual friend of ours. I gave them some of the songs he originally sung when he was my double but Silly Love Songs; I kept that one and recorded it in honor of the sister who first brought it to my attention."  
  
He poked her in the arm and winked when Amy smiled at that.  
  
"But I've mentored him and although he's not as successful as he would have been if he'd been me, he's doing pretty well for himself. Um…what else…oh, we did do the Sergeant Pepper album since that was a groundbreaking album but I never took LSD and I never gave any ruddy interview saying I took LSD so if people took LSD after listening to the album, that wasn't my fault. We did do the gag where we had William dress up as me for a giggle so he got to be the Easter egg, not me. And…we did the Magical Mystery Tour and I managed to convince you lot to join us so you three are in the coach with the rest of the loonies."  
  
He and Jane laughed at their stunned expressions.  
  
"Hey, you lot visited me while we were thinking about doing it and I pointed at you and said, "Get on the bus now!" So it's your fault you're in that acid trip of a film. And…for a further laugh, we had William on there as well and when it came time to do I Am the Walrus, he ended up in the walrus costume so he's the walrus, not me, so don't believe John when he tells you it's me in that Glass Onion song. And…"  
  
He and Jane snickered as he patted Amy's head.  
  
"You know all the surgeons behind us? I forced you to be one of them."  
  
"You didn't!" Amy said while the Doctor and Rory giggled.  
  
"Yup, I did. Oh hell, I told her before it happened so now she's gonna be resisting it when the time comes. Well, resist away, Pond, you're gonna do it!"  
  
"What about the Doctor then? What do you make him do?"  
  
"I put him and Rory in policeman costumes and they're up on that barrier swaying back and forth with two other blokes."  
  
Everyone laughed when the Doctor and Rory looked at each other.  
  
"Should we kill Amy for opening her big gob and telling Paul what happens in the future?" Rory said.  
  
"I think so. I think we should start by hanging her out the door of the TARDIS over a Shivalvian killer whale and watch her be fish bait," the Doctor said.  
  
"Paul, can I stay with you then?"  
  
"Yes! Forever!" he said, draping himself over her.  
  
Everyone else howled with laughter at her shocked look while Paul giggled. He straightened back up and winked at her.  
  
"Um…I think that about covers it for what's been happening since you left two months ago. Oh! Actually, we did spread the word about Satan and the Illuminati and made everyone aware of them. And after that, you actually started hunting down a few other of the more important members but since Satan was the head man and you stopped him, after that the Illuminati were weakened and you kept on weakening them by taking out more of their associates."  
  
"Yes, I always had plans to go after as many of them as I could find so the human race could finally evolve without their so-called guiding hand. Glad to know I've been successful so far."  
  
"I'm glad you're around to look after the Earth, hate to think what it'd be like if you didn't stop all these nutters," Paul said.  
  
"I agree," Amy said while Rory shook his head.  
  
"And that, I think, is the update. Course now when you go back and see us during Sergeant Pepper, I'll be saying this all over again but thankfully I won't remember it. But since you're here, I want to ask you if you would like to come watch the Beatles play on their world tour?"  
  
"Yes," the three of them said in unison.  
  
"Okay, I'll give you our itinerary and you choose where you want to land up and I'll get front row center seats and backstage passes for all of you. And…if you have the time which…I'm sure you do."  
  
Jane rolled her eyes when he elbowed her and chortled at that before sobering up.  
  
"Anyway," he said with a mischievous grin while everyone laughed, "please stay for the day. We were planning a big celebration since it is the legendary 64 for me and everyone's coming and I know they'll want to see you. So can you stay?"  
  
"We'd be honored," the Doctor said.  
  
Paul smirked at that.  
  
"Unlike Ringo, I love when you say you're honored to be involved in something I'm doing because it makes me feel like the god that I am," he said while everyone laughed. "See, I had this epiphany. If John is Jesus, I'm God because I need to outshine the wanker in everything I do. I will win the pissing contest, I swear it!"  
  
They laughed as he winked at that.  
  
"I'm the cute one, remember, I can get away with anything," he said smugly.  
  
He grinned when everyone laughed at that and he got up from his seat.  
  
"Just relax then and I'll let everyone know you're here so they'll be sure to come," he said.  
  
They smiled when he leaned forward and kissed Jane's cheek. Then he went into the other room while everyone else sipped their tea and chatted.  
  
THE END.  
  


1\. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 34. Chapter 45. Chapter 56. Chapter 67. Chapter 78. Chapter 89. Chapter 910. Chapter 1011. Chapter 1112. Chapter 1213. Chapter 1314. Chapter 1415. Chapter 1516. Chapter 1617. Chapter 1718. Chapter 1819. Chapter 1920. Chapter 2021. Chapter 2122. Chapter 2223. Chapter 23  
  
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